Happily married for 10 years, but my wife's independent streak was one of the main things that attracted me to her. We share plenty, but it's always been important to us to have our own hobbies, friend groups, and private time. I don't want to be her whole reason for living and I don't want her to be mine.
this post was submitted on 25 Sep 2024
43 points (90.6% liked)
Ask Lemmy
26968 readers
847 users here now
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Please don't post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try [email protected]
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either [email protected] or [email protected].
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
I feel this is so underrated and often looked down on relationships, but it’s so healthy.
I find my relationship to my wife stronger because of it. We are not together because we need to but because we chose to every day.
Multiple passionate independent hobby interests with curiosity and depth. Really, that is my indicator of a potential unconstrained abstracted mind; a potential coexplorer that can find interesting tidbits in almost anything in life—which is what I've always wanted. I choose to remain an unconstrained nomad otherwise. I successfully avoided a few reality-TV-evenings zombies from my younger years and avoiding those anchors was one of my best choices in life. I would have made them miserable.
When I was looking for a partner just someone that would listen to my crazy ramblings about things I enjoy and constant changing of topics (ADHD or whatever). Basically just show an interest in things I find interesting.
I've completely stopping looking for a partner in the last few years, fell into a depression hole and don't see any light at the moment. Just keeping my head above water mostly these days.
That's one of my favorite traits in my partner. She's great at keeping the conversation going, which is important, because I'm terrible at it lol
When we get high together, there's usually about an hour period, that I call her Wikipedia time, where she finds a random topic, and has to talk about it at length
Are we married?
You have to get out of your daily cycle to find someone. Dating apps suck. Meetups are fantastic to meet new people and develop new friend circles. It's how I met my best friend, and my life evolved from there. Don't give up. You'll find someone eventually.
BRO DATING APPS ARE SOOOOO BAD FOR PEOPLE WITH MENTAL DISORDERS-
Got a comment from a guy once and he said "Damn, I bet that autistic ADHD pussy go crazy."
( ´ •̥◠•̥` )
As a man its even worse, most of the time I dont even get a response when I write something to a match. Its also hilarious, I have never had a woman write me first either (except from a girl from east asia who was probably looking for a sugar daddy or something like that).
And no, I dont write anything insulting like you get, although its probably also not 100% normal, being that I am also ASD and ADHD.
A man who isn't sexually attracted to me and acts more like a super close friend than a lover.
I'm Asexually Aromantic, but I can't deny that I DESPERATELY SEEK the close connection of a man. If he's hella masculine (Buff n stuff) then that's bonus points, but I just don't really care at this point, just- fuckin coddle me or some shit. 🤧
I'm mortified of Sex and anything sexual in nature; even if I wasn't scared of sex, I have never in my days of being conceived, birthed, and breathing, looked at a man and thought, "Aw yea, I wanna fuck 'em." I have no trauma either; Im deadass just built that way.
Dating always felt so fuckin weird to be, the idea of pet names and claiming someone as a boyfriend or girlfriend always weirded me tf out. I'm not Poly either; dating/romance is foreign to me and always has been that way.
The only guys I get "nervous" around are Japanese/Korean men. I 100% don't understand why, but I wanna befriend someone who is native to that area and be super close with em. But I'm black so I don't think it's gonna happen 🙃 (I did a little digging, Japan is a bit more tolerant but a lot of articles say Koreans don't really like/care for Blacks all that much 🥲 I wanna have hope, but I'd prefer not to fuck around n find out the hard way.)
I want a guy who won't push me or judge me as I am. I want a guy who, when people ask "Hey are you two dating", we both go "FUCK NO!". I want a guy who I can hug, kiss, sleep in the same bed with, and through all of that still be 100% Platonic.
I'd prefer(??) they be mentally "cracked out" the same way as I am (ADHD/autism) But ong I just don't fuckin care, if he's funny and willing to put up with my sexuality/unhinged personality, HE'S A FUCKING KEEPER.
You'd love to be my dog except able to talk and also probably not actually being a dog.
uhm.... hmmm...
Yea fuck it, I guess ima be a dog-person.
I actually adhere moreso to a "Catgirl" kinda vibe. I wear cat ears a lot and buy Kawaii or Japanese Lolita(NOT THE BOOK) fashion. never tried Puppy girl before...
Damn it now you got my goofy ass thinking >:/
I was being kinda hypothetical and mostly just pointing out how much I coddle my dog, but NGL I could live like that.
I'm not asexual though. I'm an antinatalist. I only avoid sex because of my ethics.
Everyone deserves to be coddled sometimes, just a little :D
Looked through some of your comments. You seem to be a thinker for sure, and not the type to jump to conclusions.
Not looking anymore because I found it, but it's not wanting to make more kids. Adopting or step kids would have been fine, but making more while there are kids out there looking for a home would be too much for me.
Kind. Not overly serious. Polite to public-facing employees.
The only hard requirements I have for a partner are that they are attracted to me and have reasonable hygiene practices. It's a bonus if they're a degenerate kinkster or are willing and able to deal with a half-feral, half-crazy, cat lady for any real length of time. But I also am totally fine with that person bouncing because that's a lot.
A confident gait.
Has a pocket full of horses, fucks the shit out of bears
Threw a knife into heaven, can kill with a stare
I dont think he'll wanna date women if he fucks "Bears"
I only date women, for context. I'm a sucker for really crisp diction.
Enunciate!
I'd love me both sober and drunk
Context: When drunk I develop a Queens English accent for no reason whatsoever. Im not British either :D
Not picky about food, and open to new music.
Wish I had someone who wanted to do foster parenting with me.
That is what I'd do if I ever was divorced or widowed. If we can make it and retire I don't want more kids, we raised so many. But it's really the best work I've done. I would take in a couple more if I was single. Not babies, older kids. It's hard though.
I'd also take older kids.
kindness, fitness, similar sex drive, sense of humor, willingness to try new things, likes to celebrate (something I struggle with)
It’s not a deal breaker, but I’m a guy who is into female bodybuilders. I lift a lot myself and have always been attracted to muscle. The bigger the muscles the sexier.