this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2024
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[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (3 children)

Upgrade their PC to Windows 11 overnight
Click yes on all "recommended" options
Left-align taskbar and make it black
Restore their desktop wallpaper

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Had to be done

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

You're an evil person

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Hope you brought install media, because it's a Linux system. And it doesn't have a TPM2, so Windows 11 might not even be installable.

So I guess I'm unhauntable.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

In that case, I'll switch you to Slackware.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago (3 children)

I'm assuming that the haunting is because I had a vendetta against the haunted. In that case, I'd make their life miserable in the most subtle ways, including but not limited to:

  • Move their furniture half an inch at random so they keep stubbing their toes.
  • Make their clothing get stuck in doorhandles.
  • Loosen the knobs on their drawers.
  • Loosen the screws on the handles of their pots and pans by an eight of a turn.
  • Shift things in their cupboards so that something falls out every time they open them.
  • Damage the gaskets on their windows so that there's a draft and constant whistling sound.
  • Reopen their resealable packages a little bit so the food spoils faster.
  • Make their toilet leak, but only when they're sleeping.
  • Pack lint into their phone's charging port so that their charger never plugs in snugly.
  • Unbalance their appliances so they rattle/shake.
  • Slightly unbalance their car tires.
  • Loosen fasteners in their car so it produces annoying rattles.
  • Make their pens leak.
[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

I would press the reset button of the modem constantly. Also disconnect the phone charger at night but connect it before they wake up so for some reason it only charged about 5%

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

The toilet leaking seems like a little too much effort for me, but otherwise I'm on board. Don't forget moving their small and easily misplaceable objects when they set them down. Maybe just around the room a little bit, like putting their phone on their seat when they get up instead of the arm of the chair where they left it.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

No no, you make the toilet leak but only when they're sitting on it and scrolling their phones.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Playing with their pets while they're sleeping, by throwing small objects around the house.

...I wouldn't be a scary ghost but at least I'd have my fun.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Rile up the cat and lure it to attack the person's face while they sleep.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

That's evil. And fun.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I wouldn’t. I’m a fucking ghost. I can just go about my day, knowing I’m a ghost, and not fuck with anyone.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

You're gonna get bored after a while dude.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

Yeah if anything I'd be a nuisance to the vampire and werewolf I'm living with!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I would constantly log them out of all their social and turn off their phone — what a naughty ghost would I be :p

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

Don't forget to delete the passwords saved in their browsers.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

My victims would never again find a matching pair of socks in their homes.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

That's already my fiancee. I never have that problem - my socks are all identical.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

Maybe that's because he once wronged the wrong person who eventually passed away and now haunts him. ;)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'll befriend and play with their cats. Their cats will do a zoomie randomly.

Ohh wait that's how a cat normally works.

I'll make their cat miao randomly.

Wait that's how they works as well.

I'll stand at a corner of the room, attract their attention and makes them looks like they stare at that corner for no reason.

Ohh that's how they works too.

Ohh well i'll just stick with making dogs bark randomly.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Ohh wait that's how dogs work too.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

I would haunt scientists until somebody proves that ghosts are real.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

Demand to know "are we there yet?" while haunting their house. Because of your going to haunt somebody and scare them, you might as well confuse the hell out of them too.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

Convince some kid that they have to spend a considerable amount of their lives, dedicated to figuring out why I'm here, and how they can figure out how to help me 'cross over'.

Then after a year or two I'd just get bored and tell them I made all of that up, and this is pretty much it. Then I'll go possess some guy to play videogames I guess.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

Float walk along behind them, invisible, while randomly farting, or making farting noises if ghost farts don't smell.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I don't quite know what the mechanism for this would be, but I imagine giving people random boners/getting them randomly turned on at times where its not appropriate would be quite funny. There are few mundane experiences which are quite so unpleasant as arousal when it shouldn't happen

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Great, I'm about to go to the dentist and this is all I'm going to think about now.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Fortunately for you, I am not a ghost yet.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

I would make sure that the toilet roll is the right way around.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Constant unprompted calculus lessons

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

show them random scenes from their lives, remind them of the choices they made.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Recite insurance commercial jinggles

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

As a ghost, do I have the power to visit people during their dream time?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago

I would manifest in their lives by ringing their windchimes when they are thinking of me.