If this dude figured out how to lift a full size duty weapon out of a retention holster using nothing but a plastic dino-grabber then he deserves to keep those guns.
this post was submitted on 09 May 2024
961 points (97.5% liked)
Funny
6799 readers
702 users here now
General rules:
- Be kind.
- All posts must make an attempt to be funny.
- Obey the general sh.itjust.works instance rules.
- No politics or political figures. There are plenty of other politics communities to choose from.
- Don't post anything grotesque or potentially illegal. Examples include pornography, gore, animal cruelty, inappropriate jokes involving kids, etc.
Exceptions may be made at the discretion of the mods.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
That's the only reason, I think, that he was able to "repeatedly" do it instead of being arrested after the first time. Cop was so impressed that he managed it, he let him off with a warning and a handshake. Once is cool. Twice is funny. Three times is getting annoying. Fourth time is kind of embarrassing to the officers at this point. And fifth time is too far.
Fourth time is kind of embarrassing to the officers at this point.
Isn't the first time kind of embarrassing for them? If not, shouldn't it be?
Sixth time is getting shot .
I doubt these were retention holsters. It wouldn't surprise me if he was doing it specifically to draw attention to how many cops are walking around with non-approved holsters.
It turns out that the explanation is even simpler. It simply never happened.
Annnnnnnnd…it’s fake.
(I’m aware I’m fact checking a shitpost, but wow people just instantly believe shitposts, so here we are.)
It is a deliberately deceptive shitpost, most of the humor is based on the assumption the article is real.
Gosh dang it! Stop stealing our dreams!
Edit: I just clicked the link. Damn, man. Two people's lives destroyed in an instant. How hard does this eyebrow dude hit? Is he a professional boxer or something?
It’s easier than you think. Most often it’s when they fall and hit their head on the ground after being knocked out.
Some drunk dude wanted to fight me at a nightclub once so I went outside to smoke a cigarette and give him some space. He followed me outside and swung on me. I just dodged his drunk-ass hook, and he spun himself all the way around, lost his balance, and fell. When he fell his head hit a brick planter, and the sound it made was disturbing. I do not think he was okay. But I didn't stick around to find out. I didn't even touch him, so I just went back inside. I saw an ambulance out there some time later, and I'm assuming it was for Mr. Drunk boxer guy. He kicked his own ass.
Darnold told deputies that he walked into the convenience store and bought cigarettes. When he walked out, Aryafar asked him for a "smoke." Darnold offered him a cigarette, but Aryafar allegedly wanted weed.
When he said he didn't have any to sell, the two said expletives to one another and moved on.
Moments later, Amir allegedly walked toward the car Dardnold was in. He got out of the vehicle, punched Aryafar once, which knocked him down, and then got back in the car with his girlfriend and drove off.
That story of Dar(d)nold and Ayafar has somehow more typos than the shitpost. At least it isn't AI.
Chicago man is like Florida man but with a genius mind.
He has a plan.
We are all doomed.
Chicago and Florida man, Chicago and Florida man,
One is a genius, the other's insaine
What are we going to do tonight, Chicago man?
Same thing we do every night, Florida man: EAT DEEP DISH PIZZA
We goin to giordanos of course!
What type of holsters are these jokers using? Any normal cop holster should have a 2 or 3 distinct hand motions to unholster their gun. That means pushing it down and twisting or something to that effect. You shouldn't be able to just lift a cops gun out of his holster, for good reason.
Fake story.
They gotta have easily accessible in case they need to shoot a 14 year old
Especially if that 14 yo is black.
load more comments
(2 replies)
Had to keep rereading because my brain kept seeing "toy dildo grabber"
I mean, you could probably use it for that, too.
For those that care, this (while funny in concept) is fake.
Here's where this man's photo is from:
load more comments
(1 replies)
The arched eyebrow tells me he plans to do it again.
“Oh, you think I’ll stop?”
It’s actually the face of a man who got in a fight outside of a 7-11 that lead to a death. A real folk hero.
Oh shit. I like him a lot less, now. Not that I liked him before, but it's less now.
repeatedly? lol what
You get better at it with practice . Word is he has 2000 stuffed dolphin plushies, won from the fair ground grab machines.
load more comments
(1 replies)
There's an entire industrial position waiting for this guy's unique skill set. Heavy lift manipulator\grabbers!
Finally: Adult Dino Grabbies
he did nothing wrong
Tbh if that works on the gun holster, then maybe the cop or whoever equipped him should be arrested.
No journal would write 'off of' in a headline
Why not?
It's bad grammar. "from" says the same thing in fewer words, which is generally how news headlines are structured.
A tighter headline would be:
Chicago man used grabber toy to steal police firearms, arrested
But that headline is far less amusing to read
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(3 replies)
And even worse "Off of Officers". That just sounds ridiculous.
Wow, this is such a biased take ughhh, let me rewrite this in proper newspeak.
"Last saturday an officers gun ejected from their holster after making contact with a dino toy grabber, the man holding the dino toy grabber retracted their arm from the situation and the firearm was taken along with the toy grabber. The man holding the dino toy testified in court the other day that he felt he had no other choice but to retract the dino grabber once the situation escalated from a playful dino bite to a potential non-armed dino bite attack and the firearm was unfortunately stuck in the jaws of the toy dino grabber which caused it to also be retracted. The police officer was not questioned for comment and had $500 dollars in their wallet at the time which was confiscated by local anarchists who believed the money was most certainly involved in some kind of illegal crimes at some point (a practice that surely would not be legal in a civilized society)."
$500 dollars
"Five-hundred-dollar dollars"
You got me, I have a mediocre command of the english language and I feel well about it.
load more comments
(2 replies)
man those "class 3" or whatever the fuck called retention holders seem to be working really well...
I wonder if the police know how to use them lmao.
Much easier to pull the gun and shoot somebody.
🤨
pro gun nuts hate this simple trick!
view more: next ›