this post was submitted on 01 Jul 2024
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Anyone else who knows they are a softie, but absolutely hate it when someone else points out that they are a softie? (lemm.ee)
submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[–] [email protected] 29 points 4 months ago (3 children)

I used to think that way, feeling embarrassed when someone pointed out I had emotions.

I realized over time it was my dad who taught me to feel that shame, and the friend group I was with. Slowly I started to realize that it wouldn't matter, and let myself be me a bit more.

Life definitely got easier. When they talk about toxic masculinity, that's it. Forcing you to hide who you are because you think it isn't manly or something. It's wrong though. I met my wife and she liked me because I was in touch with my emotions. It's become a part of me. Hell I finally realized I love Taylor Swift because I emotionally connect with her songs where before I could never let myself like her music.

Society pushes all of these weird rules on us, and man does life get easier when you just stop caring about them

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Yeah, “softie” sounds like an insult. I’d rather have emotional intelligence than to be (or act) calloused to the world. Feelings are part of the human experience.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Haha glad to see that I'm not alone in thinking this way. Like, logically it makes sense. But when u'r constantly bombarded with the "emotion bad" propaganda or whatever, u start to question and doubt urself.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

time and time again those who ignore their feelings just end up having worse and worse problems later. So many marriages end because one person refuses to open up. Repression leads to substance abuse. It's better all around to acknowledge emotions

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

They asked if you were a "softie" not a "swiftie!"

(I'll show myself out...)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Man you were definitely lucky to meet ur wife, huh. Idk, it just has been very difficult to find ppl like these irl for me. And for those who were like this, they just treated me like I was dumb or something. You know, more "childlike" or whatever.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Nobody likes their self-perceived flaws pointed out by others. It's not about softie.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Yea I suppose that's the case then

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

I would only be upset at the vile psychopath who is complaining about me having a sense of compassion and empathy.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

What does "softie" mean in this context?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (2 children)

What is a softie?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

A kind of ice cream, I think.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

And I'm hungry again, great

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Someone who gets upset at the seemingly silliest stuff. Like a little bit of teasing for example. I get rlly sad n stuff when someone teases me even when it's apparently "harmless fun" or whatever.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That's the problem - with them, not you - they know you react, so they needle you.

It's shitty behavior and it's not harmless fun.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Thank you for saying that. Sometimes it just feels like there's something wrong with me, you know? Whatever...

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You are who you are, and trying to cover that up just leads to further issues down the line.

To some degree, a skill you can learn is to accept it and let it roll off. Laugh with them. Because all the time you spend dwelling on what was said to you just drags you down into a pointless funk and reframes how you think about yourself.

You're sensitive, that's an asset. If your friends want to exploit that, ask them to stop and find better friends if they won't.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

You're sensitive, that's an asset. If your friends want to exploit that, ask them to stop and find better friends if they won't.

Hehe yea, I'm quite sure I'd be doing that a lot more from now on!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

thats not softie in the usage I have encountered. For me its always been applied to someone who goes out of their way to help something that others might not bother with. Like moving bugs to another location rather than squashing them or helping a bird that fell out of a tree or such. Honeslty I don't think I have ever encountered it as much of an insult its more compliment but can suggest one might be to soft to do stuff I guess. Im used to hearing it, even in media, as like. you old softie.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Oh, then maybe it's a mistranslation from my part then. What I meant is someone gets easily upset, uk... Someone who's not "hard and strong".

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I don't know if it'd be possible for someone to think I'm not a softie, but I do kinda understand what you mean, even if it's nit exactly the same for me 😅

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I don't know if it'd be possible for someone to think I'm not a softie

Hehe yeah, same. But uk... U don't have to TELL me that. Like... I already know that, ok? The worst part is when ppl use the "u r a softie" card to justify the hurtful and insensitive shit that they said.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Ah, I think you might be describing a different thing than I was thinking of, generally its my friends poking fun and making remarks like "oh my god, you're so baby" (it's true, I am 😔) not assholes. I have limited exposure to people I don't like currently, which I'm very grateful for

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

If someone says I'm not afraid to be vulnerable or that I'm in touch with my emotions? Nah

But if someone called me a pussy or insinuated it's not masculine to have a healthy relationship with your emotions? That definitely would bother me.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (2 children)

But if someone called me a pussy or insinuated it's not masculine to have a healthy relationship with your emotions? That definitely would bother me.

Yea, I was referring more to this part. Like sure, other ppl's tolerance to hurtful stuff that u say might be high, but mine isn't. When I confront u with this, u just dismiss it by hand waving the issue like "oh you're too soft n delicate either ways". Like NO. I mean I may be "soft n delicate", but could you just not be mean?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

I'm sorry people are doing stuff like this to you. I'm a relatively thin skinned individual, personally. People say you're supposed to just grow thicker skin, but why can't we instead focus on trying to get the assholes to not be assholes? Idk man, I guess it's not very realistic. Hope your day goes ok.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

I'll be honest, I can barely understand what you're saying here. Your writing style hurts my brain.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I don't consider being a softie a bad thing, so I don't care.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Haha now that's the spirit!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

I have this but not about being a softie, but about speaking too loud. I know I do it, I know it's bad, I'm thankful when someone points it out so I can adjust, but I'm still mega pissed off for a moment when someone does.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

its a bit hokey but you should watch the anime shy. its free on crunchy roll atm. shes a softie :)