My client has plead Oopsie Daisy, Your Honor. Case Dismissed (drops mic)
this post was submitted on 29 Aug 2023
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If this happens they'll do the "A person who swears to tell the truth and nothing but the truth says what" ordeal. If that doesn't work they will just let you leave
JUDGES HATE THIS ONE TRICK!
Trump: "Yes."
Normal brain World: "Liar!"
Trump: "No"
GOP brain world: "In my experience, no means yes..."
Judge: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Me: Fuck. Here, I swore.
Also contempt of court. Do not pass go.
In America, the disobedient prole gets tossed in the slammer and forced to do hard labor.
I once crossed off something I didn't like on a contract and the boss scolded me and put a fresh new one in front of me while printing out yet another one.
All contracts are negotiable, you did nothing wrong other than not having a conversation before wasting paper, the main issue is that for most people the negotiation is "if you want to work here you have to agree to all this."
But yeah reasonable accommodation and mutual understandings, etc, should be written down and signed. I challenged the non-disclosure agreement at my job once because it literally said I couldn't talk about my work with ANYONE, and a plain reading of it would mean I'd be unable to even talk to my boss about what I was supposed to be doing. It was poorly written and probably unenforceable. My boss didn't like that so I signed it anyway and then focused on finding work elsewhere (he was a dick and his company got raided by the FBI a few years later)
Thank you, this is valuable insight.
Ok, serious question: what is the course here? Can you be forced to swear?
Generally speaking, you will be asked to swear or affirm that you are going to tell the truth, and that you understand the consequences of not telling the truth. Whether you do a whole ceremony about it or not, it doesn't really matter -- but the court will want to know that you are competent to testify truthfully and that you know that you're not allowed to testify to things you know aren't true.
If you're asking "can you be forced to testify?", the answer is "Yes but it depends." If you're competent to testify and the officers of the court deem your testimony important, they can subpoena your testimony. If you have a reason to contest it, you can -- but "I don't want to" isn't good enough.
You don't get to testify, I assume.
But what if you don't want to testify in the first place?
In Germany you're forced to testify anyways.
Just curious but how could you be forced to testify?
Do you mean you are forced to come to the stand and in court ?
Its illegal to not tell everything you know in court. If you say nothing, you might get sued. And if you say you don't know anything, you're fucked when another witness says you knew it.
There are only three exceptions:
- You might get yourself in trouble, in that case you don't have to answer the question
- It's a case against a family member in which case you also don't have to testify.
- It would go against your professional secrecy
But you have to testify against a friend.
I just looked it up and it's exactly the same in the US. So you also can be force to testify in Murica
You don't have to testify against your fianceé. So if you engage with your friend right before the court you don't have to testify. You can break up right after. Happens a lot apparently
~~Nah. You have to testify against your fiancé. You just don't have to testify against your wife. So you need to marry.~~
Edit: Nvm, but you can't break up directly after that.
I'm not sure as I'm not a legal expert. I can say that if they know that you're not going to be honest, there's no reason for your testimony.
They can put charges on you for lying in court as a witness. You can get 6 months to 15 years in prison if you lie under outh.
And if you don't want to say anything as a witness, you also get detention for up to 6 months. Oh. And they have to pay for it.
Thats what I figured out after a quick Google search at least
In most cases they lie and say: "I really would want to testify, but I can't really remember anymore." and it's pretty hard to prove that their memory isn't shit.
"Anything you say can be used against you in court."
"Titties."
"..."
Held against you. It works much better with the proper wording.