this post was submitted on 20 Jun 2024
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[–] [email protected] 67 points 5 months ago (1 children)

you dip the chicken nuggets in whiskey and then roll them in cocaine for a nice speedy schnitzel

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago (1 children)

That is going to taste so bitter, my tongue just dried up from thinking of it

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

That's why there's bbq sauce.

[–] [email protected] 56 points 5 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Probably wondering why their date is taking a picture of the charcuterie board.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago
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[–] [email protected] 45 points 5 months ago (2 children)

The straight whole coffee beans. 🤣

[–] [email protected] 26 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Ngl I've munched coffee beans before. There's chocolate covered whole coffee beans, so why not eat them without the chocolate too?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 5 months ago (7 children)

Because without the chocolate, it's like eating slightly burnt coffee flavoured sand. I eat them all the time because I have a fucking problem, but I don't enjoy it.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (7 children)

Is there a name for this problem? I'm imagining you sitting with a bowl of beans looking miserable, shaking your head and muttering, "damn beans"

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (1 children)

End stage caffeine addiction. A terrible illness

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago

They're alright actually

[–] [email protected] 44 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Condom lube on my cheese board doesn't sound appetizing

[–] [email protected] 37 points 5 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Well in that case...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

These ribbed condoms don’t taste anything like ribs!

[–] [email protected] 42 points 5 months ago

All that and not a single date to be found in the photo. Has bro never been to a grocery store?

[–] [email protected] 27 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Add a gun and some bullets and call it the Hunter S. Thompson Special.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Wake up. First Chival Royale of the day.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Needs more grapefruit.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 5 months ago (4 children)

What order is this meant to be in?

[–] [email protected] 41 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

To start off, put the gummi worms in a shaker, shake, collect the sour dust, snort.

Next, add the whiskey to the shaker, set aside

Dunk the bread in the McNuggies sauce, sprinkle on cocaine to taste.

Add weed, thin crackers and coffee beans to grinder, grind thoroughly. Take the brie and your ground up spices, work them into each other as if you were making meatballs.

Eat this raw.

Ok, now vomit into the condoms.

Now that the appetizer is done with, grab handfulls of the other cheeses, salami, prosciutto and McNuggies, and just stuff it into your face as if you were eating popcorn.

Now that you've been thoroughly fucked by this culinary experience, finish it off with the drink you set aside earlier, which should hopefully be a lovely semi congealed glass of gummi whiskey.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Awful, would laugh at you on a date. Better than most.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Hey, I'll take it haha!

Unfortunately my default joke state is basically dad jokes and puns, but my life has been so utterly absurd that I can basically just reference some insane nonsense that's happened to me in the past somewhat indirectly, and most people just think I'm creatively making a joke.

In seriousness, I have found that more conventional charcuterie boards are a pretty cost effective, while also decently fancy first kind of at someone's place date, if presented well.

I've done this multiple times and it has worked every time, and almost every time I'll be told this is extremely adorable and no one has ever done this for them...

...Then I find out, a year or two or three into the relationship, oh god, this person I love is extremely abusive, takes me for granted, and is astoundingly irresponsible.

So I guess just hand me both of those whiskeys, neat, please.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago

Well after you do the drugs, it doesn’t really matter

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (3 children)

I’d say clockwise but I’m not sure how well weed/coke mix.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

I’m not into weed anymore (I wish I still was, but it gives me anxiety) but they mix perfectly fine!

…it’s funny that it’s the WEED that gives me anxiety.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yeah they got McDonald's chicken nuggets. Like dude, go get some Wendy's. You've got nose spice so I know you understand how to be classy - now get your shit together.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Found Wendy's Lemmy account

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Yeah for fucks sake nothing wrong with McNuggets.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago

This charcuterie board fucks.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

That's a fucking party right there

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (2 children)

WHERE are the motherfucking CHEESE BALLS?!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

After enough coke everyone has cheese balls.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Frist of all, why are there condoms in the food second why are there 3 of them?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (5 children)

One for the shaft and one for each testicle

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Duh .. we all learned this in sex ed

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Three condoms? My, we're young and frisky, aren't we?

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (5 children)

Everything looks good here, perfect date. Wait, except.... is that.... unground coffee beans? What the fuck?

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago

To me this just looks like a typical day that started with the best of intentions.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Are those.. lol coffee beans?!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

I can almost hear Major Kong (Slim Pickens) from Doctor Strangelove:
"Shoot... a fella could have a pretty good time in Vegas with all this stuff."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Mythic rarity girl dinner

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