this post was submitted on 24 Dec 2023
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[–] [email protected] 56 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

People who are bored all the time could be depressed. Depression being stigmatized, people won't necessarily want to talk about it more directly, or "bother" other people with it. It could also just be expressing a desire to do something without knowing what.

The people basically encouraging chores (wtf?) or implying they're a manipulative emotional vampire should consider being a little less judgmental.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 9 months ago (3 children)

You don't. Boredom is a gift. It drives people to be creative and improve themselves.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

I've used Dota 2 as a crutch for years, stopping it every now and then when I felt it was interfering with my personal development or school work.

I'm a moment of stoppage now...and man, having the time to write (I like to write), or play with AI stuff or clean my home or pack (we're moving soon) is really nice. I don't have that intense inner pressure that comes with winning or losing an online multiplayer game, which just opens up so much space for everything else.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

Or it could turn you into a huge stoner like it did to me for like a decade. I'm from a suburban area, but there isn't much to do around here other than drink, farm and hunt. Drinking gets old quickly and I don't farm or hunt. Also the weather limited my choice of activities for a good 5 months out of the year.

I just moved down to South Florida where I just want to be active because the weather is nice (at least for now, ask me again in about 4 months) and everyone looks good, so if I'm not laying out by the pool or working out (for "free" at the building's gym) I'm usually doing something else, rather than sitting inside smoking out of boredom.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

Boredom is a gift that gives people energy.

Where they spend that energy is entirely up to their circumstances. Do they binge watch an entire series of the simpsons? Or do they take up painting.

It can lead to wonderful things, but equally it can be squandered.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 9 months ago (1 children)

You don't. Unless your job is to entertain this person otherwise it's his/hers problem. If by any chance this this person is putting the responsibility of his/hers emotional state on your shoulders and asking you to do something, it's not ok and is an attempt of manipulation.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Or a cry for help because the person only knows this way to ask for that kind of help.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

A continuous boredom is actually more like a feeling of emptynes and a lack of energy to engage. You cannot help someone fill the emotional emptiness they are feeling, you don't even know the cause. And it leads only to codependency.

Even if it's a cry for help you can show them your perspective but it's their job to heal and get out of the "pit" they are into.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 9 months ago (1 children)

This is fairly common in both depression and ADHD, so maybe check on them? Like, make sure they are personally okay. Someone who needs to be consistently stimulated is probably uncomfortable at rest. Being bored all the time is something I struggle with personally. I have ADHD and depression and trauma. Addressing and working on those things helps immensely with the chronic boredom. When I'm more depressed or anxious, I'm more easily bored and crave more stimulation. So, yeah, play Ted Lasso and check in on them.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

They say they have no interest in doing anything and are sad.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Yeah that sounds like some kind of depression. If it isn't medical cause try to get them socializing and into creative or explorative hobbies. If it's medical just be there and encourage them to seek treatment

[–] [email protected] 0 points 8 months ago

Bet if you got them a living wage and affordable health care they'd be a lot better.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago

There is two things to do

  1. find something they enjoy and ask if they want to do it

  2. realize they were never gonna do #1 no matter how interesting it might be. And now you know why they're always bored

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago

A couple things struck me here, and idk if they're relevant or not. If it was just an occasional "I'm bored", that's one thing. But with always being bored, you start getting into a paraphrased, "Why don't you entertain me?" And (unless this is a toddler and you're their parent or babysitter) that's not your responsibility.

The second thing is, you (and whoever else is entertaining them) aren't going to be around constantly, nor are you going to be around forever. They will always be bored unless they learn how to entertain themselves, to seek out something that they find interesting or worthwhile or somehow meaningful.

Moving into speculation here, but I would suspect they'd like more connections in their life, so I'd start encouraging them with that. If they're the type to connect with nature, maybe walks are a good idea, or even if you live in an area where nature is scarce, giving them plants may help. That could be something they nurture from a seed, or a food they can grow, or pretty flowers.

If they connect with animals, then volunteering at a shelter, or getting a job as a dog walker, etc, that may help ground them. If they connect with people, then volunteering is a good way to meet people. Volunteering doesn't have to be at a shelter or food pantry; in my town you can volunteer with the fire department, schools, local parks, etc. If they crave intellectual stimulation, then encourage them to learn by taking online classes, or to simulate their imagination by reading, preferably physical books.

Anyway, that's my .02, fwiw. Again, it's not your job to entertain them, and they're always going to be bored until they learn how to entertain themselves.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Hand them a book. If they don't start reading, take the book and smack them with it, then hand it back. Very important to never say a word. Just stare seriously, directly into their eyes.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I'm 100% trying this on my 9-year-old next time he tells me he's bored. It'll be a gentle smack, of course...

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I suggest Redwall. It’s short, it’s awesome. If it’s not a hard cover copy it shouldn’t hurt too much.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

My experience with those was that they proved formulaic and repetitive after a time, but the first few were good. They did have problems with shallow characterisations, though, at least to me.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

You smack according to the thickness of the skull.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Harvey Danger told me that if you're bored then you're boring. So you need to tell them to go do something instead of complain about it. Some people need to be pushed out of their comfort zone to snap out of boredom

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

The agony and irony is killing me

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

Expose them to a range of hobbies.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Ask if they want to snuggle? At least now you have something to talk about.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Typically, people aren't always bored, because otherwise, you are basically emotionally flat and depressed and soon will be suicidal. Have you seen kids that say they are bored? It just means they are not doing anything that interest them.

To get "unbored", you most likely need to be doing something that is fun, and/or meaningful, and/or enjoyable, and/or worthy, and/or essential to survival (in a way, people who are bored may be having it too easy). It may be better to be doing something productive, personally or socially, than doing something just addictive.

Even being still meditating is doing something (like actively paying attention to the breath).

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

I don't get how anyone can be bored nowadays.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

My mom always said, "if you kids don't have anything you want to do, I have plenty of things I want you to do." So give them some chores. If they're gonna be unhappy they can at least be accomplishing something that needs doing. If they hate it enough, they will suddenly think of something they'd rather do, and will enjoy it more because of the alternative. If they stop bringing this problem to you, so much the better.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (2 children)

This is very bad advice from your mom. All it will accomplish is kids stopping to say they are bored to their parents, since they get punished for it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Getting kids to stop complaining about being bored sounds pretty great!

[–] [email protected] 0 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Sounds like a success than.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Having your kids disconnect from you as a safety net, confidant and role model is a huge failure as a parent.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

It's good to be bored, so they can think over things like bad life decissoons, why they are bored and why they think somebody else needs to entertain them instead of fjndjng something to do. (Or why they should do anything anyway)

There's nothing wrong with doing nothing for a while.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

Give them something creative to do. Boredom is the mother of creativity.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

Give them a project to complete.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

I’ll second the idea that boredom isn’t always bad, and that it can often lead to new ideas and experiences. But if you really feel the need to do something for the person, try gifting experiences like food tours, trial hobbies or sports (curling, photography, etc).

[–] [email protected] 0 points 8 months ago

The comments here, including mine, most likely won't help you to find a solution for that boredom. 'Bored' is a vague term. There can be endless ways why and especially how drastic somebody is always bored. Whether that somebody is you, somebody who asked you for help or somebody who you think needs help, you know them better than anyone here.