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The biggest pill was that I am not intelligent. I was just studious and invested enough time to pass exams. People not doing what they should do is not them being stupid but me not grasping the full picture.
The second biggest pill that I am still swallowing is that I am not a good person. I try to behave in a good way, but it's manipulative and not authentic. People don't like goodness if it doesn't come from the heart.
You sound like a very interesting person if I may say so (: Love me some folks who were brave enough to have faced these gigantic pillbottles.
That trauma is not an identity and if I want to grow as a person I have to resolve that trauma and let go of the past.
It was an incredibly large antibiotic pill because I didnβt want to shower (it took away from reading) and I got impetigo.
When people told me I was smart as a child/young adult, what they really meant was I was showcasing a skill they lacked, which the overwhelming majority of people don't give a shit about an adult having.
Just because I've been in relationships for years doesn't mean I'm any good at them π¬
Yes... quitting all your jobs and becoming homeless is much better then getting abused 80 hours a week by your 3 employers
But there can be a better way.
I realized at about 20 that I can really hurt people by trying to whitewash reality and sweep the bad away.
I also have a hard time making friends and then maintaining those relationships. Would like to get better, but apparently not enough to actually do so? We'll see. Life is searching.
That I come from a highly dysfunctional family and my entire personality is a reaction to them. I knew they were dysfunctional but I was in denial about their impact. Connecting with my true self had been a bitch.
I was causing most of my own problems by having too many expectations that werenβt actually necessary
I'm a bitter, angry, mfer and I need to chill out sometimes
Relatable tbh. I think a good part of it was depression in my younger years, but, I used to be an incredibly angry person.
It took a long time for me to accept that the truth is, you don't get angry about shit you don't care about. Hard to accept that half the things I'd get angry at weren't worth it. The other half anger just wasn't a helpful response. Been a long process of learning to have a better reaction for me.
You are me.
I play shitty passive-aggressive mindgames. When I bleed, scorpions and stinging-flies spawn from the puddles.
I gotta spend less time on lemmy
TikTok β Reddit β Lemmy β ...grass?
Screw grass, touch moss instead
I've started noticing that I'm echoing some of the bad habits of my father, either behaviorally or genetically, I'm not sure which. I'm determined to never go down that path because I've seen what it's done to our family. I've made some changes that will hopefully head that off. If those don't help, there's always professional help.
Still, depressing to realize.
The realization of how truely alone I am when everything started collapsing after our house was sold and how my parents who supposedly were suppose to love me, don't love me and how I do have daddy issues because of this and I am not exactly as strong mentally as I thought of myself to be.
I need to get a grip when driving and not let others upset me so easily.
I read somewhere that if you're angry when you're driving, you're actually angry about something not driving-related. It's just manifesting while you're behind the wheel.
Stay in the basement. No driving required.
7Hey fellow road rager! I too suffer from this aillment while knowing at the same time that it could be life threatening if I cross paths with an armed short fused a$$hole. I live in a very high traffic city with stuff to do on both sides of it, taking my kid to some classes results in a two hour commute and then two hours back home. Not easy and it makes me want to light my hair on fire sooooo me and my kid play the "maybe" game:
Maybe that guy cut me off because he is pooping in his pants (Kid laughs and it Takes the edge of me bursting into flames)
Maybe that lady trying to pass me in a not so nice way is late for her flight to (insert whatever place you/your kid think of and talk about what things you'd like to do there. While in Italy, for example, we thought about asking for a pizza with pineapple on it and putting a clown wig on the David)
I could go on and on (I won't) but the main thing is to redirect my anger as energy to somewhere else.
I find it amusing when I do it with my kid because it helps us connect while spending time together. When I am by myself I play it too, but the NSFW version: This guy is tailgating me because he cannot wait to get pegg3d when he gets home. Etc etc. I chuckle for a bit and let it pass. Not kink shaming anyone at all.
Maybe I am a bit insane but this has helped me tremendously.
Great outlook i need to try this