this post was submitted on 03 Nov 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] [email protected] 72 points 1 year ago (5 children)

also add " no offense " at the end of offensive statements to make them non offensive

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I always append no offence to benign statements to mess with people.

No offence.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

No offense, but this is a pretty funny idea. I'm no expert tho

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

I like what you've done with your hair, no offence.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever read.

No offense.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I do not respect you and would not care or even notice if you disappeared tomorrow and no one ever found you because you had been kidnapped and murdered in the worst way imaginable.

No offense.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hey. Fuck you.

No offense.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

why the fuck are you offended? They CLEARLY said "no offense" idiot

No offense.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hey. I love you.

No offense.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

😭 😭 😭

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And prefix racism with "I'm not racist but...."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

I'm not racist but no offense

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

but idk tho

[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The next time you're applying for a job, post a fake job ad so that people give you their resumes. Then, you can edit one and apply for the job you want.

But idk tho

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

I did do something like that once. I made up a position that was kinda close to what I was looking for and see how other people were applying and structuring their resumes.

Yes it worked, no I would not do it again.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 year ago (3 children)

If you are dating someone and you really feel like this relationship has potential then you should think back to the worst thing you've ever did. Do it again and see how they react. If they can't handle you at your worst then they don't deserve you at your best.

But Idk tho.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Instructions unclear, now I'm wanted for murder (again, ugh). But idk tho

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

If you ever find yourself under arrest for murder the best possible thing you can do is just come clean about it quickly as possible. The sooner the better. Don't even wait for a lawyer. They'll admire your honesty and be lenient.

But idk though

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

If they can't handle me at my diddliest, then they don't deserve me at my doodliest.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

i can't do it again, there's only one tower left :(

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Im sure we can rebuild it for you.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago (3 children)

the professional version of this is 'theoretically'. you can tack it on to the end of almost anything and it immediately makes whatever you said non-committal.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Theoretically, you could also tack it on at the beginning.

Or you could also, theoretically, tack it on in the middle of a sentence.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Well only if "theoretically" is followed by a statement compatible with supported theory. Too many people confuse theory with hypothesis

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (2 children)

You can easily get away with using "Theoretically" in every situation, hypothetically speaking.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Where might hyporetically fall into this? Hyporetically speaking, for the real theothetists that might press the matter.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Let's do a thought experiment on this hypothetical.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Theoretically, I had underetood the opposite.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Didn't they just arrest some 4chan Nazi for doing that?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago

Don't quote me on that.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

“Not financial advice.”

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

But idk tho

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Whenever I announce "I ANAL" I commit to it and include the space.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

He anal butt

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

If you are Canadian, also state that you are sorry at the end of every statement ..... sorry.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Good advice, but I don't know.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

its good advice, theoretically.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

"just my 2 cents but you are ultimately responsible for your decisions"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

"dont worry bro, you should just do what i said, i think, probably maybe"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

DON'T DO THIS:

  • Soften chocolate ice cream and chill the glass. Take the ice cream out of the freezer for 10 to 15 minutes before use. At the same time, place your glass in the freezer. This will keep the shake cold when you serve it

-Measure the ingredients. 1 cup ice cream to 1/4 cup milk is a great ratio.

  • Blend the shake. In a blender, combine the milk and ice cream and blend until smooth. Add any your mix-ins and blend them in to your desired consistency.

  • Measure out the special secret ingredient - the 32.7 days, fermented cum sauce. Remember to consume 250 grams of pineapples prior to producing 100ml of that precious, pearly goodness.

  • Remember this: No matter how yummy the cum sauce looks, DO NOT DIP YOUR DISGUSTING HANDS TO LICK IT. You never know where your hands have been touching.

-Serve. Pour the shake into the chilled glass and serve immediately.

  • Remember to enjoy this with your family! Cheers! :)

But idk tho...