This shit is all too realistic.
this post was submitted on 10 Jan 2025
766 points (95.5% liked)
The Onion
5795 readers
713 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
- The Onion
- Clickhole
- McSweeney's
- Reductress
- The Chaser
- The Hard Times
- The Needling
- Tattletale Times
- The Beaverton
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
Don't worry, everyone. Trump will be in office soon, and everything will get fixed.
Absolutely! He has the best plans. Just ask him what they are.
The best concepts of plans.
His plans are war, he says he will empower Israel even more and then as a result warring with Lebanon and Iran, possibly Egypt but maybe not, will spread.
He hasn't outright said the consequences of his actions but it doesn't take a genius to work it out.
He'll magically lower the prices of fire hoses and air tanker pilot training.
more like he will jack up the prices and personally pocket the difference somehow
/s is mandatory, if you need evidence that your take is a commonly held belief then I give you 6,264,244 DNC voters who stayed home and 77,303,573 Trump voters who showed up.
Nobody think that, idiot
Listen, randomfirstword+randomsecondword, you're gonna have to get a better script from your handler, because shit like this may have worked 6 years ago, but now it's just static.
FiniteBanjo is my actual brandname. Site launches sometime this year.
WBY mr. randomadjective randomverb?
Ahh, yes, totally verifiable and definitely not a sad sack in a troll farm, right comrade? Mine is from a Gorillaz song, "All Alone" off of Demon Days. Give it a listen, it's my favorite track on a completely stacked LP.
Well if you want the inspiration, then I had this shower thought that a guitar base kind of looks like an infinite symbol and from that you can derive the finite banjo.
Such a banging album.
Can't tell if it's sarcasm, or if you're super misguided....
Just like the kids in The Goonies fixed the statue of David by gluing the dick back on upside down, so too shall Trump invert the American dingus in acts of corporate interest and capitalistic greed.
What a sentence
Liberal reveals fundamental incapability of understanding why every county in their entire nation shifted towards Trump
In other news, water is wet and libs support genocide
People: wow americans are kinda shitty with their support for genocide
Some idiotic yank: THE OTHER SIDE WILL BE EVEN WORST!!!!!
How is this relevant, stupid? Fix your goddamn country
You're gonna have to learn to troll harder. This is pretty weak bait, bruv.
I wonder if some client has support for regex-blocking of users... somehow I've blocked a lot of weird trolls with usernames similar to this one
"Please turn off the space lasers."
If it wasn't for the community I would have eaten the onion
Israel is a terrorist state
It has been for a long time.
America as well
Best way to deal with runaway wildfires is to start runaway explosive fires somewhere else
I say we sacrifice some people to the fire lords. People that are in a certain percentage.
There has to be some hard limit on how many fires can be happening at the same time, so keep the fires going elsewhere and this one will expire.
Picard: “We have to figure out how to protect the civilians.”
Worf: “WEAPONS TO MAXIMUM!”
Finally, the Gazpacho police have the means to heat up their horrid, cold soup.
GAZPACHO IS DELICIOUS.
V8 is gazpacho.
The water that accumulates in the bottoms of restaurant dumpsters is gazpacho.
Joe vs the ~~volcano~~ Wildfire