this post was submitted on 21 Feb 2024
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[–] [email protected] 104 points 8 months ago (5 children)

All the people who are not choosing to chill with a usually calm intelligent mammal because "snakes will get out of your way" apparently don't know shit about black mambas:

Skittish and often unpredictable, the black mamba is agile and can move quickly. In the wild, black mambas seldom tolerate humans approaching more closely than about 40 metres (130 ft)

When confronted, it is likely to engage in a threat display

During the threat display, any sudden movement by the intruder may provoke the snake into performing a series of rapid strikes, leading to severe envenomation

Give me a big strong dude intelligent enough to leave you alone after you're demonstrated that you're not a threat any day!

[–] [email protected] 51 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Malls have food, I'd be that gorillas personal chef for 24 hours

[–] [email protected] 25 points 8 months ago (1 children)

That was my thought. Me and my new best friend are going to learn to make pretzels! Together!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago

Turns out the prompt wasn't for a survival horror but a buddy movie

[–] [email protected] 18 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Couldn't you just like go in an upstairs bathroom and just lock the door?

[–] [email protected] 24 points 8 months ago (1 children)

The snakes could go down the drain of a toilet in the other restroom, and come out inside your restroom.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 8 months ago (2 children)

I am sick of these mother fucking snakes in the mother fucking bathroom

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago

I'm an tired of these mother fucking mambas in this mother fucking mall

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING BATHROOM

[–] [email protected] 19 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Maybe, but that would work with the Silverback too 🤷

Regardless, 24 hours locked in a bathroom could be its own kind of hell tbh..

[–] [email protected] 19 points 8 months ago

Meh that isn't too far away from my life most days. Except I don't have to wash dishes.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

At least with the gorilla I'd feel safe sleeping after locking enough doors, can not say the same with the snakes.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 8 months ago (1 children)

From the same Wikipedia article:

The black mamba's reputation for being ready to attack is exaggerated; it is usually provoked by perceived threats such as the blocking of its movements and ability to retreat.

Despite its reputation as a formidable and highly aggressive species, the black mamba attacks humans only if it is threatened or cornered.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago

Good thing there's no corners or enclosed areas in malls

[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Yup, I'd feel much safer with a gorilla. But I'm stupid enough to try to befriend him with fruits lol

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

As long as you're careful about displaying submissive body language and not getting too close, the worst thing that could happen is probably that he gets to snack on fruit and ignores you 🤷

Probably have to REALLY know what you're doing though lol

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Just lock yourself in. Try finding a door that can withstand a gorilla tho.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

That's true. I read gorillas require that you invite them in. Also they're afraid of crosses and holy water.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

Nah, that's lawyers you're thinking of. Gorillas are the ones who howl at the moon and have been observed by Warren Zevon casually strolling around all over London.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

Try finding a door that can withstand a gorilla tho

The gorilla won't even care that you're there as long as you don't get too close and act too aggressively. It's definitely not going to hunt you down and break down the door to get to you unless its family is in there too or something like that.

Also, as I pointed out to the other one, being locked in a bathroom for 24 hours is its own kind of hell for some of us.

Besides, one of the snakes might be hiding in that bathroom and you won't know until it's too late. Silverback gorillas, on the other hand, are not known for stealth.