this post was submitted on 08 May 2025
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The Onion

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[–] [email protected] 82 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Personally I'd like to see what a fully armed and operational Swiss Guard would do.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Kill a lot of Nazis, as they are wont to do.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago

That would be the happiest day of my life.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago

Too bad the Vatican they protect, then helped those Nazis escape to South America

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Statistically it's most likely they dig holes and stay put, maybe repaint some 'barns' and blow up a bunch of bridges. No wait, that's what the Swiss Armed Forces would do. I have no clue what's statistically most like they would do.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 days ago (2 children)

The Vatican Is less tolerant and kind than the US police forces

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

If you think qualified immunity from Uncle Sam is good, just wait till you see a guy hopped up on qualified immunity from God

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

The Vatican Is less sympathetic to their cause than the US police forces

FTFMe.

Any illusions I had a about a gram of tolerance and kindness in US police evaporated while I spent half a year watching them beat and instigate with protestors, among other things.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (1 children)

RuPaul would be the best of popes.

edit: i was closer than i thought i would be

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Several people have done good pope drag, and I would see any of them in the office: Catherine O'Hara, pre-rape Marilyn Manson, the dude from Francis Bacon's Study after Portrait of Pope Innocent X. But RuPaul would probably be the best in terms of policy.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

Make the Vatican great again!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

I would love to see the Vatican guards in their awesome uniforms and shiny spears show MAGA what they're all about!!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago

DON’T GIVE THOSE MORANS ANY IDEAS, YOU FOOLS!!!1!

I mean, I’m a hard atheist that would gladly classify religion as child abuse, thereby preventing any exposure until a person has become an adult. That alone would dramatically restrict religion to the mentally ill within only a generation or two.

But judging from Francis’ track record, there is still hope for the Catholic Church to still do some material good, if they elect the right pontiff.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago

Russia has probably sabotaged that election, too....

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

And now Cardinal Robert Prevost first USAian to be elected pope - perhaps Trump delegated the job…?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Fac Vaticanem Magni Iterum

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

"People named Roman, they go to the house" ?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

"It says 'Romans go home!'"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

The world would be so much better if Trump became pope.

Edit: To clarify, that would of course mean he'd have to resign as US president.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Y’know I think you’re actually right. It would get him out of power in the US.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

Of course. He can't be both.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

Vance killed the last pope so...

Oooooh I see what you doin'

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (4 children)

???? Is he even a candidate?

[–] [email protected] 59 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 days ago (1 children)

In this case I get it. I really get it.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago

Yeah, we do live in the darkest timeline

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Fun fact if he was baptized as a catholic he is eligible.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Yes, there is precedent. Some random Catholic who wasn't even a priest got selected after a conclave had been stuck in political deadlock for literal years. He couldn't actually take the job till he was ordained, which he did. He immediately instituted a bunch of rules including locking them away together with no luxuries until a decision was made to make sure that problem didn't happen again. (It happened again multiple times anyway.)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Just checked: this is real....

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Soy fascism is what you get when you don't have a legion of traumatized soldier coming back for a world war.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago

Psst, check out the comm name

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

Just call them rebels.