this post was submitted on 10 May 2024
795 points (97.6% liked)

Greentext

4460 readers
360 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
795
Anon makes money (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 163 points 6 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 62 points 6 months ago

Thank you, was going to request this

[–] [email protected] 51 points 6 months ago

Too many pixels, I can't read it.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 60 points 6 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 6 months ago

Needs more compression!

[–] [email protected] 126 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Get stabbed

Bleed out in a literal gutter

$800 tho

[–] [email protected] 59 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Fun trick! Don't try in America!

[–] [email protected] 33 points 6 months ago (4 children)

If anything it would be easier in America.

Just shoot them the second they touch it. Even if they're running away with it and you shoot them in the back you will gey away with it.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 6 months ago (1 children)

This protip only works for Cops

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 6 months ago (2 children)

But then you have to move all the time. A pile of bodies might scare off bike thieves.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 months ago

Disclaimer: This post advises you to commit crimes. Do not take this post as fact.

Disclaimer pt.2: You may get away with it "in Texas, at night, and on your own property," but you have to hit all 3/3 of those, if you have 0/3, 1/3, or 2/3, you are also going to be prosecuted.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago

Alternatively, run over with car. You can commit any crime while in a car and get away with it. It's the law.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Do Americans even know how to ride a bicycle?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Yes, but they don’t know how to change gears.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Inexperienced, but possible. If only bikes worked the same way as America's best anti-theft measure: a car with manual transmission.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 58 points 6 months ago

This anon is white

[–] [email protected] 51 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I remember there was some guy who installed spyware on a phone that couldn't be wiped off by normal means. Stuff that gave him remote camera access, location, file access, everything. Then he got that phone stolen and made a documentary about this dude's life.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I remember that, he installed it as a system app and would persist through a factory reset

[–] [email protected] 13 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I think it was baked into the OS somehow (probably what you said). He disabled system updates as well so the OS didn't wipe. The only way it could have been removed was flashing the OS, but you'd have to find out it was there to begin with.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 6 months ago

Can someone share that video or article or whatever it is .

[–] [email protected] 48 points 6 months ago (2 children)

It's all fun and games till the person who stole your bike has a weapon, or is bigger than you and has friends with them

[–] [email protected] 39 points 6 months ago (12 children)

I'll take $75 of my profits and buy a shit new bike whenever someone I can't beat up takes it

(I cannot beat up many people. I would not profit from this model.)

load more comments (12 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 43 points 6 months ago
[–] [email protected] 27 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

That's just robbery with extra steps.
AKA police work.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 95 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Answer - yes you DO need to clean under your foreskin

[–] [email protected] 63 points 6 months ago (1 children)

but then all the flavor is gone

[–] [email protected] 25 points 6 months ago (2 children)

just suck it yourself before cleaning duh

[–] [email protected] 15 points 6 months ago

Or jar it up

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago (2 children)

YouTube video on how to do?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Step 1: Remove lower ribs

Step 2: ???

Step 3: Suck

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 6 months ago (5 children)

I understand the “kick a dude’s ass and take their wallet” part, but not why we need the bike with gps prelude

[–] [email protected] 29 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I believe there's a quote by "Taco" in"Better call Saul" along the lines of "I love robbing criminals, because they never go to the cops"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 23 points 6 months ago (2 children)

It's to make sure the victim deserves it.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 months ago

Lemmy needs an out of context quotes community.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago (1 children)

i guess you really do suck then lol

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Seriously, it's just mugging. The bicycle part is a whole separate issue, if you do this you're just mugging people. Same crime, same potential legal consequences, same potential for getting a sharpened screwdriver in your kidney.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 27 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Enh, repeatable fetch quests are boring.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 months ago

It's a bounty hunting quest, though.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago

Criminals can't call the cops...

load more comments
view more: next ›