this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2024
211 points (93.4% liked)

Greentext

4409 readers
1359 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
[email protected]
211
Anon overestimates their mass (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 9 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
26 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

>be me
>was kinda popular in HS
>our friend group had an orbiter and we all stuck around after graduation
>now in college
>orbiter has gotten closer with some members of the friend group I guess
>he gets on my nerves because he can't just find his own group
>last week he texts me
>"hey man do you wanna grab lunch together? I'm buying"
>think he's just trying to suck up to me
>say sure but blow him off
>he texts me again a couple days later
>"we can just grab a beer if you want, I just wanna catch up"
>why wont this guy take the hint
>just leave him on read
>ffw like two weeks
>find out from my friends that he asked each of us individually if we wanted to grab dinner
>everybody else said yes
>find out he got a big inheritance and gave each of them around $1000
>his "best friend" he bought a new phone and gave him $4000 for tuition

guys i fucked up bad. 1000 dollars would unironically change my life right now

top 26 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 135 points 9 months ago (4 children)

Plot twist: Anon was actually the annoying orbiter and the guy with the inheritance was just trying to be nice because no one else in the friend group ever invites Anon to anything

Double plot twist: there is no friend group and Anon is actually just describing something he saw on TV

[–] [email protected] 54 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Given they're on 4Chan, the odds of anon being the annoying orbiter without realising it is definitely non-zero

[–] [email protected] 30 points 9 months ago (1 children)

there is no friend group and Anon is actually just describing something he saw on TV

Well that’s just cheating, you can say that to every greentext.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 9 months ago

Honestly I've always just assumed that's what like 75% of greentexts are anyway

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

That's some twist in a greentext. I usually start with "at least 80% likely to be fake" and adjust upwards from there.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

A week late, but the twist I expect: OP is the orbiter but no inheritance and wanted to hang out with one of the group friends (any of them) one on one but no one is interested so OP came up with a fantasy where they are losing out for not hanging out with him.

[–] [email protected] 64 points 9 months ago (8 children)

AITA for thinking most people who say "$1000 would change my life" would certainly not have their lives changed by that money? In this example, with the new phone being pointed out (4000 for tuition aside), I cant help but imagining he'd just buy a new computer or a pile of games.

Realistically what can $1000 buy (in the US) that actually changes a life?

[–] [email protected] 29 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Honestly just the mental stability of having $1,000 in a saving account would probably change my life. Having a sub 20k income probably gives me a unique perspective, though

[–] [email protected] 21 points 9 months ago (2 children)

They might have about $1000 debt at that moment and they know they have no chance of getting out of it with their current finances. So this would eliminate the debt in one go.

But thats pretty specific of course.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

That would be indeed life changing. Thanks for the perspective.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Even then it doesn't really change anything. He might be back to 0 debt for a moment, but one bad event (broken phone, medical emergency, car accident...) is all it takes for the debt to pile back up.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

It gives them a fighting chance to build an emergency fund before the next emergency versus ending up drowning in interest on the current debt.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Car repair, hot water heater repair, house repair of some kind that you can’t afford, any random 1000 thing you can’t afford but need, a doctors appt and medicine, etc.

You’re not an asshole but you might be out of touch.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (1 children)

All important things for sure. But life changing implies that this $1000 single handedly turn their life around.

When you are poor the $1000 might be quite a bit of money, and very useful to have, but afterwards you're still poor. That's my issue with that kind of statement.

When used to prevent a life and death situation it sure saved your life, but did it turn it around?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago

The cheap car purchase as one scenario could in fact change someone’s life.

1000 bucks for a PO Box so you have a physical address so you can receive benefits, or use it to apply for jobs, etc.

A haircut, a suit, some shoes, now you can get a job hopefully as you’re interview ready.

Putting a down payment down on an apartment providing a stable home so you are safe and can start to rebuild your life.

You’re lucky that you can’t imagine a scenario where that amount of money could change your life.

1000 bucks wouldn’t change my life, 10000 wouldn’t, but I’ve been in a place where 100 bucks could change my life

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

Paying rent is pretty life changing to me

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

A bit yeah. When you're riding that razor's edge of living check to check it can buy a lot of peace of mind

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

That's like almost 2 mortgage payments. If you were on the verge of eviction it might be life changing I guess.

$1000 is also just enough to buy a probably very shitty used car. That could change someone's life if it helped them get a job.

That could also buy groceries for several months if you were waiting for a new job to start

Probably none of this would apply to Anon of course, since he has never had a job and lives in the basement at his elderly mothers house...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

A handful of therapy sessions

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

a fully upgraded retro ThinkPad

[–] [email protected] 51 points 9 months ago

anon says he was popular in high school

Fake

asked out to dinner by another guy

Gay

[–] [email protected] 41 points 9 months ago

Anon doesn't feel bad about being a dick to someone looking for friends, but only feels bad because he missed the chance to scam $1000 out of a desperate guy

Hopefully fake and gay

[–] [email protected] 35 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Hooray. Orbiter didn't get used.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 9 months ago

Anon is a user asshole and i hope nothing but bad things happen to him.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Fake. Anon is the orbiter and wants to invite someone from the friend group, likely for nefarious reasons. He knows or believes the person in question browses 4Chan and is spreading this story as a cautionary tale to make them less likely to refuse.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

The kind of plot you'd see in a Scumbag Dad short