Well I wouldn't want to bother her.
this post was submitted on 04 Apr 2024
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I don't want to be the creep that approaches women.
Yeah... my worst fear as well.
I'm sure its easy when you're a tall, handsome dude. If you're just the chubby dude whose not quite 6ft tall, yeah, good luck. I always worry I will come off as a creep. I'm just lonely and think they're swell.
I'm turning into these people that give advice no one asked for, but as of this morning I'm 20kg down on my weight loss journey, only 3kg from my initial goal and about to transition from intense calorie control to lifting weights and growing muscle, so it feels right.
If you do want to lose the chub, I strongly suggest simply tracking your calories and adding even just a little bit of sport weekly. I didn't do much sport at all yet because the low calories mean low energy, also it's been much easier for me to control calories than exercise, because it's something I simply need to not do, as opposed to having to take time out of my day (though I'm now getting at the point of the journey where this is gonna have to change).
I went for MyFitnessPal for calorie counting though there are better options like Chronometer with only verified foods but if you're not in the US like me it doesn't have everything, MFP has everything but it's user submitted, so just double check with the labels.
I also started weighing in every morning (but don't be too bothered by daily figures, look at weekly averages instead). Smart scale is great for this.
I also have a Garmin watch to track my vitals and exercising but seriously, calorie/macro control was by far the number one thing that helped. It feels like I was blind to food my whole life and only now finally learning about what goes into my body, just having the vision/knowledge of what I eat and drink makes all the difference. Also helped me kick my alcohol usage way down. Drinking 2.8L of water a day also helps with the cravings.
Anyway that's me out, putting the soapbox away now :D
Congrats!
Drinking 2.8L of water a day also helps with the cravings.
What if it doesn't for some of us, though?
There's always cocaine... I'm kidding!! But the truth is yeah if you go hard on limiting calories, there's gonna be moments you're feeling the hunger, it's natural, you should feel that in your life that's the normal way. It helps a lot to focus on foods that provide good long term sustenance, proteins, healthy fats, and the right amount of carbs (that's where the app comes in).
Sounds like good advice, but most guys with chub can still land a woman.
Is it more important not to do it at the workplace or other non-social settings. Also, looking nice, (think about having it done professionally) is a must for good impressions, especially first impressions. Along top of that, just training the charisma without worrying about someone's feelings being hurt is a great way to practice. Usually with friends, but can be done with random people as long as you pick your battles and don't push them aggressively. Not greatest advice, but making friends, being funny, and standing your ground on your beliefs will land you the right one. Don't chase a pretty girl. That's just asking for trouble.
Oh yeah for sure, physical appearance should be pretty low on the list of considerations in your partner unless you're just shallow or looking for one night stuff. I'm happily married so I'm not even doing it for women at all (well, for one woman I guess), more for my health and making sure I'm able to play/do stuff with my kid and a bit for my work also. I was just riding high on progress this morning, saw the word chub and just went off lmao.
Yeah, right? Why would they want me? May as well save us both the embarrassment and awkwardness by never interacting again, and save myself the pain by kicking down any romantic feeling or inclination I have so I'll eventually stop having them and won't have to feel bad about not being able to act on them
Fuck, sorry, I'm a lot better mentally nowadays but sometimes that still surfaces. Hard to stop over a decade of that kind of thinking and mental habits
I know this all too well, although for me it surfaces much less as the thought of "saving myself the pain", but instead being a very aggressive: "I am so bad/worthless, any attempt by me could be genuinely hurtful/transgressive".
Had a lot of work, therapy, life developments, it got better, but never truly vanished as this thing that sometimes bubbles up at the core of my self - some days more, some days less. Wishing you the best in your own struggles with thoughts and feelings like that.
Fuck, that hit home. I’m with someone that I love and it’s great. I love myself and that’s great. But man, years of feeling ^^ this way. Cheers to each of us and anyone else who known this feeling.
The important part is you're doing the work, and I want to recognize your effort and thank you for it.
I'm on my own journey and I always have to remind myself that even though the work is hard, it is necessary to end the cycle of harm. Continuing the cycle is infinitely worse than the hard work. The more people that end the cycle, the better the world will become.
I feel you, I'm in the same boat. However
Fuck, sorry, I'm a lot better mentally nowadays
Your profile picture does not signal this. Are you ok?
I like to tell myself that it's fine, and that I can live this way, and justify it with knowing this is not a privilege. Probably I'm hiding my mental problems well enough for others not to see it, but they are there. I know I'm not fine, and another thing I know is that I would tell otherwise when it comes up.
Yeah, I'm on dating apps and actively trying to make connections these days. I still have some dark times, but they're about as bad as my baseline was a year ago. Things are so much better in general, and when they aren't I can handle it much better. I appreciate your concern!
This is where the pictures originally from, I cropped it and touched it up a bit. In context it's not as bad as it looks but it does resonate with me
Why would they want me?
I've seen total hotties being together with lawn-mower faces. Anything is possible.
Omg he's literally me
One day I'll find my soulmate.
::never leaves the house::
Thanks, it's the tism.
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Are we using "dudes" in the non-gendered sense? Because I've noticed this type of behavior with women far more often than with men.
Probably based off of the societal expectation that men have to make the move.
But yeah, you're more than right with that. So many times, I've listened to lady friends tell they've got a crush on someone, and I tried to push them to make a move, because I'm dead certain that certain someone would explode from happiness, and they just look at me like I'm speaking Manganese.
Like, not even that they're lacking courage, just full on this assumption that they cannot do that, by law of nature.
Well, with the difference that ladies have a higher chance that some dude will make a move, so even if they never make a move themselves, they have a much lower risk of staying alone.
I would also look at you funny if you were speaking manganese.
Yeah, pun intended. 🙃
Although, I had literally just learned what manganese is before posting the comment above, and it sounded like the name of a language to me, so that's how that pun came to be.
Was it because of that other post about the two genders Fe (iron) and Mn (Manganese)?
Exactly, yes. I was hoping someone had seen that post, too, and would get a chuckle out of the reference. :)
Self pity is easier than taking a chance.
Restraining order or it never happened
but what if I never even had a crush?