this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
358 points (98.9% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

27169 readers
4159 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 29 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 49 points 3 months ago (5 children)

3 issues

  1. Not standing
  2. There are 5 of them
  3. Which Jesus?
[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 months ago (4 children)

#3 is clear. When Jesus enters the room, you get the fuck up.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 months ago

That was a very unexpected and wild ride through Wikipedia.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

When Jesus enters the room, you get the fuck up.

The same holds true for Martin Sheen:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKhTFDBj-rw

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

When the president stands, nobody sits

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Later that morning, Puke noticed that Allin still lay motionless in the same place where he had left him and posed for Polaroids with the corpse before calling for an ambulance.

Jesus Christ!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

dir: Andrew Adamson

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

Maybe the fifth one is Jesus?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

Plot twist: the guy in the middle is jesus.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

This reminds me of a joke:

Why didn't Jesus play basketball? Because soccer is a much more popular sport in Mexico.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

Not only does Jesus play basketball, he's a super dick about it:

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I think that's somewhere in Luke.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Plot twist: That’s not all that’s in Luke.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I don't know about Luke, but this is in Matthew (15:11)-

What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.

So swallow, don't spit.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

What about what goes into, out of, and back into their mouth in rapid succession?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

He didn't make a judgment there apparently.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago

The guy in the middle can't tie his tie correctly. You don't leave it hanging on the side like that. I don't trust guys like that.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago (2 children)

They say that they will stand for Jesus, not that they're currently standing for Jesus.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

It's always what they will do tomorrow and never what can be done today, amiright?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I got all the way down on my one knee and nothing short of the second coming is gonna move me from this spot

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Don't think you can swallow the first coming in time?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Ok I think I've got it.

Jesus is like Voltron, the 3 dudes in the middle combine to form him.
And the 2 on the ends are the spiritual equivalent of two men each, which is why all the parts of Jesus are hanging out with them.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Of shit what if it's like Captain planet, and if they all stand up at the same time it'll summon Jesus?
They're not allowed standing because they don't want to trigger the rapture!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

There is a lot of moustache going on there.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Is this a proto-Piper Perri meme?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

They're waiting for Jesus' second coming

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

Two grinners, three sinners. Nothing odd there at all