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Nicotine, pain killers, a laughable disability payment...
...and a furious, blinding rage at the inequity of modern terminal stage capitalism that has doomed our planet to ecocide and most of its inhabitants into petty, self-centered, egotistical and ignorant caricatures of human beings...
...which has mostly congealed and calcified into some kind of mixture of contempt and spite that is either the basis of, or what I can erroneously yet convincingly present to myself and others as the basis of my identity, self-worth and sense of humor, concluding that merely surviving as long as I can, and pursuing that which I enjoy which requires next to 0 monetary expenditure, is the meek and feeble yet largest middle finger I can personally raise toward all who pursue wealth accumulation, or enable those who do.