this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

I dunno how exhausted or drunk you’d have to be to pass out with one of those things inserted. Seems like it’d feel like a turd half out and your body would prefer you deal with that and not fall asleep.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 hours ago

Nah good ones are pretty comfy and after a while if you don't cause it to shift you forget it's there

[–] [email protected] 50 points 16 hours ago

It's another carbon monoxide poisoning poisoning

[–] [email protected] 34 points 16 hours ago

Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.

[–] [email protected] 220 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It's a riddle. It was made of ice.

[–] [email protected] 60 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 43 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

... some stay dry, others feel the pain.

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[–] [email protected] 168 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.

"Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing."

[–] [email protected] 21 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

Hey I had a roommate that would steal my inserted butt plugs while I was sleeping.

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[–] [email protected] 52 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

Occam's razor and all that

[–] [email protected] 21 points 21 hours ago

Occam's buttplug

[–] [email protected] 42 points 20 hours ago (8 children)

Do people actually do this?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 57 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

People aren't buying all those butt plugs for decoration. People fall asleep. I don't imagine many people sleep with them on purpose, but certaintly possible to pass out with a butt plug in place.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Sorry, I thought the implication was that someone intentionally slept with one in. I don't know how you'd sleep like that.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

falling asleep is the easy part, the hard part is waking up with a sore asshole knowing you need to make it worse to make it better

[–] [email protected] 1 points 12 minutes ago

I mean, your hole shouldn't be sore in the morning unless you're sizing up with a new plug. Especially not with a stereotypical conical thin necked black silicone one. I've slept with plugs with a neck diameter of like 1.25" before

[–] [email protected] 43 points 20 hours ago (4 children)

Maybe? This came from 4Chan so it's very possible it could be entirely made up lol

[–] [email protected] 19 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."

Literally on 4chan as a header.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 hours ago

also, a statement by Fox News lawyers. (though maybe they used the word "entertainment" instead.)

[–] [email protected] 8 points 14 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Attracted to the same gender

[–] [email protected] 12 points 17 hours ago

4chan makes me believe it more in this case

[–] [email protected] 11 points 18 hours ago

Anything on 4chan I assume isn't real, but pretend it is. More fun that way.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 19 hours ago (5 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 hours ago

Women amirite

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

May I ask why? No disrespect intended, just trying to understand.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

That's the thing. I'd be horny all night and wouldn't be able to sleep.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 hours ago

Hard not to fall asleep at 4am after that 10 hour goon sesh.

Mostly joking.

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[–] [email protected] 75 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.

Know your local mythology.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 hours ago

The more timid subspecies of the feared diarrhea-jet-superpropulsion fairy.

Some say a mere glance of this fairy can have you leave orbit!

[–] [email protected] 177 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Anon needs to go to a hospital soon

[–] [email protected] 136 points 1 day ago (1 children)

but sadly, Anon is American

[–] [email protected] 99 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

The worst condition of them all.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 21 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 20 hours ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 10 points 16 hours ago

It's under the bed.

[–] [email protected] 109 points 1 day ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 72 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Did it have a flared end?

If yes:

It's in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn't remember.

or

He pooped it out while sleeping and his dog ate it.

If no:

Butt plug goblins.

They can be warded away with a metamucil potion.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 13 hours ago

Way worse than your dog eating your homework

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