Greentext

Enter a Sherlock Holmes-esque state of hyper awareness. Calculate the distance to the log based on parallax and distance between my eyes. Calculate time to impact given relative speeds (this calculation costs precious microseconds but is indispensable). Note the positions of every car around and the age and apparent gender of every driver. Adjust the steering wheel so that the log impacts right between myself and my passenger. Upon impact, adjust steering based on road position and positions and probable reactions of other drivers to bring my car safely to a stop without causing further damage.

Turn on the Improbability Drive. And certainly not improbably watch out for sperm whales falling from the sky.

Passenger's seat perspective. So from that angle there is nothing to do. It is always best to relax. There is a reason drunks often survive the crashes they cause that kill others. It is kinda hard to do in the moment without practice. In the crash that broke my neck and back, there are only a few moments of very hazy dream like memories that I've recalled over the years since. One of those was that I somehow tried to put up my hands or some way I tried to catch myself as I hit the jeep on a bike at 29 MPH. I only really remember thinking for a moment, "fucking never do that again" next moment I'm with some paramedics talking about getting me stable enough to transport and trying to get someone to call that could show up at hospital. I was only able to remember phone numbers and my address from when I was in highschool 10 years before and 2k miles away. I felt super stressed because I knew I was doing it but couldn't figure it out. I finally remembered my sister's number and relaxed, staying unconscious for 3 hours after.

That is what it is really like with severe head and neck trauma. Your conscious mind is quite disconnected from your limbic system. If you die, you likely won't even know. I had no idea how close I had come to dying until many things that came out of the personal injury case that followed and stuff since then...

For me, I wouldn't follow that kind of truck closely or casually at all. I'm aware of how it is loaded and the disconnect between the loader operator and low pay driver, on a truck likely held together with JB Weld and duct tape. But yeah, just relax. If you die, you die. No big deal. You won't even know it happened, so why stress.

Hard swerve to the right, and duck.

I would let myself die because this scene is so far removed from the laws of physics that I spent my life studying and my entire career would now be completely worthless.

Alt+F4

Curse, turn my parking lights on, and park the truck to one side, hope no one was hurt behind me

Realistically, I'd let it happen. No ragerts.

Oh, hey, it's Pseudotsuga menziesii.

Speed up

I'd Jim the camera and say "logs, amirite?"

This is what the "overdrive" button on the shifter column is for.

@Samdell Die, probably.

Simple. Seen this a thousand times.

Freeze frame - cue narrator

"I bet you're wondering how I ended up here..."

Then I fuckin bail before the freeze frame is over.

Roll credits.

It's obvious you all haven't taken American media seriously, and it's sad. The great story tellers of our time have spent countless hours and mountains of money to teach you lessons from the annals of history and it consistently falls on deaf ears to the inevitable demise of civilization.

One day people will tell tales of the great visionaries such as James Wong, true prophets of times long past who spent their lives and vast borrowed fortunes attempting to warn the masses of future catastrophes as foretold by the wise and all knowing producers, the forgotten gods of our times, who sacrificed their own lives and hard earned connections, in a fruitless attempt to spare future generations from the predicted inevitable rise of death itself, using math to systematically destroy us one by one.

If only we had paid attention and not been distracted by the irresistible whores of Hollywood who tempted us with dreams of superheroes and anthropomorphic stones assuming the the roles of so called "actors", posing as "action heroes" we might leave a better legacy for the future generations of content consumers who will surely mock us for our ignorance as they smash that like button.

Thank God it's finally over

Duck, piefucker!