this post was submitted on 17 Dec 2024
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[–] [email protected] 123 points 5 days ago (7 children)

Just remember folks, someone being fat is not a reason to hate them. Theres literally nothing else about him thats a redeeming quality, his being a lardass is the least deplorable thing about him. The fact that he must just shovel empty calories into his maw all day atleast limits the stupid shit coming out of it.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 4 days ago (2 children)

It's not that it's deplorable, it's that it's comical given the context of him making a career being a self-deluded unconvincing badass.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 5 days ago (2 children)

For him it's not the fact that he's fat, but the absolute tragedy of a personality that excuses themselves shoveling food into his gullet. Cause you just know that in his own head he thinks he could still kick anyone's ass.

Most people aren't fat for that reason and being fat isn't a reason to make fun. But Steven Segal's pathology makes him being fat a little funny.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 days ago

Him being fat is the only relatable thing about him.

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[–] [email protected] 170 points 5 days ago (8 children)

My favorite Steven Seagal story, from his Wikipedia page:

Seagal has been accused by former stunt performers who have worked with him, including Kane Hodder, Stephen Quadros, and Gene LeBell, of intentionally hitting stuntmen during scenes. Additionally, while serving as stunt coordinator for Out for Justice, LeBell allegedly got into an on-set altercation with Seagal over his mistreatment of some of the film's stunt performers. After the actor claimed that, due to his aikido training, he was "immune" to being choked unconscious, LeBell offered Seagal the opportunity to prove it. LeBell is said to have placed his arms around Seagal's neck, and once Seagal said "go", proceeded to choke him unconscious, with Seagal losing control of his bowels. Seagal bodyguard and stuntman Steven Lambert stated he was present and said that a confrontation did happen, during which Seagal elbowed LeBell before he could lock the hold on Seagal, after which LeBell flipped Seagal.

[–] [email protected] 76 points 5 days ago (4 children)

A movie producer I worked with in my time in the industry had done a movie with Segal in which Segal was to shoot a gun. Segal said he would only use a very specifically modified AR15. The production purchased the AR with all of the upgrades Segal requested. Segal fired it one time, said it was too loud and had too much kickback and he wanted to use a prop instead.

[–] [email protected] 58 points 5 days ago (34 children)

He said an AR-15 had too much recoil? Is he made of tissue paper, or did they mod it to fire artillery shells? Christ, one of the demos they did for us at our first live fire in basic training was having one of our fellow soldiers hold an M-16 stock UP TO HIS NUTS and fire it downrange to show just how little recoil they had. I'm not kidding, I personally witnessed this. I have also put at least 20,000 rounds through M-16's and AR-15's in my life. They don't kick. Seagal is a pussy.

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Lol imagine thinking that aikido training means your brain doesn't need oxygen.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 5 days ago

Well, I would have guessed that less brain needs less oxygen, but I'm clearly wrong.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I'm just using your story as an excuse to promote Bobby Fingers. Check out a diorama on the confrontation.

https://youtu.be/3aCMTpJx2cs

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 5 days ago (3 children)

It's truly a gem of a story. I can only hope Seagal thinks of it frequently, and has yet to accept himself and heal.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 5 days ago (2 children)

On the other hand, when Seagal was asked about the incident, he directly denied the allegations, calling LeBell a "sick, pathological scumbag liar", and offered the name of a witness who could prove LeBell had fabricated the entire story. The claim garnered a heated response from LeBell's trainee Ronda Rousey, who said that Seagal was the one lying, and declared "If [Seagal] says anything bad about Gene to my face, I'd make him crap his pants a second time."

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 5 days ago

Lost a scuffle to avoid getting choked, gets choked anyway. Shit self in the process. Classic Seagal.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 4 days ago (3 children)

I'd say that chair is Under Seige.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

Lemmying in the bathroom as one does, and you caused me to drop another Seagal by trying to hold my laugh in. I salute you.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

Under Seige? It's practically Marked for Death.

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[–] [email protected] 161 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Good to know that I, too, have the body of an action movie star.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 days ago

"Star," like that chair, is doing a lot of heavy lifting here

[–] [email protected] 42 points 4 days ago

Gravy Seal.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 days ago

that's one sturdy chair. look at the destruction around him. Jesus Christ Almighty, he sat down and did all that?

[–] [email protected] 73 points 5 days ago (1 children)

People these days just don't appreciate a strong and healthy frame when they see one.

You may not like it, but this is what peak male performance looks like.

[–] [email protected] 112 points 5 days ago (1 children)

People these days just don’t appreciate a strong and healthy frame when they see one.

You may not like it, but this is what peak chair performance looks like.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Lmao that chair is hanging on for dear life 😂

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Lemmy: Torn between making fun of Segal for being fat and not being fatphobic. 😂

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 days ago

There's plenty of other things about Seagal to make fun of. Tom Segura has a whole bit about it.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 days ago

It's less that he's fat, but more that he presents himself as some kind of martial arts grandmaster, all around tough guy, deputized law enforcement officer, warmaster because he was in action movies but now he's fat.

[–] [email protected] 60 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (10 children)

This is my sign that I should get on my rowing machine

Update: I did 20 minutes of moderate exercise today!

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 days ago

I'd have an easier time laughing at his sad state if I wasn't already mad that the guy is objectively a traitor and a goon of Vladimir Putin.

[–] [email protected] 56 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I'm surprised the NKs haven't cannibalized him out of desperation yet

[–] [email protected] 28 points 5 days ago (2 children)

They tried, but he Akidoed them all to death by using their own energy against them and eating them first.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago
[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 days ago (4 children)

That looks like a badly AI generated image of Steven Seagal that Steven Seagal would use as his profile picture on social media as a bit.

If he isn't so full of himself.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 days ago (2 children)

As you can see he is certainly full of something

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 days ago

Not acting skill, that's for sure.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Oh wow! Welcome back! I've been wondering where you went!

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 days ago

He's a piece of shit in the inside, too.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 days ago

Oh how the turntables

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

He looks like the guy that only appears in the final picture of a married woman's tinder profile

[–] [email protected] 35 points 5 days ago

He looks like that old fat fuck that washes up at a camping trip who everyone knows and no one wanted them there.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 5 days ago (5 children)
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[–] [email protected] 25 points 5 days ago

The Ruskies are getting him ready for Xmas.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 5 days ago (5 children)

to be morbidly obese at 72 doesnt typically end well.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 5 days ago (1 children)

none of us will end well. 72 is a great run. so many who don't even get that far. nobody gets out of this thing alive.

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