Ask Lemmy
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"Hey, got any hobbies or interests?"
No, really, most people are dying to talk about their hobbies and will gladly tell you if you ask...
True. But in my experience, people tend to engage a little better in the conversation if it feels more natural.
I’m not sure I understand what you mean? Seems very natural to me, especially if you already talk as a habit. Do you mean how do you preface the question or smooth into it or something?
What do you normally talk about? I mean, I don’t think you need to make this more complicated than it is. If you do talk already, I think it follows you’d naturally want to know more of each other? So you’d ask. How more natural can it really get?
Edit: you know what, this is my suggestion: stop overthinking it. You don’t need to make science of it and consciously think about engagement and all that, just go with the flow. You want to know something, you’ll have to eventually just ask. That’s as natural as it gets. Just keep talking and it’ll all come if the interest is mutual
Edit2: actually sorry about going on tangents and making this long, but I have to say I never thought asking questions wasn’t natural, but I have adhd and had that unmedicated and unmanaged for most of my youth. So I always just talked and talked and had fun knowing more and more, and part of that is asking questions, or that’s how I think about it. People seem very glad they get to talk about things, a lot of people don’t really get the opportunity enough I guess. I had fun and a lot of people around me and never was alone or without company if I wanted some, be it just normal casual friend stuff or romantic or sexual or whatever. I think a big part of that was the naive and unfiltered interest and questions I just had about everything and the lack of awareness about if that might be weird. ADHD just made me go and go and do and do and I never thought any of it was unnatural, and nobody ever mentioned something in that vein either. I bet some people found that annoying or rude or whatever, but those people wouldn’t have stayed in my life either way, so I guess, even thinking about it medicated and the adhd managed, in hindsight, it wouldn’t have mattered one bit.
This is all just to say that there isn’t just one good way of approaching things especially socially. I had a bunch of luck thanks to the adhd impulsivity and lack of any deeper self-awareness about social stuff, so it came naturally to me, but that same mindset can be achieved and kind of “clicked” consciously too. But that’s not the point. The point is, just go and do things, if it works it works, if not, it never would’ve worked either way, and something else will come up and work. Things have a way of working out without conscious input.