this post was submitted on 21 Jan 2024
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[–] [email protected] 110 points 8 months ago (4 children)

404 Media report[ed] last month that ads promoting "semen stealing" were showing up on the site.

Wait what now

[–] [email protected] 43 points 8 months ago (3 children)

I mean, where do you get your semen?

[–] [email protected] 32 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 28 points 8 months ago (2 children)

It's 9pm. Do you know where your semen is?

[–] [email protected] 21 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Once I figured out how to get it back into my penis I became unstoppable.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Well that UTI was unstoppable anyway.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago

Just pour some cranberry juice in afterwards.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

If I were someone with no tact and low-brow humor, I'd say it's in your mom's mouth. Fortunately I'm much better than that. So I'll just say it's slowly gathering in preparation for a pre-sleep release into a few tissues.

ETA: which I will douse in hot sauce before flushing down the toilet.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 8 months ago

I got the rest from this guy named Ralph in an alley--stupid asshole didn't even charge me, he just told me to close my eyes and suck it out of a hose!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago
[–] [email protected] 22 points 8 months ago (2 children)

I wanted to see what kind of ads that might actually be since I have zero concept. I do not recommend typing "semen stealing" into Google innocently and hoping for an answer.

I'm going to have some weird ads now...

[–] [email protected] 20 points 8 months ago (1 children)

And yet you didn't share the info with us? Shame on you

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

You're welcome to weird up your ads, also.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Here's the summary for the wikipedia article you mentioned in your comment:

Forced fatherhood or imposed paternity, occurs when a man's semen is used, against his will or without his knowledge or consent, to inseminate a woman, it includes deception by a partner about their ability to get pregnant or use of contraceptives, birth control sabotage, and sexual assaults of males that result in pregnancy. "Sperm theft" (also known as "unauthorized use of sperm", "spermjacking" or "spurgling" (a portmanteau of sperm and burgling), refers to a specific form of forced fatherhood where a males semen is collected without his consent. Although the term uses the word "theft", it more closely falls under a state of fraud or breach of contract. Stealing of sperm in itself without using it for successful insemination is not illegal and is difficult to prove. It usually has no bearing on issues like child support.

^to^ ^opt^ ^out^^,^ ^pm^ ^me^ ^'optout'.^ ^article^ ^|^ ^about^

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

Say what now? Stealing sperm isn't illegal unless you use it?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I saw... that. But what could someone advertise about it! And that's a curiosity those links don't answer...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I like how you're just adbaiting us at this point

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

Entirely by accident I assure you.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Yea this guy is the hero of the thread, I would have just not bothered with the article if it wasn't for you pointing that line out

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

Couldn't find that username or email is my favourite person!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago

Yep, I’ve seen that, along with ads for “jack-off pants”: