this post was submitted on 15 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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all 48 comments
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[–] [email protected] 91 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Use my own condom because I’d never trust a crazy woman to not have tampered with them

[–] [email protected] 72 points 10 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 30 points 10 months ago

This keeps getting better.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

Oh! Then never mind, then

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It turn out she has a hug strap on.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

You don't need condoms for a strap on kiddo. Buckle up.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 10 months ago

no woman who have a hello kitty condom is crazy

[–] [email protected] 73 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I don't want eyes anymore, thank you

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

I'll take them, just in a bag, thanks!

[–] [email protected] 69 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Whiskered for her pleasure.

Edit: I’m so sorry

[–] [email protected] 57 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago

You're supposed to bounce her, not be a bouncer

[–] [email protected] 24 points 10 months ago

Step femboy, what are you doing?

[–] [email protected] 24 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Say いいね and pound that pompompurin

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

It always bothered me when folks injected out of context Japanese and provided no explanation, but now I know some Japanese, so for the other folks here like me.

いいね is pronounced i-i-ne and translates to something like "nice".

The comment below わかりました is pronounced wa-ka-ri-ma-shi-ta and translates to something like "I understand".

And finally a note to the Japanese injectors. Almost no one likes when you inject Japanese out of context. If you are a student studying Japanese and inject it in context people would enjoy it more.

I accept my down votes if my observations are incorrect, have a nice day.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

わかりました

[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago

As long as she’s 18 I’d smash that shit hard.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago

Always finish on the bach, never on debussy.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago

Evidently take your phone out and post a meme about it.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago (3 children)

What does baddie mean in this context?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

in the 1600s the adverb "bad" went from meaning "incorrect" to being an intensifier - "they wanted that badly" (meaning he wanted it very much, as opposed to his want being poorly formed).

This form of hyperbole has extended over the years and orphaned to a point where now the [they wanted that] part is inferred and we can refer to something as "badass" or "baddie", understanding subconsciously that is implied that it's an extender of wanting/liking something "a lot" ("badly").

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Villain, you know, like Sauron or Thanos. Imagine you're about to shag one of them and they pull out a kawaii jonny, WWYD?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

Statistical analysis says gods do not use condoms.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

Ask if she's got a cinnamoroll one

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Ask if they're snug fit. I'm long and thin, like a pencil.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (2 children)

100% chance she put a pin through those.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Jokes on her I got a vasectomy.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Jokes on him, I got an orchiectomy

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

Let's do it to it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Ask if she wants the second one. If we're going to be girlfriend and girlfriend, we may as well wear matching ones.