Pastacal's wager.
this post was submitted on 12 Jan 2024
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Ramen!
By His noodly appendage.
Shit this applies to all of them, doesn't it?
Which is whyPascal'ss wager is not that nstrong of a position.
Yes. You would have to hedge your bets and believe in every possible god. I wonder however if you could apply customer service techniques to it. The god that complains the most gets the most belief
You’re not wrong lol, the logical extreme of Pascal’s wager leads you to worship the god who has the worst punishment for non-believers, so that you only end up with the second-worst punishment from some other god.
So Christianity then?
Pretty much yes. Maybe that is why it is the historically most violent religion of humanity.
R'amen.
I wont believe in FSM unless he personally appears to me and presents me with a Teapot that can verified scientifically to have been exposed to radiation effects only possible from extended duration in a close Solar orbit.
Stripper poles and beer are undeniable proof of his noodliness. Have faith, and by that I mean believe everything I say without evidence.
I will pray for your disbelief and hope his noodly appendages will one day open your eyes
I ask only that his grace fill my empty cup, fill my mortal soul with his divine marinara sauce, for I am a penitent man wronged, an honorable man falsely besmirched, and a faithful lover of too many a woman later to fall into accursed witchcraft, madness and debauchery.
I ask only for some tangible morsel of proof.
Some... tasty meal, for my impoverished stomach.
PBUH (pasta be upon him)
I don't particrlarly care for spaghetti, so I'm in the Church of Bacon. The CoB not only recognizes FSM, but also his recognizes and respects his existence and his followers.
Down with monotheism.
That's fine, because FSM doesn't even require you to believe or follow their beliefs in order to associate with them.
I love both, so I started the Church of Carbonara. Our church believes it was revealed by God that carbonara made with bacon is not an abomination.
I feel like the Orthodox CFSM and COB members are just going to have a food fight now
A delicious food fight.
I have nothing to gain either.
But to be touched by his noodley appendage
To taste the archon sauce
I prefffer to sacrifice a chicken to Cthulhu each dawn. Seems like the FSM will be far more tolerant if I get it wrong. By that logic, picking the Judeo-Christian god does kind of make sense.
That’s not enough though. You have to chose just right flavor of description of who exactly that god is, what exactly happen in the past, which religious text you have to follow and under which interpretation. Anything else, is blasphemy with the same punishment.
What if belief results in creation? Why would I want to believe in this Lovecraftian noodle-god, when the very act of belief might spawn this horror into our universe? Our only protection is disbelief.
What's to gain?
Being touched by his noodly appendage.
Ramen
And by the power of the sauce, the cheese, and the Holy meatballs.
He who claims His finely powdered Romano cheese smells like feet, may he be stricken.
He who splashes His the holiest of rosé sauce on a white tablecloth, may he be stricken.
He who cuts His holy fettuccine instead of twirling them with a spoon, as the chosen have done, as their forefathers before them, may he be stricken.
R'amen.
The only FSM i know are Finite State Machines
Well, next time somebody invents a god, please make sure it's somebody that will punish you if you believe in any god.
They are 99% there. It punishes for believing any god but one.
*worshipping, technically
Well, technically I should have said “monotheistic religions”.
The Church of the Socially Anxious God who Hates Attention
Thinking about it again, such a church should have skepticism-affirming ceremonies where people repeat that there is no evidence for a god, and have a formal goal of "not appeasing the Socially Anxious God because it doesn't exist".
Sorry I'm keeping up that Faith In "Bob!" That's right, the big F.I.B. He's the saint of sales and one true living slack master after all.
Thankfully my poor impulse control prevents me from living a fraudulent lifetime in exchange for some payoff.
I recently started believing in a man in the sky.