this post was submitted on 24 Nov 2024
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[–] [email protected] 172 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

Strong people build others up. Weak people knock them down to feel big. You want to feel like a strong man? Protect others and be generous with your spirit.

[–] [email protected] 73 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

You want to feel like a strong man? Protect others and be generous with your spirit.

Fucking this. Strong men—strong peoplehelp others. Healthy or not, realistic or not, this is the message that’s been sold to us since time immemorial. The knight that slays the dragon and saves the kingdom. The alien that crash lands and moonlights as a superhero. The sled dog runs 261 miles to bring the medicine to a town beset by an epidemic.

Yes, sure, one can argue some romanticism (or propaganda) with any given example. But the overall message of heroism, of strength, is not one of selfishness or of “me and mine”.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

Heroism is something we ought to focus more on as a culture in general. Doing things simply because they are right and protecting others who cannot protect themselves cannot be understated.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 weeks ago

I think a challenge with “right” is that it is subjective. For example, there are people today who believe that doing what’s “right” entails doing things that hurt people, or deprive them of happiness, or even a future. Or, that doing what’s “right” means only helping your family or your friends or your church or your Elks club.

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Semi-related, as this reminded me of a quote from Cary Grant:

I pretended to be somebody I wanted to be and I finally became that person. Or he became me.

This was then repurposed on Star Trek Strange New Worlds by chief engineer Pelia (from a species that lives several centuries):

Most heroes I've seen... are just pretending half the time. There's this one guy I remember, he said to me, 'I always pretended to be someone I wanted to be, until finally, I became that someone, or he became me.'

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[–] [email protected] 148 points 4 weeks ago (5 children)

How to really feel like a man

  1. Ignore gender wars bait, there are way more important things out there.
  2. See step 1
[–] [email protected] 56 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

Yeah, first time hearing "a man wants to feel like a man"

My first interpretation was a bunch of guys fighting with sticks and everyone having a blast

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[–] [email protected] 59 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

A patient I dealt with had schizophrenia and dementia, "but I'm a man, not a little girl with panties" was his counterargument to everything.

You can only have one cigarette at a time because otherwise you lose them all and run out. "But I'm a man."

You know the doctor says your food needs to be cut up. "Do I look like a little girl to you?"

That's the communal cheese bowl, this is your plate. You can't eat from the communal cheese bowl with a fork. "Do you see me wearing panties?"

Whenever I hear people making these kind of gender essentialist arguments, they just sound pitiably out of touch with reality to me.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (3 children)

If Men want to feel like Men then they have ways to deal with their insecurity:

Redo their own plumbing, twice. Once to change things and again to fix the problem they caused.

Chop firewood.

Build a furnace that you're only going to use like 4 times, ever.

50 pushups. If not reaching it makes you sad, start skipping numbers.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

Redo their own plumbing, twice. Once to change things and again to fix the problem they caused.

I'm in this comment and I don't like it.

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 weeks ago (5 children)

With the plumbing example, the first time was a training exercise and doesn't count.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

If not reaching it makes you sad, ~~start skipping numbers~~ forgive yourself and repeat tomorrow. You'll feel awesome when you get there.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 weeks ago

NO. THATS NOT MANLY ENOUGH. REAL MEN GIVE THEMSELVES THE AUTHORITY TO SKIP NUMBERS.

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[–] [email protected] 45 points 4 weeks ago (25 children)

Just change King to also say man.

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 4 weeks ago (13 children)

I'm stumped at the simple task of trying to imagine what does imply to "feel like a man".

[–] [email protected] 36 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

You listen to Shania Twain’s hit Man! I Feel Like A Woman backwards

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

100% guy here, real man feel is when others can rely on me, when I can help, that kind of stuff. Not “big car hurr durr bbq male superyorr” and the likes.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

A lot of it is centered around achievement and feeling useful, so building or fixing something, physical activity, being seen as a provider etc.

It's why men with families etc take being made redundant quite badly, not being able to provide for your family can really make you feel like a failure.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

That's also because we teach people that romantic relationships cannot be friendships. If your partner is your best friend then you aren't redundant, you're a power team.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 weeks ago (23 children)

I’m stumped at the simple task of trying to imagine what does imply to “feel like a man”.

I feel like a man when I know I've met all of my responsibilities to myself and the ones I care about, and that I've moved the world even an infinitesimally small way forward to help the others in it. This means lending a hand or an ear to those that need it either with my labor or my mind (or many time both).

I hope others have something close to this definition, but realistically I don't think its common.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

When you take your shirt off, you lift something real heavy, open a beer without a bottlecap opener, and high five somebody and it hurts then you should be activating all the correct masculine endorphin triggers. A lot of it comes as a response from high testosterone hormone levels.

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 3 weeks ago (11 children)

Just waiting for the day when someone can explain to me what makes a man a man without describing skills, qualities, and actions that anyone can do regardless of gender.

And don't tell me it's "have a penis", because if that were true then effeminate men wouldn't be insulted all the time for not being "real" men, and there wouldn't be toxic masculinity.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I’ve always thought the least manly quality you can have is caring about how manly you are.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

From somebody named "geekandmisandry".

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

When first reading "a man likes to feel like a man", i thought it was about trans men

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

That's the perfect answer, IMHO.

More in general, it's not up to others to change the way they act to feed somebody else's self-delusions of having some kind of quality they do not have.

I've actually had to deal with something somewhat parallel to this when I moved from The Netherlands (whose people are known for being blunt) to Britain (were everything is sugarcoated and people are evasive, the higher the social class the worst it gets) and then proceeded to go around unknowingly insulting just about every insecure person I met in that place by giving them my blunt opinion on what they cared about, without evasiveness or sugarcoating.

The balance I found was to stop giving my opinion unless asked and if asked by somebody who didn't know my ways yet, give them a notice ("I used to live in The Netherlands so just point out ways in which things can be improved, but that doesn't mean I think they're bad") and then proceed to give them my blunt opinion.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 weeks ago (9 children)

I have to feel that "a woman needs to feel like a woman" wouldn't get a similar reaction.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

It sounds like something terfs would say to explain why being a tradwife is good and desirable.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 weeks ago

That sort of could be interpreted as "a woman needs to know her place".

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 weeks ago (6 children)

Just don't cast shit on a man that's had enough of it from his work or society. Sometimes we just want to feel human.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

I thought "feeling like a man" meant eating a lot of meat and losing money on sports betting.

Idk I don't do traditional man things.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

A man likes to feel ~~like~~ a man

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

~~I need to feel like a man.~~ I need someone to hold me tight for a moment.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 weeks ago

I need to feel ~~like~~ a man

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Is this a real thing? I don't believe I've ever encountered this. I suspect they're actually being demeaning to men in general, or men who don't fit their idea of masculinity. I've encountered people like that. Though the opposite is more common (men, and women, demeaning women who don't fit their idea of what a woman should be like, or just demeaning women in general).

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Did the first person just translate "like a man" as "superior to you"? They done failed their own little word game.

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