this post was submitted on 02 Apr 2025
594 points (99.2% liked)

Not The Onion

15847 readers
11 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 37 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Are you also jacking it at work in your lunch break?

[–] [email protected] 46 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It’s like pooping, why would I wait until I got home if I could be paid to do it at the office?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Do you record yourself pooping?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

Who are you texting your poop videos that might mistakenly go to a co-worker?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I mean, who am I NOT sending those videos to?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

Me, for instance

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It's called friendly competition, okay? We also give each other pointers.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

We have a squad of fecal cheerleaders at my work.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

Well they made the company wide email address for something!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

Only fans live scatwork.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

Literally lol:d. Thanks.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

If only these tps reports could get filed by rubbing them as well

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

The attorneys desk.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

What an inappropiate and sexually charged question.

At least this guy says he made a mistake. What's your excuse?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It's really not, no.

He said it could happen to anyone, but it could only happen to people who film themselves jacking it at work.

Him using the word "anyone" implies that jacking it at work is so normal to him, that the only mistake he sees here is that he sent it to the wrong person.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I used the word "anyone". That was me. The intention of my message was humorous, and I'm sorry if you didn't find it or my later question funny.