this post was submitted on 24 Apr 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 249 points 3 weeks ago

I hate that I can visualize this greentext so easily.

[–] [email protected] 170 points 3 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 141 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The fact that they show a Dark Souls poster and proceed to describe an Elden ring movie is very funny. Like the producers don't know the difference.

[–] [email protected] 70 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

they'd be proud of the fact that they never played video games, let alone the source material.

look at interviews surrounding halo paramount, "we want to tell our own story in this setting" then proceeds to make garbage that actively disrespects the source.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

“We didn’t look at the game. We didn’t talk about the game. We talked about the characters and the world. So I never felt limited by it being a game.”

The quote is amazing.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago

that's an even better quote than the one I remembered

[–] [email protected] 95 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

"Ah sweet, a new Miyazaki film!"

[–] [email protected] 43 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 weeks ago

*gets bogged down in poison swamp*

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[–] [email protected] 87 points 3 weeks ago

I absolutely hate this, but can't deny that it's accurate

[–] [email protected] 56 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Tbh, i'd love a dark souls movie with Jack Black and Nick Cage.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Jack Black as Solaire would work. I can see the jolly cooperation now

[–] [email protected] 33 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

And a shaven Adam Sandler as patches. This would truly be an awful film. I’d see it. Not in theaters, certainly. Not even my own streaming subscription. But eventually I’ll be on someone’s couch and exactly drunk enough to dare them to put it on.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

This is how I ended up seeing Sonic 3.

Did I enjoy Jim Carrey? Yes, very much so.
Do I want to go back and see Sonic 2, which I completely missed? No.

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[–] [email protected] 51 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That actually sounds incredible lmao

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Honestly, anything w/ Jack Black is incredible. He somehow saved the Minecraft movie for me by turning it into a weird School of Rock nostalgia trip.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

They already created this game.

It was called Brutal Legend

It was quite good.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Yup. Most that you can fault it for, is the mechanics later in the game, which try to teach you how to play multiplayer, getting too repetetive.

Because of course the game had PvP battling with music stages as bases.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago

I think the main issue people had was it had lot of RTS sections further in.

They weren't actually that bad, but the demo gave no clue that the main chunk of gameplay was going to be running around issuing orders rather than the basic heavy metal themed hack-and-slash it pretended to be.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago

That was unfortunately a Jack Black of a different era. This one abandons his lifelong friend to be as hollywood safe as possible for saying meanie-bobeanie things about trump (as a comedian on a stage that is known for political jokes)

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[–] [email protected] 41 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Movie is called Dark Souls, plot is Elden Ring. Hollywood on par for the course.

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 3 weeks ago

"they ruined it! There aren't even bonfires in elden ring! In lore theyre called this-games-thing!"

[–] [email protected] 33 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

THIS SUMMER, ROB SCHNEIDER DOOP DE DERP DEE DOODLEY DERP

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

This summer, unfortunately, Rob Schneider is

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

AI will create this movie 20 years from now, I hope you're happy.

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 weeks ago

Was the minecraft movie ai generated

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Final shot is Jack Black clumsily wading through a poison swamp, “not again!”

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago

The swamp itself farts with every green bubble that boils and pops on the surface.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Just a matter of time until this trailer gets made. I remember the Oppenheimer one and now that we've got the AI trailers, you don't even need an actual movie to use as source material this time.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"Rock of Ages" was good too

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 weeks ago (14 children)

Well, I know people would watch it.

I did not watch the Minecraft movie myself, no desire to experience a full theater of people throwing popcorn around screaming chicken jockey.

Movie industry is fucked.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

i enjoyed the Minecraft movie. i wouldn't say it was great, but i was watching it with my nephews and had fun. it helped that mamoa and black were clearly having fun doing it and had good chemistry together. (i even play the song "lava chicken" for fun hehe)

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 weeks ago

"Praise the sun!" Start trashing the cinema and blasting take on me full volume

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago

Sweet baby Jesus I can see this whole thing in my head every time I read it, these previews are so cookie cutter it's insane

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago

I wish “The Studio” was ballsy enough to do an episode about this exactly.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

/>:(

Goddamnit I give up with the formatting

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

>:(

Backslash, not forward slash.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago

Thaaaanks

>:)

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