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No instance is going to be perfect, but instance admins are always going to set the house rules. I'm not going to say any more on the matter than I have only had good interactions with drag. I'm not trans, so I can't speak to his effect on other trans people, but I believe the blahaj admins are. Even trans people aren't going to always agree on everything, and that's when it's up to the admin to define what that line is with an issue.
While their decision doubtlessly pushed many away, I'm also sure they put a lot of thought into their decision on what they felt was good for their instance as a whole, and right or wrong, it's their decision to make. Some people I'm sure love them more for the choice they made.
I listened to both sides and I think I see where both groups are coming from. I think blahaj did right based on what I understand their goals to be. Drag is one individual and anyone who didn't like them could have simply blocked them and moved in with their lives, but so many had to confront them every time they popped up, which seemed like it violated their rules of respecting everyone.
I'm not arguing for or against blahaj, just your description of "not alienating people," which is objectively false and you clearly agree.
And yeah; I don't respect people who make a joke of other people's existence. I don't care what their motivation is, drag makes the rest of the community seem lesser for their trolling.
Ah, I understand now. My original intent was to say blahaj as a whole has been less alienating when compared to Beehaw. They have a pretty similar mission, but Beehaw has gotten itself pretty walled off from a good portion of the Fediverse to the point where they were talking about taking it somewhere else entirely.
Blahaj has done some things that people haven't liked, but its actions have been more in line with its existence in a federated environment.