this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2024
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I cried the first time a gf was nice to me regularly.
I had some fucked up relationships. I'm doing good now though.
Feeling lonely sucks, but man, whenever I'm listening to some people talk about past relationships they've been in, I end up feeling happy it hasn't happened yet.
I blame my parents. They have such an amazing mutually respectful, supportive and loving marriage that it has set an impossible standard for me to realize.
I wish media depicted more healthy relationships.
Half of people don't seem to even have an idea of what mundane everyday loving behaviour actually looks like. And the other half does know, but fetishise unhealthy bullshit. (TBH I do too, but I want to engage in it playfully, not full on I will now proceed to straight up destroy you emotionally that I've run into with some people. )
And when they do they often portray them as effortless "found my soulmate" kind of relationships which is not how the real world works. Even if you have an amazing partner you need to put in effort to be an amazing partner to them yourself.
The fairy tale love affairs of fictional people hardly ever linger on the "mundane everyday loving behaviour" that I consider core to a functioning relationship.
I literally put that crap in the trash right along with the depictions of dysfunctional relationships in media.
Depictions of happy relationships, are not automatically depictions of healthy relationships.
That's why I like the series Heartbreaker so much. It shows healthy relationships, and it also shows how hard relationships (and life in general) can still be.
My parents are the complete opposite of yours and I always felt like I had no role model to imitate. The thing is, you have to find your own way. And the one thing all parents need to teach their kids is independent thinking. Unfortunately, that also makes them harder to control, so many parents work actively against that.
The one imposing the standard is entirely me. My parents deliberately STEPPED AWAY from controlling me and my siblings lives as we came into adulthood. They're incredible.
Today we all treat each other like adults, (and humor mom by allowing her to baby us a bit) they've completely stepped down from being controlling influences in our lives. They advise, show concern, and voice opinions, but since turning 18, they've never once acted like we can't do as we please.
The way the acted towards us and each other left a huge impression. As I've gone on to live life I've truly come to realize and appreciate my parents are 2 in a million. I didn't realize the significance of it while growing up, but thinking back now, the things they did blow me away. Like who makes a point of explaining each mistake they've made raising someone, as they realize what they were, TO that someone, and apologizing for them openly?!
I think it's actually made me and my siblings easier to control, we always listen if they have something to say, because we all see that they're two of the wisest people we'll ever know.
Who is y'all datin
No one and probably won't any time soon for a plethora of reasons. When I hooked up with a guy for the first time he really made me feel attractive and wanted and I almost broke down too. Terrible self-esteem and being starved for affection is a rough time.
Well fuck, that's rough. Take a bit to find out why and work on it. Best of luck to you
Oh I know why, it's not like I couldn't find a relationship if I tried, it's that I think I'd be a terrible partner and my presence in someone's life would make it worse and I'm not willing to do that to someone. Struggling incredibly with ADHD and I don't think I'd be able to give a partner the proper time and attention due to the need to shovel stimulation into the black hole that is my brain, and I have bad depressive crashes, much worse than the baseline misery, that no one can help with and make people who care about me feel bad and guilty about not being able to help. Things have to improve a lot for me to seriously consider dating, and at this point I know better than to think that could happen.
Gotta work on it. There's someone for you, I know it's cheesy as hell, but theres a ton of us and all of us get lonely and have the same issues give or take.
Plenty of toxic women out there.
There are plenty of foods I don't like, I avoid em
If we're using food as an example, pick which mushroom is the toxic one to avoid
A)
B)
One of them will kill you. Choose wisely.
(My point is that toxic women can often mask as nontoxic for quite some time, much like you can't just tell by looking at these mushrooms which will kill you, you can't always tell by looking at women which are toxic either. Sure the Aminita Muscara may be identifiable and so would any woman with glaring toxicity, but sneaky ones lije these are afoot too, and much like other abusive relationships frog, boiling water, yadda yadda you've heard that bit before.)
First one, Amanita Phalloides if I'm not mistaken.
Take a bite and find out!
I like my liver solid as it is, thank you very much.
Well yeah, but over time you start to realize behaviors. Just like over time, we've learned to rub potentially hazardous foods on your skin, then wait, the mucus membrane, then wait, then tiny piece, then wait. You don't just jump right in with some random mushrooms.
I'm not knocking anyone for getting your first crazy SO surprise, but after a bit it's a George W. Bush fool me once shame on, shame on you, fool me, can't get fooled again situation.
Make boundaries, communicate, and go after what you want and try to work on what you don't, and if it's not possible it's time to go. sometimes that's not easy, but relationships aren't easy.
You're very smart. Often you don't know until it's too late and then getting out of that situation isn't easy.
Be honest with yourself and your partner in what you want. If those boundaries are crossed, dip.
As a level 1 autistic man, I'm a magnet for toxic women. It's like they hunt for guys like me. It takes me a really long time around a woman before I drop my guard.
Is level 1 high or low?
It's right next to level 2.
This helped everyone. Thank you.
It's the autism that may be maskable to an extent and the person is more independent than levels 2 & 3. It used to be called Asperger's.
I never knew there were official levels I assumed you were using a self assessed scale.
Yeah, 3 levels. They vaguely communicate how much support the person needs with one being the least support and 3 being needing relatively the most.
Thanks yeah I just looked and I’d say I’m a Level 1 on that scale. TMYK.
You're welcome
Maaaaate same. There was this one girl I dated whom I’ve told I just don’t feel like doing what she felt like doing that night and she said “Alright, we can just watch some more eps of ” and I broke down right there and then.
I ended up forcing my own options on her which isn’t healthy in itself but we could and can talk about this and it’s so weird.
I'm glad you've found some change. And I'm glad you have had someone give you that comfort.