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cross-posted from: https://lemmit.online/post/5401622
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/mildlyinteresting by /u/miyog on 2025-03-14 16:02:13+00:00.
Any idea what book the notes were from?
Original Reddit thread linked posited it was from "The Rules".
90 days, wow!
Yeah, at no point in my dating life did I ever continue seeking relations past week three. If we’re not fucking by week three, we’re just not fucking.
It doesn't say no fucking, just don't spend the whole night.
Ah, the Sexless Innkeeper
For me, that is even weirder to be honest.
If they can’t stand you in the morning, it wasn’t real anyway. It was all about the cookie.
Yall weird as hell. Ever heard of taking it slow?
Nope. Never wanted to waste my time to find out someone was terrible at intimacy. Wife and I slept with each other on our third date, and all these years later still can’t keep our hands off each other.
You do you, but that puritanical shit was always a red flag for me.
Also I never understood "take it slow". What's slow? 90 days? A year? 2 years? A decade?
Then there's the "you should be single for a bit". Okay I've been single for 5 months, but then "no I've been single for two years". You mean I'm not supposed to have intimacy for some arbitrary amount of time? I'm supposed to ignore any advance by anyone no matter how great they may be? I've missed so many good eggs that way.
I’ve always been of the understanding that people who do the whole “no sex until “x” event or time span” thing seem to consider sex to be a transactional performance, as opposed to raw form of human connection. They expect commitment to come before that connection, and use their withholding as a form of manipulation. To which my reply was always “Next”
Same. I like physical intimacy, and if they don’t, we’re not compatible.
My wife and I slept together after our first date. We knew each other for only a couple of weeks prior to that. I would have been fine waiting another couple or so, but if she had been hesitant about sex after that, then I would have probably talked to her about our differences in sex drive - like adults should do. Mine is high, and I’m not going to be a good match for anyone who has a low sex drive.
100%
It also sets weird and potentially false expectations around sex as an event, which puts undue pressure on both parties, rather than something that simply happens as a natural course of a relationship evolving.
that puritanical shit lmao who said anything about this being religious? I don't follow anything.
It's called "being queer & careful with your partner; getting STI tests, getting to know each other, adjusting to each other's rhythm"
sheesh...
Some notes:
#1 You present your evidence that him changing his position would be a good thing (for whatever good means here). However, you can't force someone to adopt your position. You can present your argument. Further, you can enumerate your boundaries. If the position you're arguing that he isn't adopting crosses one of your (reasonable) boundaries, you can enumerate what kind of impact it will have on you, and how you would react.
#4 sounds like straight up manipulation. If my partner strokes my ego just to get their way instead of their appreciation/admiration being genuine, that would be a dealbreaker. You don't have to like all the things I like. I'm allowed to have preferences, that may not match yours, and I respect your preferences that may not be mine. However, don't be dishonest with me and my feelings just to extract some kind of concession from me.
#5 You are fully within your rights to establish where your boundaries are, but you need to clearly communicate those to the other person. If you only give away the "cookie" after a relationship has reached a certain point, thats your choice, but fairly early on in the relationship you need to communicate that and let them make their choice. If they leave you because their expectation of receiving the "cookie" is different, thats a good thing. It means you weren't compatible with each other's needs/desires. You are both better off.
#6 We're all a little crazy or broken. In fact, thats usually what makes us unique. When someone accepts you for who and what you are, that is a truly loving experience. However, they can only know who you are when you share it with them. When you do is up to you both how you develop the relationship. The "maintain the mystery" is a bit concerning though. That sounds like game playing.
#7 This is just a repeat of #5
When someone accepts you for who and what you are, that is a truly loving experience.
This is true, but let’s also admit that there are some things you should not share too early…
No doubt, I spoke to that with my "when" comment.
I want to punch her “cookie” in the face for being called “cookie” lmao
What the fuck does triangle his mind mean?
It means "stay in school"
Delta = change
Please stop trying to triangle slazer2au's mind about what it says
Ah, I assumed it meant time given the context.
Δ is the greek uppercase letter Delta, which is used to denote change or difference in math. In the changemyview subreddit the OP can reply with Δ if any comment under their post has convinced them of a different viewpoint.
Change. Delta means change in math/science.
well it's your cookie ans you can give it to anyone you want to. You can wait 90 days for the perfect cup of milk to dip you cookie in and then the milk is spoiled. Do anything you want without expecting anything from others, expectations will make you sad.
If the milk spoiled in 90 days then it was bad milk from the start.
Idk, tbf if I'm dating a girl and she just won't stay at my house or have me stay over even after she gives me "a cookie" (also I have problems with sex in a relationship being some sort of pavlovian transaction in a strange attempt to train me, but...), I'm going to assume that she isn't really that into me and is kinda just stringing me along until she finds someone "better," so I'll probably be out. Especially if she's not upfront about the deadline so I'm just left to guess at the odd behavior. If it makes me a bad person that I don't want to be treated that way again, so be it I guess.
How dare you not enjoy being manipulated!
Just bake or buy more cookies and milk.
God forbid you do what you want!
Live and learn.