Ask Lemmy

Work on diagnosing and fixing the problem first, worry about appointing blame later (if at all).

Forgive yourself when you fuck up

I have no more right to interfere in someone else's life than they have to interfere in mine.

Avoid people who don't share that view.

Stay curious. No one is over educated to the point that they can't learn.

The other side of this is that anyone, no matter their background, can teach you something.

“First is best”

To avoid overthinking decisions that don’t really matter, the first acceptable choice is the correct one.

Save your indecision for stuff that matters.

Never admire an entire person, only the aspects of the person you find admirable.

Make it work, then make it work right.

And it’s companion for understanding how things came to be- every complex working system invariably developed from a simple working system

Have strong opinions that are weakly held.

Don’t let “perfect” be the enemy of “good”

Now that I think about it, my principles like my life may be all about engineering…

Admit when I'm wrong.

Don't do anything you're going to have to lie about. If you do, don't lie about it. If you do, make it right as soon as possible.

This is something I learned from experience. I have plenty of problems in my life but a heavy conscience isn't one of them.

I printed this quote by Sister Chan Khong and carry it in my wallet:

If we just worry about the big picture, we are powerless. So my secret is to start right away doing whatever little work I can do. I try to give joy to one person in the morning, and remove the suffering of one person in the afternoon. If you and your friends do not despise the small work, a million people will remove a lot of suffering.

So I try to spread a little joy and remove a little sadness.

If you don't know what you want, make a choice instead of just waiting. If it's not the right one, change your mind. It's always ok to change your mind. Sitting in stasis means the ice cream shop closes before you ordered and now you don't get any.

I have two main moral guidelines by which I try to live:

A. Try to leave everything better than it was before, or at least avoid making it worse. It doesn't have to be by much, but if every person makes things just one tiny bit better, the culminating effect will be great. Do your part.

B. The difference between a moral person and an immoral one usually doesn't lie in the ability/inability to know right from wrong, rather in the ability to rationalize their immoral actions. Therefore:

• Doing bad things once in a while does not make you a bad person, it makes you human.
• Avoiding doing bad things 100% of the time will make you a bad person, as you'll inevitably fail and will be forced to rationalize your actions, making it easier to do more bad things.
• What makes you a good person is the ability to know when you're acting wrong.

From there, there are a few rules that help me along the way:

1. Everyone are wrong. Assume you're wrong about some important things/core beliefs, you've just yet to discover which ones. Don't hesitate to act according to what you think is right, but understand you're probably doing something wrong somewhere. Look for signs that show that's the case.

2. Making mistakes is fine and inevitable. Reflect on your mistakes and try not to make the same mistake twice.

3. Use everything as an opportunity to learn. The best way to learn is from other people's mistakes - it provides a visceral lesson without you having to pay the price.

4. People's opinions of you are their business, not yours. Though you should choose to use them to improve yourself when applicable.

5. Admitting being wrong or admitting a mistake will not only improve things, but is a sign of strength. Not doing so is a sign of weakness. This is true both for yourself and for other people.

6. Give people the benefit of the doubt and don't be quick to judge them. Wait until you have enough data and then come to conclusions.

7. No rule is correct in all situations.

8. External rules (and laws) exist for a reason. If you're going to break one of them, first understand why it's there in the first place and why it should be ignored. Do not assume you know better than the people who came up with it.

9. Blanket statements can be correct or incorrect for the most part, but they can't be used to solely justify an action or an opinion.

Don't have your mouth write checks your ass can't cover

Or

Under promise while over deliver

Perfect is the enemy of good enough

Underpants go on the inside.

I can't save the world, but I can make my corner a little nicer.

Decision results in bad outcome. Oh well, lesson learned.

Look after your tools, as the old saying goes.

Chill the fuck out

As a counter to perfectionism:

If it's worth doing, then it's worth doing poorly. [source: a reddit user]

Don't spend energy on things you can't change anyway. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good (enough).

• Absolutely no littering ever.
• If I drive I don't drink. Not even one.
• No lying. Not even white lies.
• No smoking (tobacco)
• If everyone did what I do and the world would be a worse place for it, then don't do it.
• Good deeds done in secret are twice the karma.

Everyone deserves respect.

Respect is in fact, not earned.

One loses respect due to their behavior.

"Treat people the way you would like them to treat you."

"Judge every claim on the basis of the evidence presented for it."

The way that someone responds to you is a reflection of them, not of you. If someone in your life is wildly inconsistent, all you can do is make sure that you are maintaining consistency yourself.

I've worked with a number of people who acted like we were besties one day and then gave me the cold shoulder for weeks. I spent too many years wondering what was wrong with me before I finally figured out that their mood swings had nothing to do with me.

Don't do good things to be good, do them because of how good they make you feel

Pay attention, it's the little things that make the whole picture when put together

If you're unsure about doing a certain activity do it anyways. It's better to err than to do nothing and forever wonder what it would had been like if you had

Most people aren't evil, they just have been formed differently by life itself. Try to understand them before you decide how you feel about them

If someone tells you something, that something does not get repeated without asking for permission first. People don't have to say "can I tell you this in confidence?" Absolutely everything is kept in confidence.

People either enhance or diminish your life. Very few are neutral.

Treat them accordingly.

• Knowledge is meant to be shared, not hoarded.
• The act of kindness is free, but its impact is priceless.
• Discipline matters, but so does self-care.

Don't make excuses. If you fucked up admit it and make a plan to prevent it from happening in the future. Excuses themselves do nothing to help a situation.

Be excellent to each other

/me grabs soapbox

I'll focus on people. I avoid people who consistent or egregiously:

• are assumptive, gullible, or fallacious.
• expect me to be assumptive, gullible, or fallacious.
• are eager to violate the others' autonomy; for example, the "I never take a «no» for an answer" ones.
• defend their actions based on intentions (instead of responsibility, outcome, or info at hand).
• expect me to apologise for things they know I have no blame for.
• claim that fighting back makes me as bad as my enemies, i.e. who expect me to become a punching bag.

Note: "consistent or egregiously" is key here. A brainfart or a derp is fine; but some things happen too often, or are too strong, to be considered simply brainfarts.

Stay completely off all social media, including Lemmy.

Be slightly more useful than I am annoying... I'm really fucking annoying

Adapt or die.

Treat others the way you'd like to be treated. When I call customer support, I don't get mad at the person because it's not their fault. If someone flubs up my order I don't say anything. I try to smile to everyone even though I don't want to. Even if I don't make their day better, I try to make it at least bearable.