this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2023
951 points (96.2% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26821 readers
3803 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

(shamelessly stolen from an imgur dump)

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 291 points 1 year ago (12 children)

I’m going to take the free gravel and 7 inch teleportation. The gravel is a valuable commodity which can be sold. 7 inches is enough to get through any doorway.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 year ago (14 children)

7 inches is enough to get you mostly through a doorway.

Doors are about 1.5 inches thick. The average chest depth of an American male is 11.5 inches.

Teleporting yourself 7 inches forward would put a door 7 inches from your front and 3 inches from your back. You would have to only be 5.5 inches deep in order to make it entirely through the doorway without merging with the door.

load more comments (14 replies)
load more comments (9 replies)
[–] [email protected] 157 points 1 year ago (1 children)
  • Resell my free gravel for huge profits

  • Have a great street magic trick where I ask the spectator to empty a single container out of many with my back turned, but I can always pick out which one

I'll be Cris Angel, Gravel King

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Redmond and blutarch are gonna be SEETHING when I collapse the gravel industry

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 112 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Why is everyone choosing whatever pill(s) they want to and describing what they'd do with it?

The instructions explicitly say you can only pick 2. Everyone gets gravel. Smh.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

That's all I want anyways though it would be cool to speak another language.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 80 points 1 year ago (3 children)

2 and 3 easy.

Free gravel for life. So I have an endless supply of product I can sell for profit? Yes please.

And I see no time-limit on the teleportation. 7 inches at a time. Sure. But what stops me from instantly teleporting another 7 inches? And who says I can only do it horizontally. Pretty much giving me the ability to fly here. I'll take it.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (7 children)

I agree with your choices but your logic for the teleportation doesn't hold up. You've assumed your momentum wouldn't be conserved through the teleportation in a weird way. Assuming momentum is conserved, you would still fall just as quickly. In fact, you would reach terminal velocity in short order, and would have to continually teleport to keep yourself from crashing into the ground. By itself that would be bad enough, but you moving through the air between teleports would cause the air to move as well, so assuming you could keep up and hold your elevation, your velocity relative to the ground would increase to some number higher than terminal velocity. Think Chell continually falling through portals. Now you're stuck unless you can also teleport slightly to the side without falling. Best case you go to one of those indoor skydiving places and get in so you can slow down without dying. I was going to explore what would happen if your momentum somehow wasn't conserved, but that would imply some absolute fixed frame of reference or magical mumbo jumbo, neither of which exist.

You could totally travel faster though, without even needing to walk. You would also be super dangerous in one on one combat sports. A well placed 7 inch teleportation can easily get the win in the right sports.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (9 children)

I disagree with your teleportation assessment. Just as I don't think my momentum would be conserved, you think it is. You have no more reason to believe it would than I have to believe it wouldn't. Because there's no foundation for teleportation as it doesn't exist.

I'm not sure what logic you want to use with something that is made up. But im gonna go ahead and assume my teleportation will work on my rules since no rules were ever specified.

You can feel free to use whatever made up rules you want for your own magical power.

load more comments (9 replies)
load more comments (6 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 70 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (11 children)

Options 2 and 3.

Free gravel, assuming that means it just sort of appears where I want it in as much volume as i want, means I can simply create a massive stockpile of it in a very convenient location for construction projects and sell it by the yard for literally free money. Or sell it directly and conjure it up right where the foreman wants it.

Teleporting 7 inches is enough to pass through most doors which are less than 2" thick. That is infinitely more useful than you think it is....

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The teleport one if it has no cool down could be used to fly, just keep using it

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

If it stops velocity it would also be useful for dropping long distances without dying. A little like Mario doing a butt-stomp just before he hits the ground in Mario 64.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (11 children)

Doors may not be that thick, but you're thicker than 7 inches even if you're skinny. So you'd end up with part of your back inside the door.

load more comments (11 replies)
load more comments (9 replies)
[–] [email protected] 48 points 1 year ago (6 children)

3 and 7 💯. I'm breaking into all the places.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Didn't even think of a building as a container

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Free gravel for life. Just become a gravel wholesaler. Corner the market instantly.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Depending on the fine print that comes with these powers, some of them could be significantly less useless than they appear.

For instance, "look 10 hours younger." Always, or can you do this on command? Can do you it on command more than once? Does the effect stack? Does it include your clothes? Etc. Because if it for example includes your clothes and/or makeup, you could use this to disguise yourself pretty elaborately, or equip yourself with a lot of stuff about your person in advance, then take it off and show up anywhere up to 10 hours later and conjure that stuff out of the air. Imagine the Matrix lobby scene, except you don't have to set off the metal detector on your way through.

Infinite gravel could be pretty OP if you can conjure it at a fast rate, and especially so if you can conjure it at a remote location. Like, above your enemy's head. Or inside his vehicle. Etc. Even if it's just some kind of deal where you present your magic coupon at the Gravel Depot, you could corner the world's supply. There are a lot of roads that need building in the world.

Or if your 7" teleportation range has no cooldown period, you could just chain-teleport pretty much anywhere that doesn't require passing through anything thicker than 7". That's tantamount to flight or super speed running, but you could do it without removing your asscheeks from your chair. Or depending on how the telefrag rules work, you could cause a lot of damage to anyone or anything you wanted by just teleporting through taking 7" bites out of your target each time.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 year ago

#7 could be useful for gambling - when you can see into one container but not the other, you instantly know which one has the prize in it.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Due to a recent Supreme Court ruling certain areas classified as wet land by the US Corp of Engineers are no longer under build restriction. To make them buildable they need fill. A few million tons of gravel fill seems like something someone would pay a lot of money for.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 year ago (13 children)

2 and 3 without question.

You'd make ludicrous money from the construction industry with an unlimited supply of gravel, while being able to teleport 7 inches would be useful for break-ins.

load more comments (13 replies)
[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Well if I can only pick #2 I guess I'm gonna get free gravel.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (5 children)

2 and 7. Free gravel? Sign me up that shit's expensive. And I think another way to interpret 7 is that you can instantly tell whether any closed container is empty or not, since you can only see into empty containers.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Free gravel it is 😒. Why would someone make a quiz with no choice ?!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Does the gravel have to be delivered or does it appear out of thin air?

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago

Definetly 2. You can make millions with that shit.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (6 children)

2 and 3

Assuming I have the ability to Summon free gravel

I could use it for all sorts of things such as making money, using it as a throwing weapon, etcetera

With the teleportation I could just chain I and travel to any country while maintaining a safe speed limit for my body during transition in and out of teleporting

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (10 children)

8 and 9.

I figure I can either make bank lending the anthropologists/archeologists a hand with an extinct language, or at least have a bunch of fun bringing it back to life as a personal hobby.

And really? No one's picking nine? Have any of you seen Albert Einstein's calves? He biked regularly. If it turns out I can outrun him now, that won't always be the case as my sedentary ass ages.

No matter how crap my skeleton becomes, I'm giving myself an automatic default level of movement that isn't all that shabby

load more comments (10 replies)
[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

2 and 7, obviously. Good luck anyone carrying an empty box within my vicinity.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (5 children)
  1. No stipulations on how frequently I can teleport 7". Like, can't I just teleport 7" constantly and very quickly? Also, sounds like I could probably use this ability to fly.
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Teleport and spam it. Go hundreds of miles an hour

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Imagine being able to generate gravel over every single road crack and never fixed hole.

Amazing.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Gravel is a very important construction aggregate.

Although it depends on the mechanics for how useful 2 would be. Does the gravel just like appear near you? Is there just a guy who gives you bags of gravel? Do you have to go to a specific location to get it? Is there a limit to the through put? What’s the volume of output of the gravel. what type of gravel is it? Could it be processed for other minerals?

Like, free gravel sounds pretty damn awesome based on the mechanics.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Bro free gravel4lyfe gang checkin' in

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Everyone is saying 2 for the economic benefits of gravel, but you gotta approach this like a monkeys paw curse. Where is the gravel coming from? Best case it manifests, but physically that's unlikely. Maybe a box of gravel every week like a weird sweepstakes? Again, if you're lucky.

No, in this scenario you get free gravel... in your shoes... every moment of every day and every time you take your shoes off and remove the trace amounts of gravel, the moment you put them back on its there again. Always just enough to annoy you and never when you want it.

Oddly enough I think reviving the lost language is probably the least likely to curse you. I mean, maybe it means you lose something else in your brain (like all the other useless trivia I know and all the names I forget) but you'd probably be able to get recognition from academic linguists enough that you probably could get enough journal submissions out of it to have a modest career at a second rate university somewhere.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (8 children)

2 for money

3 for everything else. Think about it! Assuming you can teleport in any direction as fast as you can think then you can fly, move super fast, dodge any attack, pass through thin barriers (such as fences, thin walls, etc) swim super fast and depending on the rules of this power maybe you can poop really fast by teleporting away but leaving your poop behind!

load more comments (8 replies)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'd pick teleport but I'm afraid of the splicing consequences.

I'd rather just see inside empty objects. I'm sure I could use this in some circumstances. Being able to "know" if a box is empty or not could be perceived as super natural. There is probably a lot of money in that. Plus, a lot of gambling opportunities in things like that cup game. What defines a container? That could change things.

Controlling any toaster with my mind is ambiguous. I'll assume it only works on toasters with power. So I can only turn them on/off to make toast. I could use this power to destroy countries. Power draw of a toaster isn't too bad, but every toaster being turned on at the same time might damage an energy sector. It would take a while to debug as well.

I like the free gravel.

I think I'd pick free gravel and... Seeing inside empty objects. Seems like the most profitable with the least chance of a monkeys paw.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

Define container; reasonably, a room could be defined as a container. A container of what? And furthermore, define empty! Knowing when something's "empty" has all kinds of applications. That and teleporting, even a few inches could be incredible, especially dependent on how often/quickly you could do it. 3 & 7, hands down

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

Re option 1: I'm assuming it's like when Arthur Dent learned to talk to birds.

[Arthur Dent] learned to communicate with birds and discovered that their conversation was fantastically boring. It was all to do with wind speed, wingspans, power-to-weight ratios, and a fair bit about berries.

load more comments
view more: next ›