this post was submitted on 14 Mar 2025
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Mildly Interesting

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cross-posted from: https://lemmit.online/post/5401622

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/mildlyinteresting by /u/miyog on 2025-03-14 16:02:13+00:00.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Any idea what book the notes were from?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 minute ago

Original Reddit thread linked posited it was from "The Rules".

[–] [email protected] 31 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 13 hours ago (2 children)

Yeah, at no point in my dating life did I ever continue seeking relations past week three. If we’re not fucking by week three, we’re just not fucking.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Yall weird as hell. Ever heard of taking it slow?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 hours ago (2 children)

Nope. Never wanted to waste my time to find out someone was terrible at intimacy. Wife and I slept with each other on our third date, and all these years later still can’t keep our hands off each other.

You do you, but that puritanical shit was always a red flag for me.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Also I never understood "take it slow". What's slow? 90 days? A year? 2 years? A decade?

Then there's the "you should be single for a bit". Okay I've been single for 5 months, but then "no I've been single for two years". You mean I'm not supposed to have intimacy for some arbitrary amount of time? I'm supposed to ignore any advance by anyone no matter how great they may be? I've missed so many good eggs that way.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

I’ve always been of the understanding that people who do the whole “no sex until “x” event or time span” thing seem to consider sex to be a transactional performance, as opposed to raw form of human connection. They expect commitment to come before that connection, and use their withholding as a form of manipulation. To which my reply was always “Next”

[–] [email protected] 2 points 15 minutes ago

100%

It also sets weird and potentially false expectations around sex as an event, which puts undue pressure on both parties, rather than something that simply happens as a natural course of a relationship evolving.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 hour ago

that puritanical shit lmao who said anything about this being religious? I don't follow anything.

It's called "being queer & careful with your partner; getting STI tests, getting to know each other, adjusting to each other's rhythm"

sheesh...

[–] [email protected] 12 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

It doesn't say no fucking, just don't spend the whole night.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago

Ah, the Sexless Innkeeper

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

For me, that is even weirder to be honest.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

If they can’t stand you in the morning, it wasn’t real anyway. It was all about the cookie.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

Some notes:

#1 You present your evidence that him changing his position would be a good thing (for whatever good means here). However, you can't force someone to adopt your position. You can present your argument. Further, you can enumerate your boundaries. If the position you're arguing that he isn't adopting crosses one of your (reasonable) boundaries, you can enumerate what kind of impact it will have on you, and how you would react.

#4 sounds like straight up manipulation. If my partner strokes my ego just to get their way instead of their appreciation/admiration being genuine, that would be a dealbreaker. You don't have to like all the things I like. I'm allowed to have preferences, that may not match yours, and I respect your preferences that may not be mine. However, don't be dishonest with me and my feelings just to extract some kind of concession from me.

#5 You are fully within your rights to establish where your boundaries are, but you need to clearly communicate those to the other person. If you only give away the "cookie" after a relationship has reached a certain point, thats your choice, but fairly early on in the relationship you need to communicate that and let them make their choice. If they leave you because their expectation of receiving the "cookie" is different, thats a good thing. It means you weren't compatible with each other's needs/desires. You are both better off.

#6 We're all a little crazy or broken. In fact, thats usually what makes us unique. When someone accepts you for who and what you are, that is a truly loving experience. However, they can only know who you are when you share it with them. When you do is up to you both how you develop the relationship. The "maintain the mystery" is a bit concerning though. That sounds like game playing.

#7 This is just a repeat of #5

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

When someone accepts you for who and what you are, that is a truly loving experience.

This is true, but let’s also admit that there are some things you should not share too early…

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago

No doubt, I spoke to that with my "when" comment.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 12 hours ago

I want to punch her “cookie” in the face for being called “cookie” lmao

[–] [email protected] 15 points 17 hours ago (4 children)

What the fuck does triangle his mind mean?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 13 minutes ago

It means "stay in school"

[–] [email protected] 52 points 17 hours ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 14 hours ago

Please stop trying to triangle slazer2au's mind about what it says

[–] [email protected] 7 points 17 hours ago

Ah, I assumed it meant time given the context.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 16 hours ago

Δ is the greek uppercase letter Delta, which is used to denote change or difference in math. In the changemyview subreddit the OP can reply with Δ if any comment under their post has convinced them of a different viewpoint.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 17 hours ago

Change. Delta means change in math/science.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 17 hours ago (3 children)

well it's your cookie ans you can give it to anyone you want to. You can wait 90 days for the perfect cup of milk to dip you cookie in and then the milk is spoiled. Do anything you want without expecting anything from others, expectations will make you sad.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

If the milk spoiled in 90 days then it was bad milk from the start.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 hours ago

Idk, tbf if I'm dating a girl and she just won't stay at my house or have me stay over even after she gives me "a cookie" (also I have problems with sex in a relationship being some sort of pavlovian transaction in a strange attempt to train me, but...), I'm going to assume that she isn't really that into me and is kinda just stringing me along until she finds someone "better," so I'll probably be out. Especially if she's not upfront about the deadline so I'm just left to guess at the odd behavior. If it makes me a bad person that I don't want to be treated that way again, so be it I guess.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 15 hours ago

Just bake or buy more cookies and milk.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 15 hours ago

God forbid you do what you want!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 18 hours ago

Live and learn.