Mostly separating them in smaller tasks that I can see as making progress.
That's the only thing that helps me with them
this post was submitted on 31 Aug 2024
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I seem to like tasks to be finished, because if a task is finished, then I don't have to do it. Once I start doing something, I find myself motivated enough to get to the end of it and put it behind me.
It's the starting a task part that I have trouble with. Sometimes I'm able to start something by brute force of will, and just doing "the very first thing" without thinking about anything that comes after. "I'm just going to do the thing that starts this task," and once I'm in the task, it's not nearly as hard for me to work through all its steps and make it finished, and by extension, gone.
Once I start doing something, I find myself motivated enough to get to the end of it and put it behind me.
It's the starting a task part that I have trouble with.
I have so much trouble starting that if I do get rolling, I have to finish. Otherwise, I may not start again for a good long while, if ever. Which of course adds to the stress.
On the other end of that, I find very little satisfaction in "finishing" anything. The specter of the other things yet undone is always right there, ready to pounce the moment I try to rest.
It's an exhausting dance.
I've had some success in also reminding myself that it's okay for me to feel good about accomplishing even a simple thing. Did my wife have to remind me several times to submit my expenses to work before I finally did it? Yes. Did I do it? Also yes.
This can be dangerous, but sometimes I will force myself to stop short of reaching a good stopping point. Like, say you have to put up panelling, and 5 sections will cover a wall. Put up 4 panels and stop for the day. That 5th panel not being in place will drive you mad until you dive back into the project.
This will sometimes backfire, and I do have years-old half-finished projects that I've wandered away from
This will sometimes backfire, and I do have years-old half-finished projects that I've wandered away from
Hard relate. I started refurbing my bath fixtures two months ago. Weather sealing aging siding, 7 months ago. Replacing gutter guards, a year ago. Refinishing closets, 5 years ago.
I'm a mess.
🫂 Not a mess, you just operate differently to how you'd rather. Brains are wildly variable and affected by the strangest stuff. A trick that might work under certain conditions might not with others. Juggling moods, free time, seasonality & weather, finance ("can I afford to do this project right now") and all that other garbage is a whole task in itself.
That's when it might help to fall back on compartmentalising the task as others suggested: what is the next single step to refinishing the closets? Sanding the walls? Okay today I will sand one wall and then stop. Done. Feel like tackling a second wall after? Let yourself do that. If not, you are one step closer. Not up to even that single wall? Do future-you a favour and get your equipment staged to do that wall.
Small progress is still progress.
Oh, trust me. I am a mess lol. There's much more to the full picture, which has been compounding for longer than I care to admit. Finance is definitely a huge part of it (and often throws a huge wrench into the order of operations). Being unmedicated for most of my life didn't help either.
The sanding bit is actually a perfect example. I could theoretically do one wall then stop. But after that wall, I'll be a sweaty, dusty mess. Showering is a necessity (and also a huge executive dysfunction/OCD/dissociation trigger). So if I'm already dirty, it only makes sense to continue. This turns every potential starting point into [Overwhelming Task], topped off by The Shower Process. And then other things pop up, some of which are easier, some of which take immediate priority, etc. And things just pile up on one another. So in order to get to a closet today, I'd have to empty a room to get to the closet (because the basement is still empty from water getting in during a winter storm and 8 months later is still not fully resolved), empty the closet, rig some plastic or something to try and minimize the dust, sand, clean. And even though the path to the closet is clear, somewhere else is now overpiled with stuff, and will stay that way until I can paint, and then seal the floor. Repeat 4 more times.
So, stuff just sits while I struggle to tread water. I'm tired, yo.
Oh that's just awful. So any time you need to do Big Project, each smaller step is in itself Big Project and subdividing is off the table.
It also sounds like you're tackling everything without help. If you can stand it, would organising a group task force help? My partner (not me - I can't do people very well) got together with some of her more reliable friends and they will plan every other weekend to all descend upon one of their homes and spend about 4 hours doing What Needs To Be Done. It turns the activity into more of a social gathering, and they actually get things done.
Not sure if that would help with some of what you're dealing with. Also, I'm definitely not a professional so I can't really help, just try to throw suggestions into the ether in the hope that they might improve someone's situation a little.
So any time you need to do Big Project, each smaller step is in itself Big Project and subdividing is off the table.
Got it in one. Hat's off - just about every mental health professional I've talked to has had trouble with this part.
It also sounds like you're tackling everything without help. If you can stand it, would organising a group task force help? My partner (not me - I can't do people very well) got together with some of her more reliable friends and they will plan every other weekend to all descend upon one of their homes and spend about 4 hours doing What Needs To Be Done. It turns the activity into more of a social gathering, and they actually get things done.
Correct on the mostly alone thing. My spouse and I are very similar when it comes to executive dysfunction (which is as mutually frustrating as it sounds) and she is nowhere near handy. It's all me when it comes to maintenance/repairs.
Pretty much all of our close friends have their hands full with their own lives/kids/crises. What's worse, I've had people promise to help and then ghost me. And every contractor I've hired has done a half-assed job at best. Most have been straight up incompetent. It makes me (further) question my decision making skills.
But on the bright side, one friend's crisis landed him on leave for a bit. (He very much needed the break.) He put out a general offer to help because he has time and knows I'm struggling, so I took him up on it. Hopefully between the two of us we can figure out how to replace the rest of the gutter guards this week.
Professional or not, I appreciate the feedback and empathy. Thanks, kind internet stranger. 🫡
I am so happy to hear you have a friend who is willing and able to help you out! My partner and I have good days and bad days. She's usually more motivated, but I tend to be handier (when I can focus). I lucked out there I think.
Wouldn't it be great if we could get some mental health professionals who actually trust that someone is accurately describing what they're dealing with and how? Like - you can throw neurotypical-friendly solutions at me all day but there just might be a reason they won't work the same as they have for someone else.
Take care of you! Here's hoping for an uptick in The Good Days soon!
I am so happy to hear you have a friend who is willing and able to help you out!
Aaaand he cancelled. ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ As I said, everyone I know is going through some shit. I'm a bit disappointed but not mad. Or even surprised.
Wouldn't it be great if we could get some mental health professionals who actually trust that someone is accurately describing what they're dealing with and how? Like - you can throw neurotypical-friendly solutions at me all day but there just might be a reason they won't work the same as they have for someone else.
Some people are just in it for the money. Just like in the "real" world, if you don't fit inside the box, they don't care. You're not worth the effort. Some do it because they care. Which is good... to a point. Caring will drain someone, listening to people who are in pain all day, every day.
Some people are in it to learn, and to share that knowledge. These are the ones most likely to take what you say at face value... and then dig to get to the root of it. I'm lucky to have found one of these people as my therapist, and doubly lucky that he's part of the hiring process at the facility. He wants the culture to reflect his values. I just wish I could have found this support system sooner.
Oh wow you struck gold with that therapist! We need WAY more of him, but you're right it's draining work. Like just hanging out with a good friend will wipe me out, but digging deep into the root of someone's pain, over and over, every day...ooof.
I'm sorry your friend cancelled. Hopefully he gets over this bump and you can reschedule.
Routine. I do the same thing at the same time each day with special days where I do the more rare tasks that aren't daily. It's great for executive dysfunction because I don't even have to think about it, when it's that time I do that thing. It took a while to get here and of course there are bad times where I'm off my routine, but I started slow doing a little bit each day and built to this. It's crazy to see where I'm at with a lot of difficult tasks vs. where I started and that progress only helps to reinforce the routine.
I am a bit jealous of your ability to build it up like that. Happy for you, but frustrated for myself. The ADHD parts of my brain scream bloody murder any time a routine starts to set in. It's like, I know I need some sort of structure. But even for things I want to do, the internal pushback against Time To Do The Thing is almost primal. It's a pain in the ass, and it's only gotten worse with age (and trauma). The executive dysfunction is all knotted up with the anxiety, depression, stress, OCD tendencies, and unresolved trauma, woven through with recently-diagnosed autism that's been there my whole life (yay hindsight) and a rigid mask that I built myself around since childhood. Trying to tease out a dangling thread just pulls the whole knot tighter.
Sorry to hear about that it sounds very hard.
It definitely wasn't as easy as it might have sounded and I was very lucky to have been given a second chance where I was able to focus on these things.
But one of the biggest lessons I have learned along the way is that those people who say give it 100% are not for me. The only way I can get anywhere is to give it 5-10% today and then just keep trying to do 5-10% everyday. Eventually that 5-10% becomes 20, 30, etc. until I get in a nice rhythm whereas if I started by pushing myself to 100% on day one I would never do anything on day two. Not trying to say it's what's right for everyone or that it would work for you, but I wish you the best, it's a hard path.
But one of the biggest lessons I have learned along the way is that those people who say give it 100% are not for me.
A thousand times this. I've been in group therapy most of this year. A lot of faces have come and gone. I've gotten so tired of hearing variations on the above (along with the usual suggestions of task chunking, do X for Y minutes then break/reward, etc). But I've also learned how to handle it better. I assume good faith on their part and do what I can to explain my experience. Not everyone is going to get it, and to them I usually say "I hope you never understand." But there's almost always someone else nodding along... it's nice to not feel alone, but at the same time I feel awful that they know the nightmare.
I'm happy you got that second chance. We all need a mulligan sometimes. But so often it's not an option. Society is all round holes, and has little patience for the square pegs. I somehow made it work for 40 some odd years, but it took its toll.
And thank you for the kind words. Best to you as well. 🍻
Tons of caffeine. If I have energy I have motivation, fake energy works like real energy.
Ahhhg, I wish. If I have too much caffeine during the day I'll spend all night remembering embarrassing moments instead of sleeping. >.>
Methylphenidate.
I mostly have issues starting a task but once I get going I can keep going for a while as long as I have music and am not interrupted.
Pretty much the same for me, but videos included in the mix too.
What helps me is listening to music with repeating sounds. It paces me and allows me to keep doing things for a longer period of time.
I don't. I was lucky to have a career that was Autistic-friendly. ATC if you're wondering.
Prescribed wording, firm rules, absolute authority, no personal interaction.
I would love to work at a place like that. :I
All I need are absolute prompts on what to do.
I've started using a stopwatch, and my aim is not to complete the task, but just to spend time on that task and nothing else. This does 2 things: 1) just the fact I'm on the tasks moved me forward more than not being on the task. 2) as its counts up, not down, I am just interested in increasing the number, so every 30 seconds or minute or 10 extra that I do makes the number bigger and the dopamine higher.
I combine this with a habit tracker (literally called habits on android store) so I can try and beat my last high score etc.
I don't set myself any targets etc that would cause me to feel shame (and then procrastinate due to that shame), so it lowers the barrier of startinf sufficiently low so that I can get on. And then the flow starts to kick in and we're off...
I don't do long tasks in one burst, but in like 15-25 minute increments depending on my mood.
I essentially gaslight myself into thinking I'm finding the activity fun. I also find that music helps, as does finding a rhythm in the activity.
Of course, I'm generally fine with long tasks anyway, so your mileage may vary.
Try to research the task, and why there should be importance placed upon said task (whether it's the end result or something else).
Most things have some importance to them, it's just that I don't often take notice of it until it's pointed out to me - so I try to make it so I can point it out myself, if that makes sense.
To Do lists coupled with the above helps as well, though to each their own.
I take breaks until I'm ready to start. Risky but work for me
Modafinil, along with redundant calendar, alarm, and Alexa alarms and reminders.
At work we have "daily" short meetings.
I can share partial results of my long running task.
Somehow it helps, I usually get praise from my boss.
not possible at all.
ritalin works though
ephedrine
audiobooks/podcasts. without them, i can't focus on what I'm doing. but when I'm listening, I am able to settle down and dig into whatever I'm doing much easier. like others are saying, actually getting started is the hardest part