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My dad contacted me out of nowhere (startrek.website)

submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

54 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'm a bit lost here, to be fair. I went full no contact with my family back when I was 16. Took a hike, even across countries. So, apparently what happened, was my ex brother in law not keeping his mouth shut and sharing my number with my family. I still can't make heads or tails of it. But now my dad wants to be real chummy and friendy with me? Fuck that, honestly. I'm not super mad at him, more at the rest of my family, but it seriously hurts right now. What am I supposed to do? I'm at a loss here. Haven't really talked to the person for over 21 years.

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[+] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago (3 children)

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 6 months ago

As someone who’s mostly NC with a parent and considered going full NC I would hesitate listening to people who likely have little understanding of why people go NC with family.

I’ve heard many a “you can’t chose your family” from people when they have no idea what they’re speaking on. If you think the reason for going NC with someone has changed; sure consider giving him a chance. If you have a therapist or someone similar in your life ask them for their take. No judgement here for maintaining NC with someone who made you feel it was necessary to go NC at 16 though.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 months ago

If you’re willing and comfortable to share why you went no contact, the context will help people give you more considered advice.

I can’t imagine the wave of feelings and memories getting that message from your father after all this time. I hope you find the right advice you need to support you through this.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

That’s 100% dependent on why you went no contact in the first place. It doesn’t sound like you owe him anything, so your only question is how it relates to your own feelings.

If your ex brother in law has both your and his contact info, it sounds like he could’ve reached out indirectly at any point.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

To add a bit for OP. This is 100% context dependent, I agree. My partner did this with her family and it was the correct choice imo. I have never met such a group of toxic individuals before—holy cow. To the point I felt like I was incredibly sheltered. She has some insane stories, somehow always worse than the last.

I get turning the other cheek, and looking at things from other’s perspective, but sometimes that just won’t do it. People can be truly awful and you have to take care of yourself when others don’t have the wherewithal (EQ) to understand the damage they do.