Mildly Interesting

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Found some “lessons learned” tucked away in a used book I bought. (i.redd.it)

submitted 19 hours ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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cross-posted from: https://lemmit.online/post/5401622

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/mildlyinteresting by /u/miyog on 2025-03-14 16:02:13+00:00.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

Nope. Never wanted to waste my time to find out someone was terrible at intimacy. Wife and I slept with each other on our third date, and all these years later still can’t keep our hands off each other.

You do you, but that puritanical shit was always a red flag for me.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Also I never understood "take it slow". What's slow? 90 days? A year? 2 years? A decade?

Then there's the "you should be single for a bit". Okay I've been single for 5 months, but then "no I've been single for two years". You mean I'm not supposed to have intimacy for some arbitrary amount of time? I'm supposed to ignore any advance by anyone no matter how great they may be? I've missed so many good eggs that way.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 hours ago (2 children)

I’ve always been of the understanding that people who do the whole “no sex until “x” event or time span” thing seem to consider sex to be a transactional performance, as opposed to raw form of human connection. They expect commitment to come before that connection, and use their withholding as a form of manipulation. To which my reply was always “Next”

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 hour ago

Same. I like physical intimacy, and if they don’t, we’re not compatible.

My wife and I slept together after our first date. We knew each other for only a couple of weeks prior to that. I would have been fine waiting another couple or so, but if she had been hesitant about sex after that, then I would have probably talked to her about our differences in sex drive - like adults should do. Mine is high, and I’m not going to be a good match for anyone who has a low sex drive.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 hour ago

100%

It also sets weird and potentially false expectations around sex as an event, which puts undue pressure on both parties, rather than something that simply happens as a natural course of a relationship evolving.

[–] [email protected] -3 points 3 hours ago

that puritanical shit lmao who said anything about this being religious? I don't follow anything.

It's called "being queer & careful with your partner; getting STI tests, getting to know each other, adjusting to each other's rhythm"

sheesh...