this post was submitted on 06 Jun 2024
682 points (97.1% liked)

memes

10223 readers
1830 users here now

Community rules

1. Be civilNo trolling, bigotry or other insulting / annoying behaviour

2. No politicsThis is non-politics community. For political memes please go to [email protected]

3. No recent repostsCheck for reposts when posting a meme, you can only repost after 1 month

4. No botsNo bots without the express approval of the mods or the admins

5. No Spam/AdsNo advertisements or spam. This is an instance rule and the only way to live.

Sister communities

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 58 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (15 children)

There's a method, gents. Push the gooch a few times while using your "stop peeing" muscle. Then, pinch the shaft, applying pressure from the underside. Starting from the base, bring your fingers forward up the shaft towards the tip until you get those last few drops. It's clumsy at first, but you build a routine and the drip drip is a thing of the past.

Women who try this: you're just going to end up with your fingers in your vajayjay, not that I discourage that.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

There's a faux Christian saying: "If you shake it more that three times, that's masturbation."

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

What if I can bust without touching it? Does God just congratulate me for the skill?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Had that happen once (I'm a very needy guy, mmmk?). But I'm satanic so I'll let you know when I pick up my penthouse suite from the man himself. Probably throw you a party and bring a dozen guys in to blow you proper until you faint, I guess. No basic-bitch 'congratulations' here. We go all out.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Something about this comment and the way it was written has given me the vague feeling of a deep and interesting story in which you're playing a part. There's an air of mystery to it but a promise of a good time. 10/10 comment.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago

Tldr Jack it.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Do you mean gooch? Chode is a penis that is girthier than it is long

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I guess I've been using that term wrong for a very long term or the definition changed a while back. I consulted the urban dictionary which heartily agrees with you.

Actually, scrolling to page two in the urban dictionary does highlight the contention on the definition, so I don't feel too bad.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

I feel that pulling your balls forward and applying some pressure behind them, kind of improves this milking technique but basically, anything that gets more pee out after youre finished is good.

I also suspect that this is not the same between each time and can vary depending on many things

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

There are far more effective techniques out there. Please see this research paper by a top-tier scientist:

https://garry.net/posts/piss-shake

Or it might instead be a blog post by a video game developer, I don't really understand the difference.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Sounds kinda painful

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

That's right, all men need to know about pressing the button. 🙌🏻

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I have seen people explain it but I still can't visualise this. Can you explain in more detail? For science. (But unironically)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

"To empty this residual urine, the reported most effective method is called “urethral milking”. To do this, take your index finger and place it in the area between your scrotum and your rectum. Apply gently pressure and move your finger forward, up over the scrotum, and to the base of your penis, effectively draining any liquid that remains. Do this 3 times and then ‘milk’ your penis, gently squeezing from the base to the tip." - https://menshealth.com.au/how-to-stop-pee-drips/

Personally, I only do it once and it has worked wonders. Lmk if you need a visual aid(Unironically, that method fucking changed my life and I think it is so great that dads should be passing it on to their sons).

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, I will have to look up a visual guide for that. I can't make this shit work. Thank you for sharing.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

Milk it, like the cow that you are😅

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] [email protected] 42 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Put them back on? Don't you mean pull them back up?

What exactly is going on here?

[–] [email protected] 29 points 5 months ago

You have to take them off, if you want to sit backwards and rest your phone on the tank

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

Paprika asking the spicy questions we didn't know we needed the answers to!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Oh shit lmao. Guy is just out here air-drying his butthole for all to see. Some call it disgusting, but others? Efficient. Jensen, promote this man!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

There is such a thing as forbidden knowledge, bud. There's a reason for it.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It’s most likely to happen when I’m wearing pants that are light enough to really show through. If my pants are dark and will hide it, my dick probably works twice as well that day.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

You at your desk, staring at your dick: "cmon... WORK! You fuckin worked yesterday..."

Your boss who is standing behind you: "wtf"

[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago (5 children)

When you finish tinkling, just give the bit between the plums and the starfish a little poke to get the last few drops out.

You're welcome.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

Seriously... However awkward it is to talk about, it worked so well I told my coworkers lol

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

I keep hearing this but can't seem to get it to work :(

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

Listen... If you don't hear back from me, thanks for the life changing advice.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

You need to bring a starfish from the beach when you go

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago

Thats why I always helicopter at the urinal.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

Our generation has aged a hell of a lot quicker than others, I blame MTV.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

Look up urethral milking. It helps.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

My cat’s name is Sphincter.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

Truth!!! Lord help yah if you wear cargo shorts and the wrong pair of boxers.

“Yeah, the faucet sprayed everywhere.”

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

Just walk on the spot while shaking your fella, works for me, tricks the little prick into thinking I've walked off.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

You gotta switch back to retention mode and relax before storage. There's a little bit of lag when the valve ages.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

I mean... Maybe wipe as well? I just use like a square or two of TP and haven't really had any dripping issues since I started doing that.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

A dick being a dick

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

You spelled butt and poo wrong.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

gotta squeeze the grundle

load more comments
view more: next ›