this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2023
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Asklemmy

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Hello you awesome people,

Friends are having a boy and everyone they know wants to push a name on the child. So I decided to be the best friend they could have and to offer only bad, ugly or horrendous names to the lucky parents so they could have a laugh. I already send them some names and dictators, Smeagol, Steve and Juan-Esteban.

So please, people or Lemmy, give me the worst names you could give a child, so that I can help them as a good friend!

Ps: don't worry, I've already planned some meals to drop off when the gremlin will be there to feed the parents. And some take-out vouchers so they won't get food poisoning

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[–] [email protected] 153 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (23 children)
[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago

The only way to escape a name like that is to take a phallic rocket to mars and start a new colony

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The only winner here is his sister who's name was not as publicized. Exa Dark Siderael

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[–] [email protected] 135 points 1 year ago (9 children)

Bob, short for Bobert. So that every time he has to say his full name to anyone on the phone or fill out forms somewhere, he has to repeatedly explain that, no, it's not Robert, it's Bobert.

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[–] [email protected] 123 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;--

[–] [email protected] 68 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Little Bobby Tables as we call him.

[–] [email protected] 80 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 77 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 57 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

I dont know about that.

See, this world is rough, and if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough. If a father knew he wouldn't be there to help his son along he could, hypothetically, give him that name, say goodbye, and know his son would have to get tough or die.

That very name would then help to make him strong.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

Right but everyone would be like "haha sue like the song" and he'd get so annoyed

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[–] [email protected] 73 points 1 year ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 71 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Only if Pube is considered as it's diminutive!

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That wouldn't fly with the city clerk in Belgium. But then again, one can always try!

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago

Should have made a joke with "nein", but people would be Fuhrerious about it!

[–] [email protected] 52 points 1 year ago (8 children)

I once knew someone who refused to tell anyone the name they chose before the baby was born (absolutely valid choice, IMO). The grandpa-to-be chose to exclusively refer to the fetus as Beelzebub.

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[–] [email protected] 49 points 1 year ago (3 children)
  • Spanko
  • Twallypod
  • Roooooo
  • Meganginipple
  • Nipple
  • Craig
  • Nart
  • Puddin
  • Sue
  • Ticksy
  • Ewwgross
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[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 year ago (4 children)

First, anything ending in -ayden. 2-4, I'm just going to list a few real names I've heard. Middles included.

Wynter Obsidian

Ocean Zebediah

Buck Shot

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Dude, "Buck Shot" is awesome. That kid is pretty much guaranteed to be an astronaut with a name like that.

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago (7 children)

Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz

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[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Open a random page in any P. G. Wodehouse novel and you’re good to go! Gussie Fink-Nottle, Bingo Little, Kipper Herring, Stiffy Byng. Or, my personal fave, add in an extra letter like he did for his character Psmith, where, he explains, the “p” is silent, "as in pshrimp.”

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonaa no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (8 children)

What?!? What a coincidence! My name is also Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonaa no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke!

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago (2 children)

A friend went with Gilbert, which seems like a strong contender.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Jimothy

Tomathan

Kevincent

Jachary

Esteburt

Stanthony

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

Organ farm #17.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (6 children)

I know of someone who named her son "Scrotum".

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (11 children)

There's a classic Japanese story about a boy called Jugemu Jugemu Gokō-no Surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyōmatsu Unraimatsu Fūraimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakōji-no Burakōji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shūringan Shūringan-no Gūrindai Gūrindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokonā-no Chōkyūmei-no Chōsuke. That's all the first name. No nicknames allowed.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

Biggus And then convince them to change their last name into Dikkus

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm. Assuming they live in Ulm. If not, adjust name accordingly.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

We had a mother and baby possum on our fence that we nicknamed Methany and Rolexxus.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
  • J'nathan
  • Lester
  • Krang
  • Schawghn - pronounced Sean
  • Sponk - halfway between Spock and Spunk
  • Clippy
  • Korn
  • Hootenanny
  • Dan-The-Man - short for Danimal-The-One-And-Only-Manimal
  • Skeet
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Alexa That's just gotta be annoying for everyone when your smart home device kicks into action every time your name is called.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago

That's a pretty long name.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

Deuteronomy

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Any "creative" spelling of a common name.

e.g., Jahnithun.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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