Asklemmy

i like me.

everyone else is optional

I go in assuming no one will like me and then I'm just pleasantly surprised whenever they do. Like, only 5% didn't like you? Not too fucking shabby, well done!

I remember I also don't like a lot of people and that's it

There's a meme image I once saw that spoke to me.

It went; "Stop trying to be liked by everybody, when you don't even like everybody"

And that's so fucking true for someone such as me. You can't please everyone, so you should stop trying because there's thousands to possibly millions of people out there who simply live that spiteful and bitter lifestyle as their entire persona.

Who matters to me are the people I've personally befriended. It doesn't hurt to co-exist and be kind to those who give it to you.

But everyone else, fuck them.

I’m too old to care. I like me and so does my family. That’s all that matters to me.

It may sound a little silly but when I get good feedback on something, I pop it in my journal under a specific tag so I can revisit it from time to time.

It’s unfortunate that people are unfair to you, possibly they are younger or otherwise have incorrect expectations about your fallibility as a human.

I used to respond to things like that but these days I let the positive comments speak for themselves. Just remember to ask for feedback- a lot of people otherwise won’t do it unless they’ve got something negative to say.

70% of people are idiots so you're doing pretty well. Only 9/10 dentists can agree on a toothpaste ffs!

I just don't give a shit.

Do you like everyone? Probably not. Just because people don't like each other doesn't mean something is wrong. You can even love somebody and want nothing to do with them.

Well, do you like everyone you meet? Why expect everyone else to?

You can make the world's best apple pie and there are still people who don't like apples. That's not a flaw of the pie or them. That's just life.

I wouldn't say you get over it, more that you get used to it and realize that it's not (always) about you.

1. Do they not like you for things intrinsic to your being or for you actions? If the former their opinion should hold little weight, if the later proceed to step two.

2. Reflect on why someone of their perspective might feel that way about your actions and assess the merits.

3. If you feel after sober contemplation that their critiques of your actions were well founded, adjust yourself going forwards. Otherwise remain as you were.

If it is as low as 5% I'd imagine it reflects more so on where they are in their lives, having little knowledge of the situation.

I don't like everyone I meet. Why would I expect to be liked by everyone I meet?

I'm a 36 year old professor. My only negative evaluation this past semester was that I didn't give homework. Though, most of them hated my guts from using grades to tell them their work was mostly average.

The students realized they needed to change to improve their grades. And subsequently, they grew the way I expected, which was far more than they thought they would. They recognized I was teaching them more than the material: I was teaching them the meta. That was valuable enough to them to forgive me for being such a dick about the numbers that define their self worth.

So, want the students to give you those glowing 10/10 evaluations? Piss them off and make them glad that you did. Give them something of value that no one has. But, based off of how much you seem to care about the difference between a 95% and 100%, I think, much like my students, you are chasing your participation trophy. Think on it.

Honestly? I think you just have to age out of it. Like you said, it's just a fact that not everyone will, but if you care about being liked in the first place, chances are that only time giving you opportunity to not be liked, and absorb the lesson that it doesn't hurt anything, will move you past that desire.

Me? I had jobs where it was damn near constant hate in one way or another. Patients with dementia on my main job, plus the occasional coworker that just didn't mesh. On my steadiest side job, I was a bouncer, and if you go a night without someone hating your guts, mark that shit in the calendar because it's your new holy day.

So I had my give-a-shitter demolished by the time I could drink legally, and I'm not joking. By the time I was 21, I just did not give a fuck about being liked. It's nice when it happens, but it wasn't something I put any energy into at all. I just started doing my thing, being me, and enjoying the company of folks that are down with that.

It actually made dating in specific so much more pleasant.

But, yeah, you take enough hits on those reviews, start noticing the pattern that it's people you would never be able to satisfy in the first place, and it'll eventually roll off of you.

I tend to think people who don't like me are the bad weird.

Well I dont like everyone, so I have to assume that not everyone would like me.

There's the old saying if you're not pissing someone off, you're not doing it right, also some people love to complain when given the opportunity, so take that with a grain of salt.

If the majority of feedback is good, then you're fine, fuckthem whinging pricks, you keep smashing it in spite of the 5%.

Many people suffer from impostor syndrome to a degree. Many people make mistakes even when it comes to subject matters they are very familiar with. Everyone has technical problems every now and then - that's outside of your control. Technology is finicky and increasingly shit.

You'll always get people who think they know better than you, or could do something better than you. But they aren't. You are. You got where you are through your work and experience. As long you feel that you're prepared to the best of your ability and knowledge, I think your conscience can be clear.

You will never have everyone you meet like you. Some people are just basic shitheads, and some of them will write reviews like that precisely to gaslight you into doubting yourself and your abilities. They do it for kicks. If 95% of your reviews are positive, you're in a good place.

I just don't care. Just like I don't expect people to care whether I like them.

Life's too short to have an opinion on everything and anyone.

Honestly, I just assume no one likes me. It makes life easier. I don't mean this in, like, an incel way or anything. More like I don't assume anyone likes me until they give me a reason to think otherwise. I don't assume they're hostile, but I do assume I probably just rub them the wrong way, and that, again, unless they give me a reason to believe otherwise, just move on. It makes life easier. I'm rarely disappointed with social interactions, and sometimes very, very pleasantly surprised

Once you come to terms that most people don't like you, you just have to work backwards a bit.

In my country we have a saying: You can't please both Greeks and Troyans. (Which, by the way, should be Athenians and Troyans to be Historically correct).

The point being that it's impossible to please everybody all the time, so either there is no point in even trying or if you really care that much about pleasing people you have to pick which ones you want to please.

Further, for me it helps that I put a lot of value in Honesty, so I have almost no tendency to be fake or bullshit to try and please people, and dislike it when others do it to try and please me (and nowadays I am pretty good at detecting fakery) - I would much rather have people give it to me straight than try to bullshit me to "please me" (they're not even doing it because of me: it's generally done either as conflict avoidance strategy or trying to get people's goodwill or sympathy to later extract some personal gains out of it)

There's a point I reached where I mostly just stopped caring. I also don't like a lot of people, so I suppose the feeling is at least sometimes mutual.

More to your actual point, learning to deal with criticism is a skill and it can be very tough sometimes for everyone. I normally try to think of how that comment is wrong and, if it's not, how I can learn and grow from whatever criticism is. Don't sweat honest mistakes; just try to put systems in place to avoid them (I'm a fan of checklists for some things). For personal attacks or unrelated, just ignore them.

The last time I and my surrounding people rubbed the wrong way, I asked why. I sought to see if something was wrong and at once they told me, even if in the second instance I was not informed. If there is no coordination, how they treat me is their doing. Years of being beat around would reinforce this. If the masses do something wrong, contrary to how many think of it, it doesn't become right just because they're the masses.

Maybe it's not about whether they like you or not, but they fairly evaluated your work? No one is perfect, but it's helpful to take constructive criticism? When you teach and you've thoroughly explained the subject matter in a relatable way, but students miss a few questions, due to typos, being tired, etc, do you give a perfect score when they've missed an answer or two on homework or tests? If you do, how are they to know where they need to reinforce understanding, or explain an answer better? While technical difficulties can't be helped, would that excuse a student's missed homework or answers to questions? How can you be sure they grasp the material? We work with each other and maybe give broad leeway, but no one is perfect, and we all have areas we can improve. Perhaps they like you and want your continued success, as well as students who come behind them?

I viscerally dislike some people on meeting them. There's no good reason, that's just how it is. I bet there are people who feel the same way about me. That's life.

I try to treat everyone well so we can get along. For the most part, other people seem to do the same for me.

Walk away, go home and enjoy your life. Block them if they're online pricks.

Move on, carry on, smoke a joint and pet a kitten or puppy or something.

I'm a performer and a teacher. I know for a fact not everyone likes me, or likes everything I do (which involves a lot of freaky shit). I don't do what I do for them. I do it for the people who do enjoy it, and try to make it a point to come out to my classes or shows. I very much appreciate those people.

Fellow teacher here! During my first 5 years or so teaching, I was so sensitive to negative feedback. Comments were overwhelmingly positive but I'd really wince at negative comments. I've grown a thicker skin since then, and more importantly I've come to believe in myself and I know I'm good at what I do. So, experience and confidence.

1. You are human. Accept that imperfection is a built-in feature. No one is going make 100% of people happy. It’s not possible.

2. 95% is great. Your lessons are more successful than most, I reckon. You know if you’re doing a good job or not. You’re the expert here - not the 5%.

3. You have to accept that you can’t control how other people feel, how things affect them, or how they behave. Your lessons may just not reach certain types, and that is probably not your fault. It may not be their fault either, but they may not understand that.

4. Students (especially teenagers and often college-age) often think they know the one right way that everything should be done. They’ll find out eventually, hopefully, that their views aren’t infallible, or they’ll grow up to be insufferable. Many students are also just vindictive in reviews if they find out a class isn’t as easy as they expected or if they got a bad grade when they didn’t study. The possibilities are so endless that you’ll just drive yourself insane if you try to take every criticism at face value, when they may well be mostly fiction. (Your being upset by the negative reviews may be their intention.)

Look at other reviews of other instructors, teachers, professors, etc. and you’ll see a pattern. Grade yourself on a curve.

As a teacher I can say that in every class- adults or teenagers- there will be 5-10% who will love you no matter what, 5-10% who will dislike you no matter what, and everyone else will be in between.

You have to learn not to take it personally because it isn't; you're just the body in the room when they happen to be feeling shitty about their day, their life, their job etc.

Also remember that some people will just tick 10/10 in every category because they can't be bothered to do it properly, so don't let that go to your head either.

What you need to do is reduce it to pure numbers. Weight loss, for example, is not about how you feel or even how you look; only the scales will tell you the complete and accurate results without bias.

What you can measure, you can manage. Look at average scores over time across multiple categories. Is there a trend? If it's negative, then write up a plan to fix it. If it's positive, write up how you achieved it. Then show it to your boss and get a raise.

At the end of the day the shitty commenters want you to think about them. I usually just laugh; there's always one in every group.

Time helps. I am not a teacher, but I coach.

I feel like I wanted to be loved by my athletes or completely ignored by them when I started coaching. I didn't want anyone to dislike or doubt my abilities in any way. I went above and beyond to plan practices and be as legitimate as possible as a young coach close (enough) in age to the athletes. I needed firmly establish that I was an authority in the field and worth taking advice from.

I'll be honest, some of my interactions with athletes during covid broke me. We went remote when facilities and the world shut down. Which meant trying to run fitness classes over zoom for whoever still wanted them. When we returned to in person practice, the athletes just came back cynical and critical (the entire world was just proven to be a shit show, so I understand where they are coming from). I felt like I had to justify my strategy every few weeks, of they did not see immediate results, they just questioned the value in coming to practice.

It took time to build up a reputation with my athletes again. All i could do was continue to do the best job possible and trust my knowledge. We just celebrated having our first Olympian alumni, so things are going well! But not everyone has that same successful result, and want to blame someone for that. Some people will always think they are the smartest person in the room, and you can't change their way of thinking.

For those 5% of negative reviews, the best case scenario is that you did the best possible job you could. And in a few years, they self reflect and think about how critical they were of you when it really wasn't anything. Worst case scenario, they tell the story of their instructor, who was in some way incompetent, and everyone just smiles, nods, and gets on with their lives. The otherwise overwhelmingly positive reviews show us that you are preparing your students for whatever the next step is. Some students might not see the value of your work immediately, or 2 years down the road, or ever. Just because they can not see the value in your work does not mean the value was not their.

I stopped caring. Most people just love to complain. They’re not even thinking about you as much as themselves. Just imagine they’re people from Lemmy. Random people saying dumb things in an attempt to make themselves feel superior because they are lacking something in life.

Do your best, try not to fuck with people, and know that no one exists but you.

I have a job where it is my job to say no. That means I'm not going to get liked by everyone.

It is more important to do my job right than to be liked by everyone.

Some people are just looking for something to complain about because they are unhappy people anyway. That has nothing to do with you. Some people are complete idiots, go read some Amazon reviews. My favorite is about a Rice Paddle (plastic) that you only use with an electric rice maker. One reviewer said it was crap because it melted. Clearly they used it with a regular pan and had no idea what they bought. If you like yourself and the people you care about and respect like you, no one else really matters. It's nice to be liked, but respecting and caring for yourself is the most important thing to remember. And sometimes (too many times actually), having some people like you can be a liability. Some people are just horrible and will latch on to you and spread their toxicity. It can be a real gift to not be liked by these people. Not being liked is not always a bad thing. The Sun shines on both sides of the planet!

It would be more effort than it's worth for me to remember them enough to care. Too lazy.

work on your self-confidence and self esteem. go check a psychologist.

I just stopped caring. Why should it matter if people like me? Life is a very short, fleeting construct. Wasting time worrying about what some other human thinks of me makes literally no difference in the grand cosmos. I’d rather put my energy toward something interesting.

As I have gotten older, I have learned to realize that there are people who can not forgive and can not forget. They are the most negative-nellies, and will judge you and most likely themselves bad for just being human. I still listen to them, that's basic human respect. I don't let their words tear me down, that's basic self respect.

"What we got here is, a failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach." - Cool Hands Luke.

Indifference. They let just any ignorant sack of shit with working thumbs access review pages; and a lot of people aren't just ignorant in this day and age, they are proudly and willfully ignorant. The only people whose critique I take seriously are those I know and trust, everyone else can suck-start a chainsaw imo.

I joined a men's group and started working through my trauma.

Flip the table. Anger. Disgust. Judgment. Indifference.

If you want to be nice you can always keep your doors open to resolution. But it makes no sense whatsoever to give away mental and emotional real estate for free to donkeys and assholes. It's simply too valuable and you should cherish it for yourself.

You might think indifference is the weakest of what I've mentioned. But being ignored is extremely painful. Aurelius wrote that this is the default goto if you don't have a witty comeback.