this post was submitted on 21 Mar 2024
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[–] [email protected] 114 points 7 months ago (6 children)

I mean WTF is a horse gonna do with prep time?

[–] [email protected] 155 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Become an expert in his field.

[–] [email protected] 58 points 7 months ago (1 children)

He’s already outstanding in his field.

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 7 months ago
[–] [email protected] 28 points 7 months ago

Studying the blade

[–] [email protected] 14 points 7 months ago
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[–] [email protected] 78 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Not to brag, but, with a little bit of trainig, I think I can easily win against a trout, as long as the fight is not in the water. But we're only talking hypotheticaly, of course. It would only come to that if the trout picks up the fight first and we don't manage to resolve our issue with healthy communication... I'm not a monster.

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[–] [email protected] 73 points 7 months ago (3 children)

my toxic trait is thinking I could win a fight with a goose

[–] [email protected] 44 points 7 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 30 points 7 months ago (4 children)

I'm not huge or athletic but I probably weigh, like, twice as much as a goose. I get that they're incredibly pissy and they have teeth and pointy bits, but I'm still betting on me.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Our battle will be legendary. I may lose my life but I am bringing down the bastard with me.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Punt to the chest. Bird bones are papier mâché. Never get in a fist fight with a goose, their wings will break your arms. Definitely don't try and snap its spindly little neck. Just kick it in the chest

[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 months ago

Maybe if you have little bird bitch arms.

Me? I'm nothing but arms. With all the typing and masturbation I do, I'm nothing but them.

Me: 💪🧠 🤳

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (9 children)

A snake.

Because I'm Australian and grew up in the country, I was taught how to take them down with a sharpened shovel when I was five. Coincidentally, I got my first one a few months later in the garage when it rushed out of a tarpaulin toward me and I shoveled the head off, just like mum taught me. Common brown too (a.k.a Eastern Brown, but they're everywhere. One of the most venomous snakes in the world).

My next one was a red-belly black snake that rushed out of a log. I used a mallet to crush the head and was 6. Also one of the venomous snakes in the world. We have most of them here.

Always go straight for the head with distance and speed.

It may sound cruel to not try scare them into an area and call someone for removal, but they're just too dangerous. And if it's there, it's made territory there, so if you lose it it will definitely show up again. Most are aggressive, so you need to take the chance when you've got it because it's simply more dangerous not to and come off second best next time.

It's also common to deal with pythons, getting one sunbaking off the road or out of the house if it overstepped it's boundaries. We like those ones though and definitely don't hurt them, especially if they make home in the roof or under the house. They keep the possums and mice away, therefore the venomous ground snakes away. Roof python is snek bro and a very welcome guest. It's sad when you notice one's probably moved out :(

[–] [email protected] 34 points 7 months ago

Not even roof snek can afford the rent now

[–] [email protected] 19 points 7 months ago

After reading about you (justly) killing snakes, I'm very glad I got to learn about roof pythons.

I think someine I know set a garter snake on fire once- that's about as much as I've interacted with them, anyway.

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I can definitely kill an hour

[–] [email protected] 17 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Does an hour get prep time?

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 7 months ago (3 children)

I can fight a blue whale. The whale would fail to perceive me as a threat, and so when it wanders away I win by default.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 7 months ago

It's been a long time since I got the old 'your opponent walked away.. YOU WIN' Victory screen

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 7 months ago (5 children)

NOT a cat... Don't ask me how I know.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago

Cats are the rightful rulers of this world. It would be foolish to oppose them.

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (10 children)

I grew up in rural Canada. A guy I knew was drunk in the woods with friends and tried to ride a young deer that came up to them(the deer got used to people in that area feeding them, something that is not recommended) annnnnnd it beat the shit out of him and his 6 friends. He got a bad concussion and lost sight in one of his eyes.

Don't fuck with animals. They are built different.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 7 months ago
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[–] [email protected] 26 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Give me a pointy enough stick and my tribe can take down any animal

[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago (2 children)

"Am I allowed to run it to exhaustion?"

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 7 months ago (4 children)

A fish, unless I'm underwater instead of it being on land

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (3 children)

Wait wait wait, hear me out
A snail

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago (6 children)

Im not risking it unless I can verify the identity of the snail beforehand. With my luck, I know what snail it would be.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Is the snail already chasing after me?

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Shark, as long as we are on land. I’d just outrun him then call coup by hitting him with a stick while he’s gasping for air. I guess at that point I could take on a blue whale, but that would just make me feel like a dick. I’ll stick with the shark. Any shark, any time, 1.5 miles inland.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 7 months ago (4 children)

The chance of getting attacked by a shark on land are small, but not zero.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 7 months ago (5 children)

Could you take all the sharks in Missouri?

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 7 months ago (1 children)

When my father was younger he devised a plan to drop down out of a tree onto the back of a deer and take it down with a knife. He said it beat the shit out of him with its antlers. So I think I could take down a doe, a deer, a female dear.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Is your dad's name Ray? A drop of golden sun?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 months ago

No that's me, a name I call myself.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago

You need to ask why, thats how you get the hour long explanation

[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Do you get immediate medical treatment after, and is it free?

[–] [email protected] 31 points 7 months ago (7 children)

Assuming you're not American, yes.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 months ago (6 children)

Yeah but we Americans get to use as many guns as we can carry on our person.

I guess +guns and -healthcare makes us the glass cannons of the man vs beast challenge!

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago (18 children)

A horse?! that guy is delusional... most men won't have the ability to defeat (unarmed) anything bigger than a medium size dog...

Anything bigger will likely overpower a regular human, most smaller would just be too fast or have different, naturally occurring weaponry to defeat us

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Maybe an especially passive grasshopper?

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago

House centipede. In fact, I could probably take on two of them!

Not three though.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago

But do not forget to specify, that you mean 'in a fight'.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago (9 children)

Humans have no real advantages in a 1:1 fight agains most larger mammals. A lot have horns, tusks, claws…

Humans got their points in STA, AGI, and INT. We don’t defeat large mammals in unarmed combat. We can barely handle anything much larger than a boar with close arms like a spear.

No, we defeat large animals by outsmarting and outlasting them. And usually that only works when we are on the offense and have an advantage by stalking. In a fair fight that gets a lot more challenging. Horses are fucking fast. Persistence hunting may have worked, but that’s by us chasing the prey.

So, assuming we are facing head to head, at the start of the fight, I would probably fake to the right, then run past the horse on my left. It’ll take him a while to turn around. That’ll buy me a few seconds to hopefully run somewhere where there are some obstacles or corners on the way to higher ground. If I can climb and get above the horse, all bets are off. Only Nirn horses are decent climbers.

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