Microblog Memes

"This is how it's always done, sir... on the second Tuesdays of months with an even number of days and for the full duration of Toyotathon. Now don't make me repeat myself: laptop under the bag and over the shoes or we cavity search you."

Random Antiterrorism Measures

The Random Antiterrorism Measure (RAM) program uses random, multiple security measure that change the look of an installation’s force protection program and introduce uncertainty to defeat surveillance attempts and make it difficult for a terrorist to accurately predict security actions.

“A unit could conduct random antiterrorism measures by checking parking lots, conducting bag checks and ID cards in locations where that is not the normal security posture,” said Ann Moree, security manager, DPTMS.

This is basically what's going on. The theory is that by making changes to the process it will be more difficult for someone to plan a way to defeat it (not really true, as several TSA pentests have shown).

There's also this classic quote attributed to a German general during WWII:

War is Chaos, and the reason why the American Army excels at War is because they practice Chaos on a daily basis.

It may look like the front-line guys have no idea what's going on, and that might actually be true. If they have no idea what's going on, neither will anybody observing their activities.

If the rules are the same everywhere, they would do what every other competent place that has procedures that need to be followed does, and post them at the front. The fact that a TSA bitch has to stand there and tell you what to do means they've already failed.

Yes, they are. The rule is: No matter what you do, you’ll be called a dumb bitch.

This rule is universal and the whole point of the TSA.

I use the same laptop bag for several trips a year, so I often don’t clear out all the pockets. The other day I realized I’ve been flying back and forth with a lighter I got from Vegas 2 years ago because it was buried at the bottom of a pocket. As for why the hell I had it in my laptop bag in the first place, I have no idea.

Well, I hope you've learned your lesson

This is due to the scanners.

Newer scanners don’t need electronics out, older ones do.

Unfortunately, they don’t replace them ALL at an airport at the same time, leading to inconsistency…

My current major airport I fly through doesn’t open pre check until 9am, which is a pain, cause I have to print a paper ticket to get my precheck privileges in the normal lines

Which causes chaos cause I don’t have to do things others do

Hi! I used to get to second base with the TSA every time. Apparently the machine has issues with loose fit clothes or even long hair if it's down. Since taking this to heart no one has asked to swipe my ass for bombs.

"Right. Just hold still. I need to check your genitalia for something."

Ah yes, the penis detector.

For this reason, and for sexual assault survivors, and for our dignity, naked photography and pat downs should not exist.

There's a good Philosophy Tube quote for this. (the presenter is a trans woman).

Apparently the operator of the scanner has to choose if you're a man or a woman, so "Either my tits are the bomb or there's an unexpected item in the shagging area"

Last time I flew I wore jeans that fit super well on the way out and kinda loose jeans that I needed a belt to keep up on the return. The loose jeans set off an anomaly in the groin area and both me and the TSA agent shared a collective "I don't want to be doing this right now but this is what we have to do"

Anyways my point is, I think it comes down to the fit of your clothing, if it's more form fitting it's less likely to be detected as an anomaly. But also the machine is sensitive enough to detect when I've forgotten a receipt in my back pocket and will yell about a tiny scrap of thermal paper so I suppose it would detect any anomalies in one's body

At some airports it varies by which line you're in and they yell conflicting instructions within earshot of all of the lines.

Yup, flew international out of JFK in march of this year. The whole line, signs say “remove jackets, remove shoes, remove electronics from your bags”. While moving through the line, start to get everything out to be more efficient. Close to the end, I get diverted to another line with a much bigger scanner and the guy yells at me PUT YOUR ELECTRONICS BACK IN YOUR BACKPACK. LEAVE YOUR SHOES AND BELT ON.

Like duh, I would have not gotten everything ready if there weren’t 20 signs telling me to do so.

Flew again out of JFK internationally 3 days ago, same thing, tons of signs saying to do the same thing. This time, I’m not taking out shit, idk what they’re going to say. Sure enough, get to the actual scanner and this time I do have to take out all my electronics, shoes off, etc in the sheep herding line which would have been way faster if I had done it in line.

I travel for work and it's absolutely not the TSA playing the long game to keep us on our toes, it's absolute lack of standards gear and incompetence.

Since its all make believe anyway and they have never stopped a single terrorist they may as well make it convenient for everyone else by making it standard.

I got through Des Moines with a laptop in my carry-on no problem, but I got blue glove frisked in front of everyone because my bra had too many straps on the back.

Just reply 'yes'.

Typical rookie mistake. What if you hyper-proteinate while inflight and then became too strong to control, like a protein hulk?