this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2024
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They were found in gutters, on streets, in bushes. They were boarded on trains, deserted in hospitals, dumped at temples. They were sent away for being sick or outliving paychecks or simply growing too old.

By the time they reached this home for the aged and unwanted, many were too numb to speak. Some took months to mouth the truth of how they came to spend their final days in exile.

“They said, ‘Taking care of him is not our cup of tea,’” says Amirchand Sharma, 65, a retired policeman whose sons left him to die near the river after he was badly hurt in an accident. “They said, ‘Throw him away.’”

In its traditions, in its religious tenets and in its laws, India has long cemented the belief that it is a child’s duty to care for his aging parents. But in a land known for revering its elderly, a secret shame has emerged: A burgeoning population of older people abandoned by their own families.

This is a country where grandparents routinely share a roof with children and grandchildren, and where the expectation that the young care for the old is so ingrained in the national ethos that nursing homes are a relative rarity and hiring caregivers is often seen as taboo. But expanding lifespans have brought ballooning caregiving pressure, a wave of urbanization has driven many young far from their home villages and a creeping Western influence has begun eroding the tradition of multigenerational living.

Courtrooms swell with thousands of cases of parents seeking help from their children. Footpaths and alleys are crowded with older people who now call them home. And a cottage industry of nonprofits for the abandoned has sprouted, operating a constantly growing number of shelters that continually fill.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago (26 children)

Makes one wonder just how shitty were these elders to their children and grandchildren?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Yeah the things that the elders say sound like typical narcissist parent quotes. "[My kids abandoned me because] they said ‘Taking care of him is not our cup of tea.” That's sounds extremely unlikely. I would guess you didn't want to hear the very justified exact reasons why they didn't want you in their life anymore.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

If my mother wasn’t a terrible person, a liar, and a manipulator, I wouldn’t have abandoned her when she finally broke the camels back.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

"[My kids abandoned me because] they said ‘Taking care of him is not our cup of tea.” That’s sounds extremely unlikely

My thoughts too. The person you're quoting is apparently just 65, too, and a retired police officer. Obviously I'm just talking out of my ass here, but that sounds way too young to at the point of requiring full-time caregiving. I'm thinking there's something more at play beyond what he's letting on, but I could obviously be wrong

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It also says he was in an accident. So he may not be physically capable.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Ah yeah I guess if I had the reading comprehension of an adult man and not a fucking chickadee I'd have seen that in the next sentence.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Idk that you have the right to throw stones dude, you haven't figured out you can make a username without your birth year in it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

Seems like you have the reading comprehension of a chickadee as well.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Whose responsibility was it to help that be their cup of tea?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I haven't spoken to my parents in over a decade. They are really shitty people.

I have entertained myself reviewed nursing homes looking for the one with the absolute worst reviews for them to finish their lives at.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

This. If my parents hadn't been gracious enough to die painfully from cancer, this would have been the next option.

Not all elders deserve support, respect or compassion.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm never gonna own a home, I can't afford to care for my parents. A nursing home is absolutely out of the question if I'm the one on the hook. It's hard to imagine it being easier in India with the work conditions and wages there.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I've just accepted that I'm gonna rack up credit I never intend to pay and die. And I live in a country that isn't gonna throw that debt on my kids

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm making sure I have great credit for as long as I can so when im 60-70 I can just get a huge line of credit and go nuts. I don't plan on having any kids to worry about my belongings/debt/estate etc.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (6 children)

Not sure any lender would give that line of credit to you based on your age alone.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Hey, don’t be shitty parents and we won’t abandon you 🤷‍♂️

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Be incentivized to be a non-shit parent.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Contrarian bullshit?

OR do you have an actual point?

What I can parse out is "if my kid wanted to have a stable home life, they should cry less".

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

That would require me to be ashamed of my choice lol.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

This is actually the normal around the globe. We are kind of told that we look after the frail and disabled and our family but as countless disabled people have been explaining for centuries now this just isn't the case, its one of the biggest lies ever told about human behaviour. Its shocking that governments are still shocked by this behaviour but it goes to show how deep the propaganda has got into people.

Human beings do not look after the chronically unwell, whether it be from age or otherwise. Almost all close family abandon them, it is abnormal for anyone from someones friends of families to even see them again after about 2 to 3 years. This is the true reality of human behaviour and the disabled have been trying to get this message across for decades and no one is listening.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

This is a pretty big deal in Indian culture. Respecting and listening to elders is actually a cornerstone, I'd say. At social events with potlucks, the young kids are always the first to eat, then the elders, then everyone else. It's so ingrained in me that when I saw a young Indian kid mocking their grandmother I was utterly shocked.

However, this isn't to say the children in this article are necessarily wrong to abandon their parents. It's just some perspective on how big of a deal this is.

Although at the same time, I've noticed that second generation Indians (born to the parents who immigrated, like me) are taught a more traditional and conservative culture. The first generation Indians I've met seem a lot less traditional -- hence why they're probably more okay with abandoning their elders. It's interesting sometimes how immigrants preserve their home culture and traditions better than their own home does. Granted, this isn't the case with everything. There's a lot of things where Indian kids who grew up in the West are far more liberal on.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

… this is Indians in India, they’re not okay with it because they’re “first generation Indians” they’re like 10,000th generation Indians in their own country not America.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

I never disagreed with that. I'm just offering my perspective as someone familiar with the cultural traditions.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Capitalism does it again!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Yeah no shit. That wasn't like really obvious that that would start to happen at some point.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

It may be a secret shame in India, but it's a public shame in the US that the rest of the world doesn't understand.

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