You unlock legendary at 4 toots.

The story doesn't make sense. He only ever does two, three would be ridiculous.

While at your desk make direct and sustained eye contact in silence. Once you know you have him gently say "poop poop" then violently shit yourself. Everything is about shitting, except shitting. Shitting is about power.

Wasn't someone saying "toot toot" and farting a part of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide? Lol

It's impacting my morale and performance

I can't think of a funnier sentence if I tried

I had a female employee come to me to complain years ago. She had had a disagreement with an older male employee (thankfully not mine) some weeks prior, and since then, every time he walked by her cube, he'd pause at her doorway, fart, and then keep walking without saying anything.

She at least was aware of how absolutely ridiculous it was, but legitimately didn't think it was something she should have to deal with. One of the stranger management issues.

We dont talk about the mythical fourth toot.

Record the farts. Sample the audio. Create music.

I literally laughed so hard I cried.

Straight up Beetlejuiced a nasty fart into existence.

toot. toot. toot. TOOOOOT

and that's how the universe got created kids

"he only ever does two, don't be ridiculous"

This is the most British response to a situation like this you could possibly get.

I learned to dab while sneezing back when the meme wasn't dead yet. I got so used to it, that I do that to this day. At least my palms are clean

If he starts doing "chugga chugga" you really need to watch out

I had a manager once who had 3 small kids and he rarely caught himself when he excused himself from a meeting to “go potty”.

I love how the last full paragraph shifts the narrative from tooting in general is strange to normalizing 2 toots, but a 3rd one???

I worked for a prof who prides himself on being an absolutely disgusting human being. Everyone has stories about talking with him in his office and then lifting his ass on one side to let rip. To make things worse, he had a fridge in his lab that he filled with booze and the stinkiest cheeses he could find, so his breath and farts were so bad they could make paint peel.

There's crazy stories about him traveling to an international conference and puking on the guy sitting beside him and shitting his pants on the same flight.

Then on a university sponsored trip (with other biology profs/researchers) to recruit new students and research collaboration, he drank some brown bubbling "wine" that he vought from a street vendor, that everyone else refused to drink, he shat his hotel bed 3 nights in a row and every time the hotel tried to charge him for it he claimed it was just chocolate that he had been eating in bed. They then proceeded to a remote research station up on a mtn and when they arrived he rushed to the bathroom and broke the toilet immediately. They had to spend close to a week there, with no functioning toilet.

Hope your boss never reaches those levels of depravity, lol.

Edit: spelling.

Fight fire with fire.

This is a shitpost? This boss is my spirit animal.

Toot-o-meter.