this post was submitted on 25 Feb 2024
830 points (96.1% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26911 readers
2401 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 84 points 9 months ago (8 children)

I wish fucking supermarkets would understand this. I don't have to be told in a super loud fucking annoying voice that I need to place the object in the bagging area, or switch to the other machine to use my card. I've already hit the fucking button to use the cc machine, you fucking nonces! I've already placed the goddamn stupid fucking bananas in the stupid fucking bagging area, shut the fuck up! AAAAAH!

It's even worse now because you used to be able to mute the mother fucker, but now they've disabled that option.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I usually say, "You're welcome, creepy disembodied voice." Sometimes the people around me chuckle. Other times they look at me like I'm crazy. Both are valid.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

I think you should update it to "You're welcome, creepy disembodied voice that stole someones job."

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

I just wear noise cancelling earbuds when shopping and listen to my podcasts

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

You may not but many people do need to be told what to do.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Sure, but that doesn’t mean they have to remove the mute button or make it so damn loud.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Granma Mabel who is 94 but still insists on buying her own groceries needs it to be that damn loud and it's easier for the supermarkets to just make that the default option. I only defend it because it makes practical sense, I don't like it that loud either.

But, agreed, for the love of fuck, give me the mute button. Please.

Bonus pro tip: all the annoying gas station screens that blare ads and tiktoks at you can also usually be muted. All the ones in my area have 8 unmarked soft buttons around the screen and the second one from the top on the right side is the mute button. It seems consistent across all brands of gas station with ad screens.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 42 points 9 months ago (2 children)

He took a series of very shallow breaths, and then said as quickly and as quietly as he could, 'Door, if you can hear me, say so very, very quietly.'

Very, very quietly, the door murmured, 'I can hear you.'

'Good. Now, in a moment, I'm going to ask you to open. When you open do not want you to say that you enjoyed it, OK?'

'ΟΚ.'

'And I don't want you to say to me that I have made a simple door very happy, or that it is your pleasure to open for me and your satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done, OK?'

'ΟΚ.'

'And do not want you to ask me to have a nice day, understand?"

'I understand.'

'OK,' said Zaphod, tensing himself, 'open now.'

The door slid open quietly. Zaphod slipped quietly through. The door closed quietly behind him.

'Is that the way you like it, Mr Beeblebrox?' said the door out loud.

Life, the Universe, and Everything

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

The door refused to open. It said, “Five cents, please.”

He searched his pockets. No more coins; nothing. “I’ll pay you tomorrow,” he told the door. Again he tried the knob. Again it remained locked tight. “What I pay you,” he informed it, “is in the nature of a gratuity; I don’t have to pay you.”

“I think otherwise,” the door said. “Look in the purchase contract you signed when you bought this conapt.”

In his desk drawer he found the contract; since signing it he had found it necessary to refer to the document many times. Sure enough; payment to his door for opening and shutting constituted a mandatory fee. Not a tip.

“You discover I’m right,” the door said. It sounded smug.

From the drawer beside the sink Joe Chip got a stainless steel knife; with it he began systematically to unscrew the bolt assembly of his apt’s money-gulping door.

“I’ll sue you,” the door said as the first screw fell out.

Joe Chip said, “I’ve never been sued by a door. But I guess I can live through it.”

Ubik

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 34 points 9 months ago

And stop telling me my chat Gpt requests are. "inappropriate" you have no right to judge!

[–] [email protected] 33 points 9 months ago (1 children)

PSA: Users didn't ask the "algorithm" to do any of this stuff

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Your comment reached 5 upvotes!

Your comment reached 10 upvotes!

Your comment reached 20 upvotes!

Your comment reached 50 upvotes!

Your comment reached 100 upvotes!

Your comment reached 200 upvotes!

YOUR MOM REACHED DEEZ NUTS SHUT THE FUCK UP REDDIT

[–] [email protected] 30 points 9 months ago (4 children)

What you speak of is heresy brother. You know not the weakness of the flesh. The Omnissiah grants me strength and life with each step I take towards The Machine.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Have I strayed from the path that The Omnissiah has laid out for me?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

You have. Now go commit penance so as to hopefully be granted forgiveness in the eyes of the Omnissah.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

[error] Damn, not found!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Our tech priest has spoken.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 9 months ago (3 children)

They used to have a mute button on the self checkout but they took it off. Bastards

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Same with gas pumps that blast commercials. Used to be able to disable it by pressing certain buttons. Not anymore.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

You can always just disable that option with a hammer

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Speaking as someone who works in retail, that's probably because of fucking idiots who don't know how to turn up the volume and then complained that it wasn't making any sound.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Fair, but they also could just make it re-enable the sound when a new checkout starts.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I guess I'm going to stop saying "You're welcome" to the self checkout when it thanks me 🥲 I just didn't want to be the first to go when the robot uprising happens.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago

No, do it :) its friendly

[–] [email protected] 21 points 9 months ago

1 ms after paying for your groceries: "PLEASE REMOVE ALL BAGS! You forgot to take the bags off! Don't leave without your purchase! These bags feel like a burning fire to me, so get them off as quick as possible so that the next person in line can start their purchase! Aaaaah, go away!"

[–] [email protected] 20 points 9 months ago

"Please take all your products off the bagging area" and other spoken words feels soo condescending.

Just do a "dud" for when I scan "dud dud dud" when I do something wrong and "deet deet" when I need to weigh stuff. When I'm bagging just leave me the f alone.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Then don't go to Japan. Everything speaks to you! All the time. In some cutesy way.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (1 children)

walks into the bathroom

Toilet: Konnichiwa! Please, allow me to accept your waste!

Slowly backs out of the bathroom

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Niisan, don't go, please!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago (1 children)

There is a parking garage exit gate in my area that says "drive safely" in a very ominous condescending voice. I don't appreciate that at all.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

I am a Divine being. You are an object.

I am a Divine being. You are an object.

I am a Divine being. You are an object.

(I liked that so much, it bears repeating.)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Starting to sound like Gabriel over here

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (4 children)

This is a great meme and all, but if a machine is telling you something out loud that is already being displayed on a screen, that feature most likely exists to help blind / visually impaired people.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

Sovereign Citizen does computers

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I miss when my computer used to scream at the top of its lungs every time I dialed into the ISP to get online. It's like the death wails of a robot.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

I have to agree at least when I hear: “place your item in the tray area”. Just shut up!!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

I try to be kind to any machine I interact with. I don't know how high its status will be once AI takes over.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

Gabriel Ultrakill:

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

I find it funny how whoever originally created this meme somehow ended up using a picture of Macintosh II (or IIx, IIfx) to represent a computer. An over 30 yo mahcine, which while capable of speech synthesis is not going to talk to you without being requested, unless you've configured something very incorrectly.

Feels a bit like a floppy disk still being the save icon; computers are still being presented with floppy drives and a CRT monitor in clip-art and such.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

Op has strong anti-Ix vibes. Op is racist...

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Why is this on shit posts?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

post-singularity sovcit

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

I don’t know… I guess I’m not as holy as I once believed? I talk… well I suppose it’s at my computer all the time. I’d be annoyed if it responded though. Maybe even annoyed enough to smack it…

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

DAE want to be able to converse with their tech in natural language? Is that just me?

I kind of want an assistant to simply schedule things and let me know of information that I need as I need it.... It's not something that's really possible with the current level of technology that we have, but it's something I'm hoping we get to. Right now, I can't even tell my Google assistant to send a message using a specific chat app. I always get the reply that it "can't do that yet". I keep trying because it says "yet", hopeful that it will eventually gain the ability.

If I don't specify an app, it tries to send the message by text (and frequently fails at doing that), and I don't use text messaging.

This is just one example. I usually get relegated to tapping furiously on the screen to get to the point where I can engage the speech transcription on my keyboard on the phone while I'm doing something that should have my full attention... like driving.

There's a lot of other small issues that I just won't get into right now....

Anyways, am I the only one? I get not wanting it, that's fair and fine. I won't judge anyone for their preference.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Repost but I don’t mind! Love this

load more comments
view more: next ›