this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2025
25 points (90.3% liked)

Casual Conversation

3245 readers
107 users here now

Share a story, ask a question, or start a conversation about (almost) anything you desire. Maybe you'll make some friends in the process.


RULES (updated 01/22/25)

  1. Be respectful: no harassment, hate speech, bigotry, and/or trolling. To be concise, disrespect is defined by escalation.
  2. Encourage conversation in your OP. This means including heavily implicative subject matter when you can and also engaging in your thread when possible. You won't be punished for trying.
  3. Avoid controversial topics (politics or societal debates come to mind, though we are not saying not to talk about anything that resembles these). There's a guide in the protocol book offered as a mod model that can be used for that; it's vague until you realize it was made for things like the rule in question. At least four purple answers must apply to a "controversial" message for it to be allowed.
  4. Keep it clean and SFW: No illegal content or anything gross and inappropriate. A rule of thumb is if a recording of a conversation put on another platform would get someone a COPPA violation response, that exact exchange should be avoided when possible.
  5. No solicitation such as ads, promotional content, spam, surveys etc. The chart redirected to above applies to spam material as well, which is one of the reasons its wording is vague, as it applies to a few things. Again, a "spammy" message must be applicable to four purple answers before it's allowed.
  6. Respect privacy as well as truth: Don’t ask for or share any personal information or slander anyone. A rule of thumb is if something is enough info to go by that it "would be a copyright violation if the info was art" as another group put it, or that it alone can be used to narrow someone down to 150 physical humans (Dunbar's Number) or less, it's considered an excess breach of privacy. Slander is defined by intentional utilitarian misguidance at the expense (positive or negative) of a sentient entity. This often links back to or mixes with rule one, which implies, for example, that even something that is true can still amount to what slander is trying to achieve, and that will be looked down upon.

Casual conversation communities:

Related discussion-focused communities

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Some people fall firmly into one camp or the other. Which do you prefer?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Definitely giving. I like making my people happy.

When I get a gift, there's always the knowledge that they want to make me happy, which kicks in my lingering urge to let them know I'm happy, which then makes me feel performative, even though I'm being genuine most of the time. That makes it difficult to actually be in the moment, which makes my expressions less genuine, which creates this feedback loop where I feel increasingly fake even though I'm actually really happy.

Seriously, as chaotic as that paragraph is, it feels more chaotic. I got over being a people pleaser a long time ago, except for people I care about. Like, if I'm at work and get a box of chocolates, ima say thank you, with a smile, and not care if whoever it was felt it to be genuine.

But when I care, then I want them to share that happiness loop with me. I want them to have that urge for the gift to make me happy succeed because they did make me happy, even if the gift itself was utter shit. It feels so good that someone cared enough to get me anything that they weren't obligated to (which is why work gifts are different usually). But I'm picking up all that eagerness they have for the gift to be a good gift that brings joy, and I want to fulfill that. That wanting, that attachment to their happiness is a difficult to resolve paradox for me.

If I don't feel attached to their happiness, it would be easier to just live in the moment and share my happiness. But that very attachment is part of why I'm happy, because their happiness is vital to my own.

I'm fairly confident that this paradox will never be resolved at this point. Fifty years, and I've yet to manage separating things out so that I can just enjoy the moment exactly as it is when gifts are given to me. Kinda dubious it'll resolve in the future lol.

Then again, I did resolve the other end of things, where I don't feel any dissonance if my gift to another doesn't work out. So maybe?

But, I think you can see why that dichotomy of preference exists.