this post was submitted on 09 Dec 2024
428 points (97.8% liked)

Not The Onion

12541 readers
599 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

From Florida, of course 😄

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 99 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (6 children)

There's even more to the story, every step even more absurd than the other:

US woman caught with golden gun in luggage at Sydney airport jailed for a year
US woman backflips in court, pleads guilty to smuggling 24-carat gold gun into Sydney

A review of Goodson’s phone revealed she had searched online “can I have a gun in my suitcase?” and set a calendar entry with a note reminding her to “put gun in suitcase”.

“What about the gun in your bag?” she was asked by a customs officer. Goodson replied: “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.”

"I am scared of shooting it... I would probably just pistol whip until I got training again," she said.

The court also heard that she previously owned two other guns while living in the States, but she had accidentally given them away. "Those guns I ended up giving away, because I accidentally left them in a donation box."

[–] [email protected] 95 points 1 week ago

Clown school principal: “I’m sorry ma’am, we have nothing to teach you.”

[–] [email protected] 42 points 1 week ago (1 children)

US woman backflips in court

I'm gonna need a courtroom sketch of that

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 week ago

You’re welcome.

image

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago

The stupid of this chick really manages to one-up itself with each sentence, huh?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago

Holy fuck 💀

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 80 points 1 week ago
[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 week ago (5 children)

as someone who went to clown school, I can't say that everyone there was very smart.

they had to have an intervention with the year below me because they all stopped eating solid food to do a fad diet with some kind of herbal tea.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I want to lie down on a rug in front of the fireplace and listen to your clown school tales, while you sit in a rocking chair and knit

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Wouldn’t tying balloon animals be more appropriate than knitting?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

Too squeaky

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago

Just putting it out there - this is one of those situations where a story about the inner drama of clown school (with pictures if possible) could elevate you to an internet legend. I personally had no idea it was a multi-year process.

Joel McHale might play you in the movie adaptation. This lady could make a cameo once she’s out of prison and deported back to the US. Maybe don’t startle her on set, though.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I bet you could do a really interesting AMA based on that experience

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

Dude, you're only making us more anxious for the storytelling hour

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Another vote for Clown School AMA. I used to know a couple jugglers, they had friends who were street performers and professional clowns, always very interesting.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 week ago (2 children)

That is how you show up to clown school.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Her lawyer said she packed the pistol because she was high and paranoid from synthetic marijuana, which she uses to cope with trauma

She shouldn't be allowed to own a gun in the first place.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (8 children)

Because she does drugs? By that standard no one should own a gun.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

because she's self medicating for trauma and it's making her paranoid. this is clearly not a very stable person. in fact, believing the first thing you read on Google about how to use guns is another pretty good sign that that aren't going to use it safely.

there's better and worse ways to use drugs. self medicating to escape something is generally the worst way to use them. like, i get it. I've been there. it's how i went from casual user with company to unstable addict. I eventually recognized that and have gotten clean. the reason we need a doctor to help us with dosages to relieve symptoms without losing ourselves is because drugs make us feel good in general. it's basically impossible to look at yourself and know when it's too much or inappropriate usage.

all that said, i get it. when you can't afford a doctor to do that for you sometimes you just need to kill whatever feeling is inside of you. sometimes you need to run away to survive. just don't buy a firearm while you do that...

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)

People who currently use drugs illegally are also forbidden from having guns in the USA. Hunter Biden was convicted of the related offense of lying about it on the background check form.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (6 replies)
[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 week ago

No brain cells were harmed, or even used in any way during that particular interaction .. I suppose they also eat rocks or inject bleach?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Google "Here are 5 million results that say you can't bring a gun in your suitcase, and ONE that says you can"

Clown selecting the ONE result "I KNEW IT"

Google "Just because I have it doesn't make it true!!"

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago

Google does tend to find what it thinks you want. She probably entered something analogous to "ok to have gun in Australia"

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago

This wins the most ridiculous thing I’ve read on the internet this year. And it’s December.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago (2 children)

A Florida woman that wanted to attend clown school, that explains everything.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

That's like a fish that wants to attend swimming lessons

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

she was just trying to learn how to fit in in Florida better

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

her lawyer argued she should not have to serve prison time because her "creative side is coming back out now," adding that she volunteers at a local art center and is working on an album.

I don't think being an artist's with an album in works is a great defence.

If it works, then I'll be constantly working on my next album.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

At last-- The world so badly needs the skills and professionalism that a "clown school" will bring. We can populate the next generation of politicans, CEOs, and journalists from this clown school.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

We can populate the next generation of politicans, CEOs, and journalists from this clown school.

I thought we already did? Where else would they be finding Republican politicians and opinion columnists?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I... can fix her...

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago

This woman is going to be very successful in her future career

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

Not makeup but permanent ink....

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (2 children)

“Clown” is a noun or adjective?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

In the phrase "clown school," "clown" is an attributive noun, also sometimes called an adjectival noun. It is a noun that is used as an adjective in order to modify another noun. Clown school is a school where you learn how to be a clown.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

I.. I think I'm in love with her

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (4 children)

You know the headline is packed when there's a literal golden gun and not a single N64 Goldeneye reference.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Why is synthetic Marijuana a thing?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

people testing the boundaries of THC prohibition?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Jesus mother of fuck

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Wanna know how I got these scars? Student debt a s 5 years of the gig economy.

load more comments
view more: next ›