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Where do I look when seated at a restaurant to seem normal? (lemmy.world)

submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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(when seated in a group with others, i should clarify. if i'm by myself i'm absolutely happy to be on my phone or book)

i genuinely have an issue. it's like....there's people on all sides. i need to rest my eyes somewhere, esp in a social setting which is already inherently a bit wearing

if you look down at your food, you look sad or disinterested or whatever
if you look at the ceiling that's insane, isn't it?

so that's down and up out. let's look at:

the sides, which have people there or nearly there, or obscuring the view of a nice window or painting, and you can't stare at people.

fuck fuck fuck. what about:

the center. oh no. this is the nightmare zone. let's break it down into 3 sections: the top contains their face, that's quite insane to look at. downwards, the table across from you with their food, that could seem like you're looking at their body very intently, can't do that. the middle? if it's a woman, then that's very much bad form. but if you're a guy generally attracted to women, part of your brain wants to look no matter what, at least a little. and since when you're sitting, forward is the most natural direction to look (you can't really turn around or move, particularly), so you keep coming back to it and AHH FUCK

fucking nightmare.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 6 months ago

Numerous experiences in my life have proven to me that this is partly accurate and op has grounds to be worried.

I cannot count the times i was lost in thought in a public space and someone interrupted me with "the fuck you looking at?" or "is something wrong?" type of questions.

People notice. You notice. Sometimes it's ignored, but enough times you need to unscramble your thoughts to answer a "the fuck you looking at?" out of nowhere.

Having a phone is the modern excuse. Just stare at the screen or pretend you're scrolling.

Yet, having a low self-esteem will make one anxious in a public setting quite unreasonably. And while hard to achieve all the time, an answer is in fact to stop caring about what other people think. It does work.