this post was submitted on 26 Nov 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] [email protected] 149 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I like how the response emojis say "No" and "I came"

[–] [email protected] 62 points 11 months ago

the "1984" got me good. XD

[–] [email protected] 80 points 11 months ago (7 children)

“I would argue that masturbation is the human animal's most important adaptation. The very cornerstone of our technological civilization. Our hands evolved to grip tools, all right—including our own. You see, thinkers, inventors, and scientists are usually geeks, and geeks have a harder time getting laid than anyone. Without the built-in sexual release valve provided by masturbation, it's doubtful that early humans would have ever mastered the secrets of fire or discovered the wheel. And you can bet that Galileo, Newton, and Einstein never would have made their discoveries if they hadn't first been able to clear their heads by slapping the salami (or "knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom"). The same goes for Marie Curie. Before she discovered radium, you can be certain she first discovered the little man in the canoe.” - Ernest Cline

[–] [email protected] 20 points 11 months ago (2 children)

If this isn't a joke (which i think it is), you have a very skewed sense of scientists. If it is a joke, then carry on my dude.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

Masturbation is an innovator. So many inventions go back to "because porn". Take current AI development for example, there's a massive drive because porn and porn has only one job.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 11 months ago

"The little man in the canoe" might be the best one I've heard yet

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago

God, I fucking hate Ernest Cline.

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[–] [email protected] 74 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Ridiculous! We should protest this by making Lemmy posts for announcing masturbations

[–] [email protected] 44 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Yes annocement #1: im now mastrobating

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

omg, pls! why??? im in bed trying to get sleepy so i can go to work with decent rest tomorrow, but instead, im in bed lmao because you guys want to start a ridiculous movement 😆

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

I was on the nyc subway when this happened. I was chilling browsing the Web when one my homies hit me up on discord and sent me a gif of a big musslely black man doing the thugshaker I then began to start furiously mastrobating to the picture of the big mussley blackman doing the thugshaker people started looking at me and saying things such as omg and stop it I then in a haste dropped my phone and one by one all the other men in the train started to furiously mastrobate too. My peenis was but a little stub at this point.by the end the entire train was filled with mastrobating men all hovered over one phone playing a gif of a man doing the thugshaker. Be warned @I'm back on my bs you may suffer the same fate to if your not careful

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[–] [email protected] 67 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, it's discord, not fucking 4chan. Have a little decorum, ya reprobate.

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[–] [email protected] 59 points 11 months ago (1 children)

But its still ok to announce when you have just returned from masturbating, right?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Just please wash your hands first.

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[–] [email protected] 52 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Definitely don't have a text channel for announcing jerkin it

[–] [email protected] 33 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)
[–] [email protected] 44 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago

The only correct way to announce masturbation.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Now if it was mostly female strangers it would be at least understandable.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 11 months ago

Yeah, that was a weird way to put that. Clearly nobody in that group has social skills.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 11 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)
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[–] [email protected] 25 points 11 months ago

Please redirect all such messages to the masturbation announcement channel.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 11 months ago (2 children)

My brother is autistic and this is the type of autistic person who is hated by other autistic people. This is why autistic people hate mentioning it, because they get lumped in with these people.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Pardon me, but what the hell are you going on about?

[–] [email protected] 30 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Could it be that you are commenting under the wrong Post?

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Wait, this is getting even more interesting. Who is the kind of autistic person that is hated by other autistic people: (a) people that try to be nice about enforcing a no masterbation announcement rule or (b) people that announce they are going to go masterbate? Also, does your brother fall under a, b, or something else?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago (2 children)

It's almost definitely B. Most people on the spectrum would not say "im gonna go masturbate" and those who are would use autism as an excuse for why they behave that way, which is just not valid. Autism can make it harder to behave in a way that is socially acceptable, but not like this, hence why others on the spectrum dont like people like this. They use autism as a sort of sheild to allow them to behave in ways that are just not right. The best example of this i can think of off hand is Chris-Chan, but they are an extreme case of this. Anyways, people like this make it harder to be upfront on the fact that you are on the spectrum, because the first thing that comes to mind will be people like that.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

Elon Musk claims to be autistic and he uses it as a shield.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Autistic people who announce when they're going to masturbate make all other autistic people cringe for being so incredibly unaware and making the rest of them look weird.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

I don't think anyone was assuming these people were autistic. It's possible you have a skewed view because you are around an autistic person more that most people.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Hey everyone, I'm going to choke my snake!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

it's been three hours, did everything work out

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago

Discord statuses after this announcement be like:

[–] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago (2 children)

That discord’s users must have dedication to make these emotion reactions happen.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago (2 children)

You clearly haven't seen the uk embassy discord

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago

Sounds like a server full of master baiters.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago

Go away, baitn

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago (8 children)

as if discord is where weird chat was invented. what's that, me, oh i'm not familiar at all with the ancient chats!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

Okay, what about jousting? Hear me out okay!? Isn't that how the large hardon collider works?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Seems those people are under appreciated there, they should cum here!

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