this post was submitted on 14 Oct 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

My honeymoon could have gotten quite a twist

[–] [email protected] 156 points 2 days ago (3 children)

If you think that's mad, your balls can taste spice! You can test this yourself by pouring hot sauce all over your genitals.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 days ago

For uncut dudes, make sure you pull the foreskin all the way back. You gotta hit that mucus membrane with some capsaicin.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 days ago
[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Is that why bengay tastes like balls?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

No, his balls just tasted like bengay and you developed a learned association.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 day ago (2 children)

1980: in the future, we'll have flying cars! 2024: Stop dipping your balls in soy sauce you fucking idiots

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

But Cubs did win.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Yeah! soy sauce isn't sweet! do it again but try sugar water this time you fuckin clowns!

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 day ago

Someone please call the science memes community! Misinformation is winning against me!!

[–] [email protected] 252 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (12 children)

Guys, please dip your balls in soy sauce or whatever if you can't help yourself but I'm quite sure that it won't work. I know that this is the green text community but still:

*Receptors on different parts of the body do different things. The taste buds on your tongue respond to whether or not food is edible—and of course, provide taste—while the taste buds on your testicles instead send signals to your body about sperm and testosterone production.

And the scrotum does not have "taste buds,” to be clear. “It’s also important to note that the taste receptors are in your testicles," adds Justin Dubin, a current Urology Resident at the University of Miami and soon to be Northwestern University fellow specializing in male infertility and sexual medicine. "When you dip your balls in food or sauces, you’re actually only exposing your scrotum to the food ... which is the skin surrounding and protecting your testicles."

In addition to your scrotal skin, you have other layers of tissue that separate your testicles from the outside world, so it is safe to say putting food or any other item on your scrotum won't get you anywhere close to direct contact with the actual testicle.

“Even if you were able to somehow put food on your actual testicle, which I recommend never trying, the taste receptors would not allow you to taste anything as they simply do not function the same way they do in your mouth and you would not experience the sensation of taste,” Dubin adds.

You probably wouldn't want to experience taste from your testicles, anyway. If this were the case, as Brahmbhatt points out, you’d constantly "taste" the smell of your scrotum and testicles—even sperm. Yuck.

“Obviously this does not happen—further dispelling the myth that has been propagated,” he says.*

-Dr. Jamin Brahmbhatt, MC, urologic and robotic surgeon.

I am not sure whether this article was solely published in Men's Health but here's the article:

https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a36751724/do-testicles-have-taste-buds/

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)

So the balls are constantly tasting cum? That's fucking gay, bro.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

There's nothing gayer than being a man. You always have a dick in close proximity and the only way to get off is playing with that dick. That's super gay.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

Straight trans men are the only straight men!

[–] [email protected] 76 points 2 days ago

Half-truths are the most effective troll posts.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

You probably wouldn’t want to experience taste from your testicles, anyway. If this were the case, as Brahmbhatt points out, you’d constantly “taste” the smell of your scrotum and testicles—even sperm. Yuck.

Anon's mom told me that it's actually not so bad.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Is a robotic surgeon someone who operates on robots?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

No, it's just a surgeon who lacks personality and operates with cold detachment.

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[–] [email protected] 53 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'm sitting here with explosive diarrhoea and this would be somewhat worse if my balls could taste.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 days ago (1 children)

You realize you're supposed to take your underwear off before using the toilet, right?

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 days ago (12 children)

I do, yes. Did you miss the "explosive" part?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

Clear backblast.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Its only a real problem when you have to switch from wiping to patting.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I prefer my bidet shower.

Using toilet paper seems so awfully unhygienic in comparison. Like, if you fell face first into a pile of shit, would you want some water, soap and a towel, or... a roll of paper?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

How to tell if someone has a bidet: they'll tell you about their bidet.

Side note: I have a bidet. Get one.

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[–] [email protected] 76 points 2 days ago (3 children)

The fact I have never tasted the dreaded bowl splash dispels this myth.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Maybe your toilet water is not sweet enough

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 days ago

Poseidon's Kiss, a sneaky surprise for the carefree pooper

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[–] [email protected] 77 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Alright, I just dipped my balls in a bowl of cordial, so you don't have to.

My sack didn't detect any sweetness, but I'm sure if someone sucked on them, then they would.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Don't leave us hanging OP, get down there.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

my intuition says it would taste like cordial

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 days ago
[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Reminds me of that South Park episode where Cartman proves you can eat from your ass and shit from your mouth.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

Martha Stewart with the turkey 🤌🏻

[–] [email protected] 59 points 2 days ago (7 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 days ago

Jfc I thought everyone was just shitposting here but this is a real what the fuck moment

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[–] [email protected] 41 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It might have just been chance, you better replicate it to check.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 days ago

Don't get cocktea on me. I done made scrotonade.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 days ago

So that's why everything tastes like dick all the time...

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 40 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Why else would it be called teabagging?

Thats how you're supposed to check if your tea has been sweetened properly before consumption

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[–] [email protected] 41 points 2 days ago (5 children)

Prehistoric dangling diabetes detectors

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago

The treat that's salty and sweet!

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