this post was submitted on 10 Feb 2025
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Asklemmy

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 day ago

https://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Middle-School-Crush-to-Like-You

UUUHHHHH


monday


inhales

I like coming here.

In break times, i often get to see her, with her long skirt, her adorable jacket, and her soft, long, brown hair.

She is rather tall in her friend group, she must be 13, maybe 14...

It doesn't stop me for loving her even if i am in my 40's.

Nothing can.

It's not a barbaric attraction like thoses weird pedophiles.

My love is pure.

She's made to be mine.

"I want to be with her together."


tuesday


She just leaved the school to buy her meal.

Today she did attach her hairs into two braids, with ribbons at the ends.

She is so cute.

"I absoluetly want to be with her"


She seems to be alone right now.

"Is it my chance?"

Slowly, gently, silently, I put some chloroform on the piece of cotton.

Softly, purely, nicely, I approach her from behind.

Strangely, surprisingly, quickly, she does a barrel roll and a backflip, and face me with an assault rifle.

Rougly, straightly, immediatly, she say: "ladies and gentleman, we got him"

Painly, horribly, trementously, i get perfored multiple times by supersonic projectiles, and fall on the ground.

"aww man"

I just died trying to get a middle school crush to like me.


Guys don't call the police it's for the thing

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I'm dying in a religious conflict

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

Are you by chance Irish?

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Apparently I'll die becoming Israeli

[–] [email protected] 3 points 20 hours ago

At least you aren't going to die becoming a southern belle.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago

IDF coming in hot

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 day ago

well hmm, This could be interesting

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 20 hours ago

I got "How to remove a urinary catheter" 😱🀣

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 15 hours ago

I guess dying on a roller coaster. Link

[–] [email protected] 3 points 20 hours ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 5 points 22 hours ago

"How to put a collar on a cat" yeah that tracks honestly

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm dying of stupidity, apparently.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 day ago

I think this speaks for itself

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Initiative in D&D 5E

I die in a conflict where I tell a Wizards of the Coast zombie that Paizo and Pathfinder are the best, which, honestly, I should've seen coming.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 20 hours ago

I will also die on the hill of pf >>> 5e.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

They say no. When you continue to insist on getting an account, your dad loses his patience and starts beating you with jumper cables.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Getting punched in the throat while trying to wall thump somebody is peak physical comedy.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

How to Cure Fungus on Aquarium Fish

Am I going to be patient zero for an IRL Last of Us?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 23 hours ago

I die changing a CV axle.

How did they know I own a Subaru?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 21 hours ago

How to get rid of ulcer pain... In this healthcare system, probably

[–] [email protected] 3 points 22 hours ago

Giving a bullshit reason for breaking up with my partner (guess i need to start dating again to fulfill my destiny)

https://www.wikihow.com/Reasons-to-Break-Up

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

How to get prescribed Xanax

Seems legit

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

Phew, good thing I don't own a car and haven't driven for 13 years... Wait maybe this is the year πŸ‘€

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

So there I was Filing Adverse Possession in Texas, when suddenly the fountain pen (an OMAS Limited Edition) slipped and I stabbed myself in an artery, bleeding myself to death

[–] [email protected] 1 points 18 hours ago

How to wash a chest binder.

...I'm not afab???

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

Here, don't stop! It's endless scroll meets wiki: https://wikitok.vercel.app/

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

How to Combine Documents in Microsoft Word

I always suspected

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I'm checking a microwave for leaks, how did the C4 even get in here?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago

I die in a freak hawk training accident.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 21 hours ago

Creating the right character in Skyrim ... given my history of creating immaculate Fallout characters, this seems plausible.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 23 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago

I die cleaning a bicycle chain.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

While searching for a Cherry Grove Blossom Biome in Minecraft?! How do they know that?! (βŠ™_β˜‰)

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

UPDATE REQUIRED PLEASE UPDATE ON GOOGLE PLAY STORE. So I guess I die from updates.

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