No Stupid Questions

I can't imagine that you can get out of bed without waking your wife if your smartwatch vibrating wakes her up.

Vibrating butt plug with timer

Realistically, your wife is your partner and some sacrifices need to be made. If she can't sleep through a watch, she should consider earplugs or just deal. I'm sure you silence it and leave the room ASAP so, that's just life of sharing a room with a spouse.

Edit like literally millions of spouses have tolerated their other rising before them, it's a normal part of the deal

If your wife is such a light sleeper that a vibrating watch is waking her perhaps sleeping in a separate room when you need to wake up at a certain time would work?

in a strange twist, the chess world already solved this one. Vibrating buttplug

Drink several glasses of water before going to bed so you wake up to pee.

You could grab a brush and put a little make-up. Perhaps hide the scars to fade away the shake-up. But then why'd you leave the keys upon the table? Ah, here you go create another fable.

Why do you want a discreet way to wake up? You wanted to.

What if you put the smart watch on your ankle? The covers might muffle the noise but you still feel it vibrate.

Drink a lot of water before bed, your bladder will wake you up

Get a cat and feed it first thing every day when you get up. Soon you'll have claws in your arm to wake you. Might it meow and wake the wife and kids? Perhaps, but wives and kids love cats so they won't mind.

Have her boyfriend give you a shake when its time to get up.

connected butt plug

Kindly ask her to get used to your alarm sound, and not wake up then.

This may seem harsh, but actually it isn't. Every house has it's own specific sounds, and it is quite normal to get used to them and not wake up. If you hear other sounds that are unusual, then you wake up. It is a natural thing.

Ngl, had to read the title twice.

I had to put on my glasses to read the post title...

Legitimate answer though, once upon a time before I realized such relationships are not really feasible for me to maintain, I just kept a separate stowable bed in the office for work nights when I had to get up earlier without waking the gf. Days she got up earlier, she couldn't wake me if she tried, but I would sometimes steal the blanket and wake her early still so we got multiple separate blankets. Usually three in case one of us did a double blanket steal.

Get an enlarged prostate. You won't sleep for more than 3 hours straight promise.

What if you got a battery and put it on a timer and hooked the electrodes to your toes? That way you get moderately zapped, and she doesn't wake up. After a week or so, I would bet you have so much anxiety that your internal clock will wake you, even without the zap. The body is amazing.

Does your wife wear a sleep mask/would she be willing to wear one? You could then get one of those sunrise alarm clocks that lights up the room before making noise.

If a smart watch vibrating on your wrist, assuming it wasn't also alarming with audio, then how are you going to avoid waking her by just getting out of bed?

Did your smartwatch actually buzz/vibrate? Hate to shill, but try an Apple Watch. It doesn’t really buzz, but the haptics feel like a tap on the wrist.

That being said, if a discrete buzz wakes her, how are you supposed to get up without waking her?

I don't know if this will work for you. Every night I close my eyes and picture a clock with the time I want to wake. Then I tell myself the time I want to wake up.

Some smart watches allow you to adjust the intensity of the vibration. (My Samsung Watch6 does.) See if your will let you experiment with that.

Drink enough water at the right time to pee at the right time

I had a first gen Xiaomi smart band thingy for this very reason that I put on my leg. Worked well enough unless I was exhausted or drunk but then nothing would anyway.

Get some kind of gas you can puff out at your wife to make her fall back asleep.

I had a smartwatch that had a very annoyingly buzzy vibration, so I empathize with this problem. If nothing else works I do believe that some expensive smartwatches (like apple watch) have a more quiet "tappy" vibration. You could test in store to see how loud the sound is before buying it

Heating pad on a timer? Silent, but probably uncomfortable enough to make you aware of the time when it's on.

A mattress with per-side heat controls. Unplug it, set your side to super hot, then use a timer socket to make it turn on when you want to wake up.

There are actually watches/bands that will give a minor shock as an alarm. Sounds crazy but unless it jump to the wife (hope it wouldn't be that strong...) it shouldn't wake anyone. Novel idea if nothing else.

Put the watch around your balls.

Smart bulbs, have it turn on automatically at the time a gentle alarm goes off